Why am I harder on my eldest son?

[niceglasses]

I know I am much harder on my eldest son (almost 7). I have a younger son and the youngest of the family - a girl aged 3.

I shout more at the oldest, demand more and higher standards - I am not as accepting of who he is. Some of this is because he can be a difficult character, but then so can the other two.

I've come to realise I really really do shout and pick on him a lot more and fear for my relationship with him. Does anyone else find this?

Yes, I do too. I had three under four at one point, and I remember looking at ds1 and thinking 'what are you doing playing with a train, shouldn't you have a job or something by now?'

I've tried to even it out a bit, and tried to find special privilages for him to compensate being on the end of my mad demands most of the time.

Also oldest children are different, I'm sure of it. Both dh and I are youngest of large families, so ds1 is alone in that uncomfortable top of the tree spot.

I think the special priveleges thing is a good idea - I should do more of this I think. I tend to lump him together with his younger brother which isn't fair.

Yes, I am aware that I expect more of ds than his younger sister even though there is only a year between them. I sometime forget how little ds actually (only 4).

I think once you are aware of it, you have made a step towards solving the problem.

I have actually told him that because he is so big and clever I expect more of him but sometimes I'm not fair to him. If he thinks I'm not being fair, he should tell me. He does (rather more than I would actually like!).

Goodluck

I used to do this too. DD seemed so much older and more capable than the boys that I expected her to behave better. LOL at ahundredtimes shouldn't you have a job

Sometimes it can be a personality clash- your eldest is either too much like you or too much like some other family member?

I'm like this with dd. She will be 6 soon & I sometimes think she is about ten & get angry with her for "acting like a baby"

Yes, it's all most unfair isn't it? That's why they need the pay off - later bedtime, solo cinema trips etc.

DS1 is terribly nice to me now though, and he map-reads and is kind (if a little patronising) when I get my left and right muddled up.

When we go away without dh, he is amazing. Is like he steps up to that role, and sorts things out in the back of the car.

I heart ds1. Which is just as well, because I've been mean as hell to him over the years, with the thinking he's ten when he's four thing.