Not babbling / talking reassurance

[Torro85]

Hi
I’ve been meaning to do this for years as I really needed to read some success stories with my DS1 and couldn’t really find any!
DS1 is 3 now. He was very late to babble and point. There was limited waving and clapping despite my best efforts! He didn’t babble consonants until well after he was 1 and had no words up to 18 months or so. Then all of a sudden he began speaking and by 2 was talking in full sentences. He went from being behind to overtaking many of his ‘peers’. I read so much at the time (I’m a medical researcher) and I was so concerned about autism particularly because he didn’t point and did hand leading. I even paid privately to see a speech therapist when he was about 18 months and she assured me other than speech delay she couldn’t detect any red flags for autism and thought the hand leading was shyness. Now that he is 3 I am pretty convinced that he is NT and (I know all parents think this ha) also a bit of a brain box! I wish I could have known how things would turn out back then. For info he was on schedule with his physical milestones. Oh and I did baby sign with him which I feel helped us communicate pre speech.
I now have a DS2 who is 8 months who so far isn’t babbling consonants either. He does a lot of screaming but like his brother doesn’t seem to be trying to make distinguishable sounds. Thankfully I have my past experience to reassure me Altho I will still be paying close attention to his progress!
Hope this helps someone who might be worrying like I was

Hi! This is so helpful, I wish more people would update on how their situation worked out. I'm so glad it was a positive outcome for your son. Can I ask how his understanding was when he wasn't speaking yet? My little girl is 17 months tomorrow and she doesn't wave or point yet despite so much effort. My partner is very concerned about autism and has pretty much decided she has it. I am a little more cautious, I feel words are coming but apparently if children aren't gesturing then they won't begin to speak.

My 26MO didn't babble til almost a year old. Could locate to several every day objects and follow some simple commands by this age though a d said her first word oh oh. I was worried for a while because she was slow to really take off with talking and only said maybe a handful of words y 18MO. However she was taking sentences regularly by 21MO and hasn't shut up since! She's still quite unclear but comes out with new things I didn't even know she knew every day and I'm not really worried any more. It seems like every time I've gotten quite concerned she's then cranked things up a notch and I wonder what I was ever whittling about. I personally think with speech a massive thing to look for is whether they understand. I have never been truly concerned about my LO coz she might not talk as eloquently as her peers but she's sharp as a tack with her understanding. 8MO is obviously too young to really work out what they understand but you may well notice some basic levels of understanding in the next few weeks/months like locating to you or other members when you say your name or turning when you say their name and being able to point to a few objects when asked to etc. If by 18MO there's other signs of social delay, especially not pointing regularly or he can't follow some simple commands or point to some names objects or body parts for example then I think then would be the time to start taking action. Just enjoy him for now. Chances are he's totally fine xx

@Torro85 Thank you so much for this, OP.

I’ve been concerned about my 14 month old son. He barely ever responds to his name when I call him, preferring to carry on playing with his toys or watching his favourite TV programme. He does, however, most of the time respond to his big sister when she calls him.

He also isn’t pointing to show me things of interest yet, or to ask for a drink etc.. He will reach out and extend his arm to whatever I ask him to identify (The light for example) He has actually pointed a few times, such as when my sister’s face comes on to Facetime, he’ll point at her, but he’s never pointed to show me what he wants or needs.

He’s babbling loads, can say “hiya” “dada” occasionally “mama” He can clap and wave bye bye, enjoys playing peek a boo and reading animal books with me. He can repeat animal noises and tunes of songs and is a happy, sociable baby but the lack of response to name and pointing has massively worried me.

After reading this I feel that I could be worrying for nothing.

Posts like this are incredibly helpful and reassuring especially to new parents.

Milestones are good to be aware of but also an absolute curse.

So so many parents are worried about autism now because a milestone hasn't been hit.

Thanks for posting this.

@Gobbycop
Absolutely. I’m not a first time parent, but there’s almost a 10 year gap between mine. I swear, 10 years ago, there wasn’t all these milestone checks and all of this worry and concern. I enjoyed my DD but feel like I watch DS to check he’s hit certain milestones and when he hasn’t my nerves are shot.

Hi everyone!
I’m so pleased this post has helped some of you. I wish I remembered more clearly the exact timelines but I know for certain he was a long long way behind the pointing milestone which was a big concern for me. He did have a normal level of understanding I think and could follow simple commands but just no sounds or gestures. He did start baby signing which helped us a lot but still wasn’t a pointer. It was also the fact that he was just so silent, I think if he had been attempting to babble it would have reassured me but there was very little noise. And he had babbled a little at 6 months ish so again I was worried this was a sign of a skill disappearing etc.
Have any of your kids had waxy ears? He always had really waxy ears so much so the doctors said they couldn’t refer us for a hearing check but I was sure he could hear fine because a creaking floorboard or crisp packet would wake him up etc. In hindsight though his ears may have played a part as he still has issues with wax now but that wouldn’t explain the lack of gestures. Either way he went from silence to full sentences just before 2 and he is a very talkative and sociable 3 year old now!
I was so upset about it at the time and I couldn’t find anything to say that he would be ok and he really is so please don’t lose hope if you are in a similar situation X

@Torro85 Again, thank you OP, so helpful as my soon to be 15 month old isn’t a pointer!! I mean, he has pointed on occasion at my sister on Factime and also at animals in a book, but never to show me what he wants or to share an interest in something with me.
Waxy ears - YES! One looks almost blocked with wax. Never worried about his hearing though as he seems to hear everything else, apart from me calling his name I mean, he does respond to me on occasion, but it’s fairly rare. My GP prescribed drops and wants to see him in a week.

