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Quirky 4/5 year old. Aspergers?

3 replies

Hopender · 17/06/2020 06:18

My little boy is turning five (he is middle son out of three) this weekend and I'm a little worried about his development. Since he was about two he has shown some signs of HFA or Aspergers. But never enough to get him referred for a proper assessment. He did see speech and language when he was three but they signed him off (assessment included visit to nursery). The kind of issues he's had over the years have included sensory sensitivities (real issues with noises and clothes at around the age of 3), speech (his reciprocal language was slow to come and he repeated a lot) and lack of flexibility (he is on the whole fine with transitions but in the past it has been hugely hard to get him to think about how his actions might impact other children). Today, much of his speech issues have been resolved. He is articulate with a large vocabulary. He does still stutter a bit at times and repeat when he is trying to get a sentence out but it isn't too bad and the school aren't too worried. He isn't particularly socially driven. He likes to play with children in a boisterous way but one on one play is more difficult for him. He has an amazing imagination but tends to want to lead/control the game which obviously can cause issues. He gets upset if other children don't follow the 'rules' of the imaginary game as set by him! His teachers say he has friends and his friends like him. But the thing that worries me is that over the lockdown period he has gone further and further into his imaginary world. To be specific, he thinks he is an alien boy (he is pleased with this) and likes to tell everyone we meet he isn't from this planet and his mummy and daddy found him under a bush in the front garden after he travelled to earth on an asteroid. If anyone asked him a question he answers it as if he is an alien boy (as in 'what would like snack?' and his answer would be 'alien chicken drumsticks'). He actually has a name for his planet and the type of alien he is too but probably too complicated to get into. He starts school in September and I'm worried this kind of behaviour is going to be considered a little odd. The other thing he does is stim. I'd not considered that it was stimming until his preschool teacher mentioned it but now I can see it might be that. He does unusual finger movements like explosions and tapping when he is bored but mainly as part of his imaginary play. The teacher said she wasn't concerned about it but wanted to mention it. He does it at home too but I hadn't thought it was a big deal. The health visitor said she agreed he was a little quirky yesterday (he attempted to show her his imaginary photo album from his home planet) but that she thinks unless he struggles at school then we don't have a clear enough reason to have him assessed for aspergers. In a way I'm glad about that and I hope he settles when he starts at school but I can't help but worry I should be doing more. Or am I worrying unnecessarily? He doesn't have tantrums and is well behaved on the whole. He has lots of enthusiasms as well as his main alien one (sea creatures, Peter Rabbit, dinosaurs, volcanoes, making up stories with his toy figures, football). I keep hearing though that children with aspergers benefit from early intervention and I don't want to miss anything. I perhaps sound overly concerned and please do say if you think that but I'm finding it hard to completely enjoy his childhood while worrying about his quirks. Having said that I do obviously adore him completely and don't want to change him. I just worry he is going to have a hard time at school and I'm missing something. The other issue is that we are due to move countries at some point soon and I am worried about how he will cope with this. My main question though is whether others have encountered similar issues and whether it seems like it could be Aspergers? If so, should I push for assessment or maybe try to get help from a private speech and language therapist who specialises in social interaction or just put it down to personality quirks. Thank you!

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 19/06/2020 15:56

One book you might find helpful when your DS has to navigate school is The Unwritten Rules of Friendship which has lots of practical advice for dealing with kids' social issues from bossiness to over-sensitivity to oddity.

I can see why you're concerned and you could try for a private referral but it may be just was well to wait til he gets to school. Referrals and assessments rely on recent observations about how he interacts with other kids as well as adults and most of the effective interventions also rely on interactions with other kids for learning and practice. So if he's not showing obvious problems now then it may not do any harm to wait-and-see til he gets to school. I know what you mean about "early intervention" but they take a long time to have much effect, he is still very young and he has a long time ahead for the interventions that will help him develop and learn the social skills he needs.

When he starts school keep in touch with the teacher and if there are any problems or signs that he really isn't coping - social problems with other kids, or challenging behaviour at home or school, or if you can see he's getting very stressed and anxious - then start pushing for referrals.

You could also go on the MN Special Needs threads and ask there, there's a lot of experience there.

ishouldtryabitdaily · 19/06/2020 17:35

My son sounds similar, very imaginative on his favourite subjects. Slow on speech and had some speech therapy, picked up now nearly 4, but not perfect. Also going to school September.

My DS thinks he's a police car and crashes into bad guys. He moves his fingers to signal the flashing lights and he does sirens noise. Some days he seems to do it less and some more. I think it's a filler and he does it at preschool. They said others sometimes join in and play his police game. Others pretend to be sonic the hedgehog or a Spider-Man, so I don't think it's a completely unusual thing.

DS seems to have friends and as his speech improves he seems quite social, but initially shy ( slow to warm up). He had previous obsessions, pretending to be a crane, mainly during football training. So that was the end of that activity ! I'm seeing it as a good imagination. Hopefully they will be fine.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 20/06/2020 08:46

He sounds a delightful child! Smile

I would disagree with the professionals re: assessment. Speaking as the parent of a DS on the spectrum, you get absolutely no support at all from statutory agencies unless you have a formal diagnosis these days.

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