Terrible twos, it’s no joke! HELP!

[Cheeseandpickle1]

Hellos mums/parents. I need abit of advice.
I’m a sahm with a 4yo and 22mo, both boys.

DS2 is really going through the dreaded terrible twos, infact he has been since 15m and it’s just got worse, honestly it’s draining.

As a baby he was so quiet and happy, so smiley just like DH but his toddler emotions have caused that happy baby to drastically evolve into an ogre. He is very moany, tantrums multiple times a day (I genuinely loose count), he pulls his brothers hair out literally! He bites and is generally quite aggressive.
I’m not sure where this aggression has come from because DS1 never did bite, although he was also very moany and hit the terrible twos early. Luckily I saw light at the end of that terrible, toddler tunnel because he is now a very loveable, polite, dinosaur loving 4yro.

You’re probably thinking “you’ve got through it before and you’ll get through it again” But I’m finding it so much tougher this time and generally un-enjoyable. DS1 started nursery at 15m, I really believe him starting so early helped to calm him down. However, DS2 won’t be starting until September when he turns 2. Unfortunately the nursery has changed the enrolment age, hence the delay.
I’m finding it hard to keep him entertained 24/7 and I feel like it’s effecting the positive attention that DS1 needs and deserves.

I know I only have 2 more months till he starts nursery but he is really starting to wear me down. I have no patience recently and I’m finding myself constantly raising my voice and moaning. My poor neighbours must think I’m bat shit crazy... tbh that wouldn’t be a harsh judgement right now.

Has anyone got any good tips to calm a crazy toddler down?
Or even advice on how to handle the emotions and stretch out my patience?

Hello Cheeseandpickle1,
I can relate completely to how the Terrible Twos can play havoc on your own life and personality (I too found myself yelling at times and in many ways, not recognising myself looking back), but I quickly realised that my DS was trying to do a couple of things ... start to show his independence and look to monopolise my attention.

What really helped me during this time were a few things:

Firstly, I kept him stimulated with little things. For example glowsticks, a tennis ball, fluffy bunnies that bounced around everywhere. Yes, he would kick off every now and again but it was amazing how I could then easily distract him by saying something like "where have your bunnies gone?"
Second, I created a little playpen for him that he couldn't escape out of, but was completely safe for him to play in. It almost functioned like his little safe space
Finally, I learnt to ignore. When he really kicked off, I would calmly step back and sit on the sofa. Yes he would pinch and scratch me, yell at me, but once he saw there is no reaction, he would calm down.

The last one is without doubt the hardest one to do and comes with serious practice, but in the end it pays off!

Hope this all helps,
Mummysthename

@Mummysthename Thank you for the reply. That’s a good idea the glow sticks and moving toys. I might look into this, they both have so many toys I think they just get bored of them quick.

It’s so frustrating during the lockdown we painted near enough every room in our house it took weeks and it was so tiring.
DS yesterday threw his big car toy down the stairs and it’s made a hole in our crappy plasterboard wall. It’s extremely tiring!

I think the hardest part is ignoring but that’s something I really have to try harder. He will like yours, scratch, punch and bite to get my attention and when I ignore it angers him even more. Maybe I just need to hold out and see if he ends up getting bored of it.

I do feel guilty DS1 had so much more attention. I recognised everything, every toothache, everything! Whereas DS2 has to just go with the flow and get on with it abit more.

following this as the terrible twos are slowly breaking me. Not a week goes past without me having an emotional meltdown😭 feel like such a failure!
My DS loves to hit out at me all the time the minute I utter the word no. We are trying to stick to a routine with naughty spot/step to give him time to calm down for full blown tantrums but it’s exhausting. I’ve learnt to try and walk away from most situations where it is safe to do so. However this is easier said than done in public!
My DS is in nursery two days a week and of course is an absolute dream for them!
I’m wishing the time away and hoping that this isn’t just his behaviour permanently

DS (2.5) has started having tantrums from this week. They’ve become unbearable to the point I get a banging headache every evening. The crying, shrieking, lack of interest in food and biting and hitting DD(5) for no apparent reason is getting too much. We try and give in to his demands just to keep him quiet and stop the racket but I do want to be in control sometimes. Earlier he dropped his ice lolly on the floor and had a meltdown on the kitchen floor. It's like one minute they're happy as Larry the next minute he has morphed into the Hulk. Really hope this phase is over soon.

