Please help - hitting/biting

[NauseousNancy]

I’m in need of some help, desperately.

I have a 3 year old who hits/bites/destroys things when in a temper. Her temper is fierce, and it’s always when she doesn’t get her own way, or if she is being punished for something.

For example, if she won’t get her teeth brushed I won’t read her a bed time story. I give her a count to five, explain that if she doesn’t come and brush her teeth then she won’t get a story. I then tell her she won’t be getting a story. She loses it - bites, hits me etc etc. She doesn’t do this to other children.

When she calms down, she knows she was wrong and she is very remorseful.

How do I help her cope with these big emotions? My dh thinks we need to be firmer, shout at her and give more punishments but I just can’t bear it and think there has to be a better way than fighting aggression with aggression!

I’ll try anything!

Hopeful someone has a magic cure that will fix it all!!

Anyone have any pointers?

Don't have much experience with toddlers but this is not right My dh thinks we need to be firmer, shout at her and give more punishments but I just can’t bear it and think there has to be a better way than fighting aggression with aggression! - your feeling is correct. Do not punish her, and definitely do not treat aggression with aggression. She is struggling with her feelings. Does she tell you how she feels? Can you maybe ask her, sit down and tell me, do you feel sad, angry, frustrated, in pain...give her options so she can pick. Kids this small cannot articulate their emotions.

What I do agree with is telling her "come here with me please, we brush teeth together, both you and me" and do not leave the bathroom until this has not been done. Then to bed and for a story. I would engage her in everything you do, make her feel involved and in control. Seems she would feel more secure that way.

I think bedtime is a tricky time to expect a 3 year old to manage their emotions. Try the positive reinforcement of teeth brushing. Start a sticker chart or similar, start it in the morning when she'll hopefully be more receptive to the idea. Then after maybe 4 brushes give her a little treat just so it's not too long to realise good things happen. You could try getting her involved too, let her help squeeze the toothpaste and brush herself first.

Hi,
Never thought I would post anything on here, yet find myself needing some insight from others. Feeling very alone in all this so wanted to know if anyone out there has come through the other side of what is happening

My son is 3, 4 in September. He attends daycare 5 days a week. He is on track with his development, the only area he needs support with is emotional control and social interactions (with other kids)
At nursery if he gets angry/frustrated with something he may take it out on others, hitting for example. His language is very good, so he could use words to ask for what he wants or to articulate what a problem is. His emotions overwhelm him, and the nursery sound like they can’t give the 1:1 support he sometimes needs to coach him through these moments. They are already bending over backwards to accommodate him and make sure he is happy and engaged, after all there are 30 children to care for.

However, He doesn’t have so many of these outbursts at home, as I don’t have 30 same age kids at home! just a younger sister and he does not lash out at her.
He is not malicious in any way, doesn’t hit out randomly at all
It’s in the heat of the moment he acts without thinking. I have tried to walk him calmly through those moments and give him the pointers of what to do next time.

It’s hurts to think that the staff and other children/parents hear about his bad moments, yet there are so many positives being forgotten.

Worse still I don’t think they believe me at nursery. He doesn’t behave like this at home.

What do we do? What should they try in daycare?
I feel like a failure and I can’t help him there. I don’t want him to loose his place at nursery by hitting others and nursery asking him to leave
If he can’t go to nursery I can’t work and it puts so much at risk.

Anyone has/had same? Any info would be great x