Poo problems in 4.5 year old

[Pookythebear]

Hoping someone can help/advise - my 4.5 year old DS (starts school this September) has been toilet trained since just before turning 3 - he was very cooperative and managed with wee no problems at all and was dry from pretty much day 1 - both night and day. His poos took a little longer to catch up but with a bit of perseverance he pretty much got there most of the time but figured as he got older he'd get better on that score.

When he is in a unfamiliar situation or out and about and happens to need to go for a poo - he will (very obviously!) hold it in then say he needs to go, by which point a little has gone into his underwear - he will then finish off in the loo.

As he is starting school in September I really hoped this would not be a problem by now - he's a stubborn child by nature (adorable too but stubborn) and I know if I try and get him to sit on the loo after eating he wont etc. He does respond well to positive reinforcement and bribes and is very proud but just seems unwilling to go when he needs to - or maybe he just doesn't have control?!

Im torn between tackling this with gusto before school (but dont want to make a massive thing of it) OR say absolutely nothing and maybe he will get there in his own time.

He doesnt appear to be constipated - he goes every day with a normal stool - just an eighth of it is in his pants

We have a vaguely similar issue with our DS (same age but already in school). He tends to get limited warning that he needs to go, or ignores/doesn’t recognise he needs to go due to being absorbed in whatever he’s doing. Like your DS, he has form for denying he needs to go, then realising he’s had an accident.

Having done a bit of reading, I think constipation may be a factor. If it persists with DS, we are going to try for a GP appointment.

I have to say, I’m not sure how to tackle it. We have made it clear that accidents are ok but he needs to tell someone, and that he does need to try to go as soon as he feels the urge. Being very matter of fact about accidents has helped - he has now stopped arguing about whether he needs to go when he clearly does - and we have found he responds to “listen to what your bottom is telling you”. But it hasn’t necessarily stopped it happening!

Thanks@TwoKidsStillStanding - for taking the time - can I ask how you & the school have handled it? Did you give them the heads up or do you just send him off with a spare pair of pants in his bag?!

Have you used the app . Poo goes home to poo land? It's a great way of encouraging poos in the loo. We used this and heavily rewarded sitting in the toilet.. not particularly the poo but the sit and this worked well.

@Pookythebear, he has spare clothes at school but despite reassurances from me and his teacher, he refuses to tell anyone when it happens. He’s worried he’ll be in trouble. Then he tells me as soon as I pick him up. We have a chat about how accidents happen but he needs to tell someone so they can help him clean up, and how nobody will be cross. We get him cleaned up at home. He promises to tell someone next time.

Then the next time it happens, he tells me on the way home....

So no advice. However, I am talking to his teacher, who is lovely, and has had a kind but firm chat with him about telling her so she can help. So we will see what happens next time. Would definitely recommend making school aware and providing spares and wet wipes.