@charley39
So sorry for my late reply.
How has the last few weeks been with DS?
Mine are kind of like a rollercoaster. One day he is sweet the next he is awful, whinging, screaming, shouting no and hitting. It’s very stressful. I have found one thing that really helps him and myself. I send DS1 to the grandparents (he is 4) and I just spend a day doing things with DS2, we did this yesterday and he really enjoyed being with mummy on his own. Plus I loved it because he was on his best behaviour. It makes me wonder whether it’s just the stress of having an older brother bossing him around 24/7. Maybe he just gets frustrated with not being able to play with the toys without them being taken away from him.

Anyway I’ve also realised that some days will be awful and others will be great. It’s just being able to cope with the bad days!

@jaded247
So sorry for my late reply. I was having a good few weeks with DS and didn’t want to jinx it. Although now it’s gone completely left again.

How are your little ones tantrums now?

Today we took my sons to a Halloween children’s spook fest. Basically a farm with a few ghouls hanging around! Anyway all day he was a complete nightmare. Throwing himself on the floor in huge puddles, through the mud, everywhere, he didn’t care how filthy he got. It was awful. What was supposed to be a fun day out with the children, before another lockdown, turned out to be not so fun at all.

His tantrums recently have gotten really bad again. Since my last post he has actually had his 2nd birthday and these terrible twos are really at their peak.

I do remember going through the same awful tantrums with DS1, they started over nothing and it would take a long time to settle him down. Although he would never throw himself down into the mud or a puddle, infact he hated being dirty.
DS2 on the other hand, he doesn’t give a damn where he is or who is watching he will scream, throw himself down, get back up and charge at me with full rage and actually hit me!

Another thing DS1 didn’t do was lash out. He would never bite or hit like DS2 is currently doing now.

Days get extremely intense. I’ve even boasted up his hours at nursery. I can’t even take him on the school run with me because somehow he finds a way to turn it into a palava over the most smallest of things.

Im feeling so low and tired atm, the constant tantrums ans fighting with DS1. I do feel awful did my eldest as he has to go without certain things because of his brother. Ie days our, we used to have loads more spontaneous days out but with DS2 and his ways it just seems impossible.

It’s ok. DS’s tantrums have calmed down a bit but he still has his moments. The other day he was crying because he wanted a different flavour crisps to the ones I had. He had a full 30-min crying session.

That sounds like a lovely family day out until the children throw tantrums. I would love to go places with them and make memories but avoid it altogether. When DS has tantrums outside it really stresses me out. I guess we’ll have to be patient with them and understand that they’re not children for long. They’re at that age where they want to be independent and are testing our boundaries.

On the topic of school runs, I’ve started walking my DS to the school so he gets used to it. He’s going to be starting nursery there soon. A short walk there and it turns into a nightmare and I end up regretting not taking him in the pram. He just loves running off and doesn’t want to hold my hand.

jaded247
Sounds just like my boy tantruming over crisps and anything and everything!

It would of been a lovely day out if he wasn’t so miserable. I’ve already agreed that now until Christmas I’m not doing many, if any, family days out because it just gets too stressful.

Like yourself it stresses me out when DS tantrums in public and it puts a dampener on the whole day.
On the nursery run today his key worker told me that he has become quite aggressive, even hitting some of the children when they don’t want to share toys. He ha even apparently lashed out to the teachers, which again is no surprise to me, as I experience it all at home too.

Not sure what I can do to stop the hitting and general aggression, as my older son was not like this at all.

Nursery should settle your DS down, since mine started I have seen small, positive differences. The nursery is literally on the doorstep to us and I used to walk my first son but unfortunately DS1’s primary school is not walking distance it’s about a 20 min drive so we have to all get in the car.
I used to love the walk to nursery in the mornings, the fresh air does good for us all.

Good luck and I hope we both see some positive changes very soon!

Sending lots of hope!