Rod for own back?!

[Froggles1]

Hi all,

Just looking to get some honest advice. LB is 2.5 and has always been cuddly. I fed him for 11 months and he always used to fall asleep on me. Going to bed we have always had a good, consistent routine. However, he has developed a few sleep habits that I don’t know how to break.
Firstly, he loves twirling our hair to sleep. When he wakes in the night, he looks for us because he needs this to get back to sleep.
He has always gone down in his own bed but since going back to work when he was one, if he wakes middle of the night he comes in with us.
On the whole I don’t mind as he usually gives us a few hours in the evening where he sleeps in his bed before coming in with us.
However, as he’s getting older I’m worried that he’ll start to try & get his own way more at bedtime. We’ve recently moved him from cot to a bed and already he asks me to lie with him to sleep. I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to cuddle my child to sleep but in the long run, do you think it’s detrimental?

Not at all

Just do what works for you and your little one. He will eventually outgrow all of these things in his own time - he won’t be asking you to get into bed with him so he can twirl your hair when he’s 35! 😂

As long as you don’t mind doing it, I would just go with the flow

@Eggcellent29 that’s how I feel generally! I find he’s worse with the hair etc when he’s teething or got wind etc

I think I just get worried that I’m not teaching him independence! I was a terrible sleeper until age 9!

My 27MO used to be an angel. She now HAS to have us in her bedroom to fall asleep and also likes to stroke my face to sleep. She's then in our bed most nights by morning. Her little beaming face when we are waking up and her kicking her legs in excitement because she's so content to be with mummy and daddy tells me I'm doing the right thing. You have to do what you can cope with but if you're happy with the above arrangement then I would just do what works for you and not worry what anyone else thinks. They won't be sleeping next to you when they're 19 however you handle these early years. I'm very much attachment parenting focused as we adopted our LO so I would always say that any approach towards sleeping needs to be what's comfortable for the child and not leading them to become distressed or feeling abandoned. Good luck whatever you decide xx

@Jannt86 your response made me so emotional- you’re so right!! It is so nice not to have judgement. I feel sometimes well meaning family will say we need to be firmer with him but when we have tried, he’s always been distressed so it’s not worth it. I think I worry we’re spoiling him as he’s had a few tantrums lately too but I doubt that’s anything to do with how we sleep!!
Thank you xxx

@Froggles1 all what you said sounds just normal and your lo will definitely grow out of it. I wouldnt change it unless i am losing a lot of sleep tbh.

Our DS 3yr old sleeps with his dad. He used to sleep with both of us but we have his little sister now so I had to move. He needs some sort of connection with us(leg to leg, face on face ☹️, hand to hand! We are exhausted I'll tell you that! But he sleeps well and loves to wake up with us, talks to us(bit annoying now hes chatty lol), its a lot of nice memories tbh.

We tried his own cot, bed etc and we ended up going back and forth on occasional wake ups, dreams etc. Its just not worth it in our case!

We think its down to him spending first 2 weeks in NICU and then he never got enough of cuddles 🤣

My point is they all grow out of it. If its not troubling you in any way let them be 🥰

Argh, I hate the phrase “making a rod for your back” when it’s to do with sleep!!! I got so worried about this sort of thing with my DD when she was 2. If you’re happy with your arrangement, you do not need to chang it! If you become unhappy with it, change it - kids are able to cope with change.

When my DD was 2 we were doing so much “wrong” about sleep according to lots of people. I didn’t feel like sleep training was right for us either. I wasn’t unhappy with how we did things (we were still cosleeping) but I worried I might be doing the wrong thing for DD in terms of not teaching her to sleep independently. She’s 3 now, and she sleeps perfectly. She goes to sleep independently, she sleeps through beautifully 95% of the time (occasional nightmares during lockdown...) and she wakes up happy in the morning. Never did do any sleep training or suffer through tears. We made changes when we wanted to make changes, and at a speed that suited us.

Have you tried introducing a blanky/softy so he doesn't need hair to twirl?

@crazychemist that’s so great to hear! It is a rubbish phrase 😏I also get told I’m spoiling him but I don’t see how cuddling my child is spoiling really. He’s gone into a toddler bed recently and initially was coming in with us by 10:30 but this week it’s been more 3am which I’m fine with 😊

@Guineapigbridge yes we have tried a fair few! He does have some now that he likes to cuddle but still prefers us!