Toilet training in time for nursery

[senorita81]

My son is 3 years old and 1 month and due to start nursery in September.
He is not toilet trained but I have recently just started.
I feel pressure by family that he needs to be toilet trained by the time he starts nursery. Is this correct?
Obviously I would like him to be trained by then but he has always been a slow burner at things and he isnt very good at spontaneous speech either, so I don't think he would tell me when he needs to pee or poo.
He also isnt very good with his hands in terms of zips and pulling trousers up etc,so I do all that for him.
I just feel like it is massive challenge and that it has to be done in 2 months time.
Help!

I do think it's going to make school especially difficult if he isn't trained by then. I wasn't convinced my 2YO was quite ready either because her spontaneous speech was touch and go too but she took to it instantly. We used the oh crap pilet training method which I found great. It's a book available on Amazon but the premise is basically mean it when you start it (in the words of Yoda do or do not there is no try) as you don't want them thinking it's optional but also accepting that it is a learning process just like walking/talking and you can't necessarily expect them to master it in a day. The way it suggest which has worked well for mine is basically nothing on from the waste down and have potties right next to them until they get the idea then loose trousers/dress for ideally a few weeks then hopefully fully potty trained. Tbh we went straight to knickers after a few days as her daycare understandably didn't want her going commando whilst she was there. My LO has had accidents don't get me wrong but she's done totally fab and really caught on fast with this method. It is a big ask in only a few weeks but the weather is good and you're not going far due to lockdown so it's the perfect time to do the above method. Be patient and don't give up if there are accidents. I'm pretty sure nursery won't expect her to be totally dry either so don't worry but I do agree that it's probably time to try. After reading oh crap I don't really believe in them 'not being ready' I think with some kids the longer you leave the harder it actually gets as they learn to be more stubborn about it. Good luck. Pop over to the potty training part of these message boards. You'll get more response there I bet and perhaps more specific advice on training an older child too x

PS sorry to put pressure on you but he'll also need to be able to dress and undress himself and even put own coats on by school age at least I would've thought. It's frustrating I know if they're not really interested in learning it but what's worked for us is just talking her through what you do and allowing time for her to do it and in a cruel to be kind way not helping her. She can't do her coat yet but can get trousers up and down and just about put tops on most of the time x

Thank you so much for all that info, it was so helpful. I will take a look at that book. It sounds great

Yes only nursery age so don't worry, they'll be there to support the journey of toilet training with you. Seeing other children use the toilet helped my DS no end ad he'd copy what they did. For dressing, just put him in simple bottoms that pull up with no zips or buttons and it'll be easier for him, but again the staff are there to help.

It's not until they start school at age 4/5 That you'd expect more independence in managing this

In my experience nurseries are quite good at helping with toilet training. Definitely worth getting going with it but don't worry if he's not totally consistent by the time he starts, as they are very used to accidents. Peer pressure at nursery seems to encourage children to try to be independent.

The good news is that physically he is almost certainly ready and 2 months is actually a decent length of time to get him started. If you have a garden, he can be naked outdoors at first to help him get the hang of it before throwing clothes into the mix.

Re clothes: a tip is to buy clothes which are slightly big as they will be easier to get up and down - e.g. shorts which are a little loose round his waist.

Never have and never will understand 3 year olds who are still not toilet trained, should have started prior to 1 year. Would you like to change the nappy of a stranger's 3 year old, I certainly wouldn't and would be resentful of a parent who expected me to.
I blame the advent of disposable nappies as it was unthinkable for a child to still be in a terry nappy at such an advanced age. Both mine were clean and dry by 18 months, yes, 18 months. Just start every morning on the potty as soon as they wake.

Lots of nurseries will insist on toilet training by 3, but I don't think they are allowed to really. My son was definitely not trained by the time he started at preschool and they were brilliant. I look back with real fondness at the way they didn't insist on it and cause us stress. In fact, once trained, he had no accidents and was dry at night compared to my two girls who were mostly daytime dry but had accidents and needed night time nappy for quite some time.

@Lollee that's really quite harsh. Do you actually have anything constructive to add to the conversation? Did you actually have any advice on HOW OP might go about getting her child out of nappies or did you just wanna brag about your own kids?

Good for you Lollee. Luckily, the preschool staff understood that children develop at different rates. Ds was trained quickly and with minimal mess once he was ready. We tried before but decided it wasn't a good use of our time to run around after him attempting to catch his wee and to wait until he understand and could control.

There are children who are ready much, much younger and plenty who aren't who either get stressed out by it.
Oh, and for what it's worth, I think the preschool staff would be a bit insulted to be considered strangers when they had already known us as a family for 2 years. Ds even went in as a baby (about six weeks old) so the children could learn about babies.