How to “undo” loss of social skills in 3yo?

[crazychemist]

My DD is 3 (4 in September). Today, we had a little friend come over (wasn’t really planned) and obviously it’s the first time we’ve had someone in the house for a very long time.

I was really disappointed by my DDs behaviour. I already knew that some parts of her behaviour had gone downhill during lockdown - because we’ve been WFH there have been times when we have needed her to be quiet, so there’s been a lot more screen time, and we’ve been much less firm on things like not whinging. But it became very apparent this afternoon that she’s also crap at sharing! We had several (relatively minor) tantrums over toys, lots of whinging and some attention grabbing behaviour (she stubbed her toe, and made an ALMIGHTY fuss!)

I was quite embarrassed but trying not to show it. I did try to deal with things as they happened but felt a little out of my depth as this isn’t how she would normally behave.

Do you reckon this is going to gradually improve when children’s activities start reopening? Or is this something I’m going to have to really actively tackle, and if so, how do I start? She doesn’t have siblings, so sharing isn’t something that comes up when she’s at home all day every day.

I wouldn,t worry too much. TRy doing some turn taking games. Have friend round again to help with sharing, there are a few issues here. 1 she is at home with her toys as opposed to a nursery,s which she may understand are not hers, two she is only 3 and is still learning and three she has got out of practice. i wouldn't,t worry.

Is sending her to nursery for a day or two a week an option?

We’ll try some turn-taking games, that’s a good idea. She likes beetle drive and snail racing, so hopefully they will help. I guess having more friends round is probably the answer , although I imagine it’ll continue to be embarrassing for a while! She also doesn’t really socially distance well (as I imagine is typical for her age), so it’s a bit awkward.

@Haz1516 she’d normally be at preschool, they are now reopen for her year group, but they finish for summer in a couple of days, so I don’t think it’ll be enough time to get her back into good routines, unfortunately. I’m a bit concerned that she’ll be pretty awful by September!

She's 3. 3yos aren't good at sharing, and she hasn't had to do it for the last few months. She'll pick it up again when she's socialising again.

My 3.6 year old struggled too. Lockdown has done her no good whatsoever, clingy, shy, introverted, over emotional, bratty....the list goes on! Like yours, an only child. Preschool reopened in June but to less kids and despite my desperation to get her back, they couldn’t offer her a place back until sept. Felt pretty desperate about it all. She hadn’t seen another kid in 3 months...
Luckily I have a few friends with kids around the same age and we have managed some play dates and whilst I think she found it hard at first (not sharing was a key component of the day!! Along with clinging to me mumbling instead of speaking properly etc) she has gotten much better. She seemed very anxious at first, when we told her we were meeting her friend for the first time she cried and was trying to make excuses to stay at home! She flinched when her friend came close to her etc. I think she has had about 5-6 play dates now and has gradually relaxed and it’s like she has remembered what to do! So much so that she is due to have some friends come to play tomorrow and she is currently deciding which toys she wants out to play with them, and dispatched me to the supermarket this morning for my weekly shop with strict instructions as to what I should buy her and her friend for snack and lunchtime.
So it has gotten loads better; and I’m sure it’ll be the same for you and your DD too. Just be patient with her and don’t push her to interact. They had to go through a massive change back in March when their worlds ground to a halt and 3 months is a lifetime to them at this age. They’re used to lockdown life and have to go through a massive change to readjust again.
That said, god help me in sept when I’ve got to leave her at preschool! She won’t have been apart from me for months so suspect she will go batshit crazy when she has to go back there for 6 hours a day!

@Hartleyhare1206, I’m really relieved to hear that yours improved after some more play dates, hopefully my DD will be the same! Just like yours, my DD hadn’t seen any friends for several months.

September is going to be a huge change, isn’t it! My DH is really dreading it, he’ll be getting my DD ready and off to preschool 4 days a week, and he’s really been enjoying not having to do that for the last few months as he really struggles to get her out the door on time! I’m certain she’s going to put up a fight after such a long time of not having to be out so early, and god knows what we’re going to do if wraparound isn’t back in place by then!!!

I think I spoke too soon. We had a play date today and she was hideous 😂😂😂 it’s a weird one though as it was with twins and they are so used to playing with each other that I don’t think she got a look in and was sad they didn’t play with her. Of course at 3 she hasn’t really got the language to explain this to them so we had a fair few tears today. But I think It would be like this lockdown or not as it’s quite an unusual situation For her to have to try and find her place in.
We are worried about getting her back to preschool, even more so after today as we popped there to drop her forms off for next term and she cried and clung to my leg begging me not to leave her and saying she needed me and was scared I might not come back etc.
Bloody lockdown has a lot to answer for. Our little ones are suffering for it big time 🙄

There are some good story books which can help.
The Squirrels Who Squabbled
Mine!
Grumpy Frog
Hodge the Hedgehog
Yummy Ice-cream
Sharing a Shell
Perfectly Polite Penguins
Banana by Ed Vere
When a Dragon Comes To Stay

Molly & Mack and Kiri & Lou on CBeebies are also good for friendship skills.

@Ricekrispie22 ooooh, good suggestions! I’m a great believer in books to help explain things to children, can’t believe I didn’t think of it for this!

@Hartleyhare1206 uh oh. Sorry it didn’t go too well today, sounds like challenging circumstances. I hope she settles better at preschool in September