I'm hoping someone may be able to suggest either some techniques or resources (books or whatever) to help my DD (10) and/or the rest of us, as she is having some big emotional ups and downs at the moment and struggling to keep on top of her feelings.
When she's not upset/angry (which is most of the time), she is very good-natured, sensible and pretty well-behaved. However when the "red mist" descends (maybe a few times a week?), she very quickly gets extremely angry and/or upset, shouts or cries, hyperventilates and finds it very difficult to calm down; and she then also gets upset at the strength/lack of control of her own emotions. What particularly worries me is that she will often start taking it out on herself too, and sometimes hits herself or says horrible things about herself (she's stupid, she hates herself etc) when she can't calm down. Afterwards she is often upset and apologises, wants cuddles etc. until she's fully calmed down, though at other times her mood seems to very suddenly flip and she can suddenly be Little Miss Sunshine again.
I have noticed it's definitely worse when she's tired (which I'm trying to work on, though she sometimes has trouble getting to sleep, which doesn't help) and also when she's hungry, so I'm trying to tackle that too and e.g. give her a snack if meals are delayed or if she starts seeming grumpy, and so on. But other triggers are things like her brother winding her up, including sometimes when he isn't really doing anything wrong, or just waking up in a terrible mood. It's possible puberty hormones may also be a factor, as she is starting to develop (though no periods yet).
I feel very sorry for her as it does seem she's having trouble controlling her feelings and how she responds to them (i.e. she's not just throwing strops to get what she wants), but also sorry for DS and the rest of us too, as we sometimes end up walking on eggshells to not set her off when she seems "on the edge", and when she does have a bad episode it can spoil everyone else's day too.
I would love to know of any techniques we could suggest to her or books/websites/whatever that would help her to deal with her feelings, be reassured and learn to keep a bit more control (and especially to address the hitting/hating herself), and also if there is anything DH and I can try to help to defuse things or help her learn to manage it better. I did have a few book recommendations from a friend, but think they were aimed a bit more at younger kids and she found them too "babyish" - she is quite mature for her age otherwise (does most things with older DS, and reads quite grown-up books for her age), so something aimed more for her age or upwards would be better. Thanks in advance!