20mo dd3 behaviour. Worrying or phase??

[Helenj1977]

She's my third and I've never seen this before.

She hits my older dds (10 and 13yo) for no reason. If she can't get to them she'll hit herself in the head or bangs her head on the floor.

She has massive tantrums but hits her head hard at the same time.

I've had to pad her cot rails with plastic edge foam and gorilla tape (so it's safe). She has been against her cot recently and will bang her head on the bars (or wall, the cot is now pulled out) until her head bleeds and she has a lump.

I'm at a loss here. I've dealt with tantrums, biting and hitting before but not like this. It's like she flicks a switch and turns nasty.

Developmentally she's fine, bang on target for things.

Am I heading for having a nightmare child? Is this a phase?

Bump, anyone?

That is quite extreme but probably not unheard of. What's her talking like? Is she able to communicate her needs effectively? What about other social skills? Any signs of ASD? Even if you think she is where she should be developmentally it might be worth doing the MCHAT screening questions online. It's very quick and will just tell you more clearly whether it's something to have on your radar. I think that at this age especially any behaviour like this is best counteracted with patience and calmness. I think particularly if she is causing another person harm then it's totally appropriate to remove her for some 'thinking time' but I would stay with her during this time, give her chance to calm down and then when she's calm talk it through. Acknowlege that she's angry/sad/frustrated but that this is not an acceptable way to deal with this and talk about what she could do next time. She is very young so it might well correct itself especially as her language improves but I think care needs to be taken to deal with it effectively and I would discuss concerns with your HV at her 2YO check if no improvement by then x

Thank you so much for your reply.

She says words and can communicate what she wants. Shes more advanced then her niece who is 5 months older for speech and understanding.

I'll definitely look into those screening questions. Hopefully HV will get back to some sort of normal soon.

My HV still did a 2Y check albeit a couple of months late so I think they're very much still available for advice. Toddlers are just basically hard work. It is probably just standard 'testing' behaviour so just try and stay calm and ride it out. I'm told most come out ok on the other side lol x