Do some kids not point very much? Does it matter? Have I lost the plot :)

[twitchymama82]

Been posted the ASQ as DD 18 months in a couple weeks and clearly my memory is buggered as definitely don't remember this even being a consideration with my son - or maybe our old borough just didn't do these forms who knows - but question one is "When your child wants something, does she tell you by pointing to it?"

You have to say yes, no or sometimes and the thing is, she definitely does this a couple of times a day at say the tv or the door to the garden but no more and generally just grabs things she wants or just gets them. I googled pointing and there's another thing some people seem to think is important to do with pointing to show interest. Again, she does this from time to time, most if not every day maybe, say at her brother being silly or at a dog or this stained glass window we have, but not massively more often.

Wasn't thinking about this much and then saw mate with her daughter earlier today for socially distanced tea and she was pointing at stuff she wanted loads, not sure about for interest. Anyway - is this one like clapping or something where if they do it at all you're ok or should she be doing it more?

No other concerns, she's fine on all the other questions bar talking in sentneces which I don't remember my son doing much before 2, and seems a happy, easy going little person, just think I've lost it a bit over lockdown and lost my judgement on what matters / doesn't - someone give me an online slap round the face with a wet fish please!

My daughter is the same age, she has only just started pointing in books and doesn't point at anything in the distance as yet. I'm not worried though, I feel she's developing fine. I know these things can indicate problems but... I also feel we have such rigid milestones now that it freaks everyone out unnecessarily. I'd say as long as she can show you what she enjoys but pointing then she's in a good place! Doesn't matter if she does it all day every day, some children don't have this skill at all.

My daughter isn't distal pointing yet but she laughs and looks at things and checks to see I'm looking too which I'm happy with.

If she points to request and share interests, even if not too often, then it's fine. Pointing to request will be much more prevalent than pointing to share interests.

Distal pointing (both to request and share) are critical gestures, they are innate gestures unlike clapping or waving which a learnt gestures. If a child never sees anyone else point they will still do it by 18M, which would not be the case for clapping and waving. Pointing to request is such a powerful gesture that if a child is not doing it by 18M it's not because they are lazy or not interested but because they don't 'get it' yet which could be indicative of other underlying issues.

Thanks both - really appreciate this.

@CP2701 I totally agree about milestones - they ask about putting words together which she’s nowhere near doing and didn’t give it a second thought, it’s more just that I really don’t remember pointing before and having not seen other kids for so long lost track of where she’s at! Thanks for being so reassuring.

@AladdinMum thanks for this too - you sound like you know your stuff! She does definitely point a few times a day and at least some of it isn’t for stuff she wants - maybe daily, maybe every other day, not considered it til opened the form... went down a rabbit hole last night and discovered loads of other things they ask about in the states and sounds like they’re checking she wants to engage you and get your attention. I think she’s ok on that as she brings us stuff to look at like toys or whatever quite a lot though not every day, always checks we’re watching her, gets our attention, starts games with us (I say games - puts a towel over her head and waits for us to ask where she is then cracks up, not monopoly). Just a weird time when not been round other kids and feel a bit anxious and mad anyway with lockdown - does this all sound ok then? Thank you so much!

OP mine is only just 1, but I just wanted to say that I totally recognise the feeling of being a bit out of touch due to lockdown. Suddenly all these things become huge questions!

For what it’s worth, I think that’s plenty of pointing and I wouldn’t worry. Some of it is bound to be down to personality as well. I have also noticed that, while our DD points quite a bit, it has probably decreased slightly in recent weeks, because I think she’s been home so much it’s all become a bit boring. We’ve done all the bookshelves and light fittings to death by now. So could also be an element of that.

Actually she definitely used to point more I think so could well be something in that! Thanks for being lovely :)

@AladdinMum I’ve seen you post elsewhere on this stuff and now realise you’re a professional. Wonder if you get a chance if you could let me know if you think the fact she points but not much and also shows but not much is both ok? Discovered the mchat and she passes all the other qs - eye contact is bang on, wants us to watch her all the time, name response, smiles back, pretend plays. I think I’ve just got a bit worried I’ve not had my eye on things like I should because of juggling work and no childcare in lockdown and feeling a bit wobbly. She pointed quite a bit at the weekend at things on telly and things that interested her like a photo we have up but doesn’t look back really and also this morning was just lying in bed with me chatting away pointing at the ceiling so Christ knows if she even knows what she’s doing with the pointing because surely that’s not interesting! I had PND and know the GP (along with my husband, mum, world at large) will think this is a resurgence of that and not take it seriously hence posting here. I guess in a nutshell I’m asking does pointing at interesting things a few times a day even if you don’t look back and bringing things to show like her little dolls and stuff loads when she’s in the mood but not for days at a time sound worrying in the absence of anything else? She’s 18 months Sunday with 20 words and generally seems ok bar this stuff I think. Thank you!! And don’t worry if no time, appreciate this isn’t actually a drop in service... thanks if you’ve even managed to read this far!

@Twitchymama82 In my opinion she sounds fine, she is pointing to share interests which is very good and she is passing the mchat which is very positive. Large studies have shown that only 20% of the time is a point paired with a lookback so it's not very common for toddlers to look back when pointing. As for bringing/giving/showing you interesting things, this is a skill that emerges around 14M and diminishes as they get older, by 24M they are barely doing it as it gets replaced by other more useful skills (like language and other more complex gestures to direct your attention to interesting things).

Ah thanks so much - she’s actually doing it a fair bit more this week and think this is my anxiety skewing things - thanks for being so kind :) time to get back to sertraline I think... thank you again x

Any update OP?