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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Yes, I know it's just a phase, but I am getting upset....

14 replies

lulumama · 27/09/2007 07:32

DD is 2, and is doing a lot of pushing, shoving and hair pulling happens whether we are at mums & tots or at home with friends... she does get told off by me, I also take her out of the room for a couple of minutes...and then get her to apologise to the child. It is getting to the point i am dreading taking her to M&TS today. Last week i ended up taking her home early as she wouldn't stop pushing the other children. She does not talk very well yet, but i think she understands ... she says sorry, then runs straight back to the child and pushes again.

any tips?

feel like a Bad Mother

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SpacePuppy · 27/09/2007 07:35

Oh no, that sounds like a sticky one, can you not do role play with her at home, with her dolls etc. let them push each other and then tell them off and make a fuss over why its not polite to push etc. I know my ds' soft toys are very real to him so maybe it will work with her?

MaryBleedinPoppins · 27/09/2007 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

lulumama · 27/09/2007 07:36

role play is a good idea, she loves her dollies..

thanks mary ( fab name!)

i just don;t remember DS ever doing this

OP posts:

MaryBleedinPoppins · 27/09/2007 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeetrootBevan · 27/09/2007 07:47

LULU - you could always just not take her for a couple of weeks to stop the stress. Not as a punsihmen, just becasue you can't be arsed.

It won't hurt - I used to avoid P&T as much as possible!!

Roll play a good idea

Original poster

lulumama · 27/09/2007 09:40

i did think about that, beetroot..but she is very sociable and likes getting out and about.. it would be worse at home for me !

OP posts:

BeetrootBevan · 27/09/2007 09:56

the park?

law3 · 27/09/2007 10:12

lulu - sounds like you have it pretty much under control, try not to make too much fuss or get upset.

Just a 'dont smack be gentle' and removing her from the scene for a couple of minutes sounds fine.

I wouldnt bother with getting her to apologise, she is only 2, other parents should understand that she cant be sincere about an apology at that age. Taking her back to say sorry after the event is just giving more attention.

All kids go through it at some point or another, if she cant talk too well, its probably done out of frustration.

HonoriaGlossop · 27/09/2007 10:13

I agree that you're doing all the right things at the moment anyway, lulu. Role play is a brilliant idea, used it to good effect with ds at this age.

Call me a craven coward, but if this was me I might well avoid M & T for a week or two just to lift the stress a bit; park is a brilliant idea, or swimming if you can (don't know if possible with two). Stuff that's physical but less about toddlers getting so on-top of eachother IYSWIM.

Probably it will be a short lived phase anyway. Don't worry.

haychee · 27/09/2007 10:14

Consistency is the key. Just keep on removing her and or making her apologise and never let it go unpunished or disciplined in some way.

Cashncarry · 27/09/2007 10:24

I had this with my DD just before she turned 2 years. She was a nightmare - so aggressive and would turn on me if I tried to intervene.

The removing from the room thing didn't work for me as she would just have a paddy and start kicking walls, banging her head on the floor, having a breath-holding tantrum (that was the scariest)...

I know the baby whisperer methods are a bit passe now but this method really worked for me. Every time she does something aggressive - hit, smack, push someone out of the way etc. - sit her down on your lap with her facing away from you and just wrap your arms around her. I found that it calmed her down (which prevented the breath-holding), although at first she would really struggle. She absolutely hated being confined like that so I didn't have to do it very often before it started having an effect.

I realise that this type of "restraining" method might not be to everyone's taste. But I found that my DD was (and is) a very emotionally charged child and teaching her to manage her emotions by "enforcing calm" really has helped her. If she cried, I would wipe her face but I would otherwise ignore her until she agreed to calm down.

What do you think?

Original poster

lulumama · 27/09/2007 12:04

thanks all for the kind words

just got back from M&Ts ,she had periods of playing really nicely, so i was sure to give her lots of positive reinforcement, and as soon as she pushed/ shoved/ hit i took her out of the room...

cashncarry...i have every sympathy..

i do take her to the park as often as the weather allows..

it is just a phase.. it is just a phase.. it is just a phase..

OP posts:

Cashncarry · 27/09/2007 12:06

thought you might be at the dreaded M&T but did worry that I killed your thread

Have some choccie with that tea - sounds like you need it

Honestly - it will get better. DD is nearly 3 now and is sooo gentle with other kids and with me. She still breath-holds when she's denied something though so the battle continues, albeit in a different form!

Original poster

lulumama · 27/09/2007 12:42

DD can also be so sweet when she wants, my friend was there with her 5 week old baby, and DD kissed her so gently, and stroked her so gently..

just bigger kids she wants to batter

i have quite a feisty streak, so i guess i only have myself to blame

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