On the plus side, he babbles lots, repeats animals noises, great eye contact, seems to understand some instructions, and before lockdown was sociable and enjoyed the company of others - No idea how he’ll be after all of this. We’ve barely seen anyone.

So glad to hear that your boy is thriving. I feel like i’m not fully enjoying my son as I worry about his development so much.

Villagefete judging by what you have said, I don't see what you are worrying about at all?

My 17 month old points at nothing. Not even things in a book. She cannot point.

I'm still not worried as such, she has lots of development time left and some children just do things later. The same as some children don't walk until later.

@CP2701 Thank you, I think I need to hear that I’m probably worrying for nothing. There’s a bit of a back story that I won’t bore you with, but I feel like i’m always waiting for something “bad” to happen to him.
The pointing thing was just mentioned in a group i’m in, and it seemed to be that every baby was pointing at bloody everything. Their baby is also the “best at this” and the “best at that” etc... so I should probably take it all with a pinch of salt.
Also, you Google “When doesn’t my baby always respond to his name” and it screams autism at you.

A few things to remember;

1)People forget exactly when their children did things and they exaggerate and sometimes bare faced LIE. Someone I know will tell you her child was saying words at 4MO... sorry but no. NO child can say a word in context at this age. She will also show you a video of her kid doing or saying something clever and say it was a certain age but you'll see it on her Facebook time hop and her kid was actually about 6 months older than she claimed.

2. There's so much our babies are learning at this age that they are almost certainly going to be ahead with some things and behind/just on track with others. Eg my LO wasn't super quick to talk but she could do a 24 piece jigsaw independently by age 22MO

3. Kids don't all follow the same trajectories with their development as much as speech therapists etc will claim they're a one size fits all. Some will not say a word then suddenly have a conversation with you. Others will do it gradually. Eg a speech tx will claim your child will say 50 single words at least before attempting to join them. Mine could say 20 at most before she did this and for good measure threw in a sporadic 'daddy I want more' once and once only several months before she really talked in sentences.... go figure?!

4. being on the autistic spectrum can be devastating and crippling but you won't love your kid any less if they are. Also it's ok to just be a bit different. It doesn't always need a label. We need all types of people in the world not just followers and those that hit the midline of social norms. Just because your child doesn't fit the exact norm doesn't mean there has to be something wrong with them. They may be more skilled at critical thinking than socialising. They might be simply quirky and less inclined to follow the crowd and that's fine. These are often the people who change the world in great ways. Or they might just be concentrating on a different skill right now and be going to catch up. The point is we sometimes just need to celebrate our children's differences not label them.

My newly 14 month old isn't pointing either and I have given up looking at signs as it stresses me out and the LO picks up on my stress and worries. He has been walking for 3 weeks though and I think he is busy getting used to the idea of walking and exploring instead of communicating and socialising.

I've just seen a video of a friends baby similar age to my DS (3.5 weeks older) and he is pointing, sharing toys etc but he has been walking since 10.5 months and he has a older toddler brother where he gets to see the more advanced baby behaviour whereas my son, has been in lockdown for 3 months (like everyone else of course) , recently started walking and is an only child. I can't take him to the nursery right now so he could spend time with other children and what he learns is from from me and DH and sometimes I realise we don't really sit and play with him properly being busy with house chores and working from home etc.

But from today, I will spend at least 1 hour sitting down with him and engaging with him properly. I was a late speaker and developer too when I was young but NT and managed to get a masters degree and work in a managing position, ok, I wasn't the most brightest but I'm practical and with determination you can do it.

I'm not saying people with autism can't, of course they can and some of them are really good in certain fields but what I'm trying to say is; if my son is similar to me and with the right support and guidance he too can achieve what I achieved and have a decent living. He doesn't need to be in a rat race amongst his peers of who hits their milestones first, it's more about their life afterwards. No one will ask you about your milestones when you are in your 30s but people will either look up you or look down at you and that comes down to the individual.

You may see some people who were very bright when they were young but a couch patato living on benefits smoking crack and you may meet people like myself not the most intelligent, late speaker and developer but was determined to make the most out of the opportunities I was given (brain, education, family support, family guidance)

OP what would u think of my little boy of 26 months who isn't saying any words but is definitely trying and he's constantly talking in jibberish and understands great

Hi guys quick message just to add that I mean no disrespect to any ASD parents/kids, it absolutely would not have changed my love for my son and I understand the varying degrees and the difficulty with labelling etc (agree with all points made by poster above).
My concern was that my son wouldn’t ever be able to communicate and the information I found online often exacerbated my fears (for context I am a medical researcher who wrote their thesis on autism). I only wanted to put out a post to expand upon the view that all kids are different and if you’re isn’t pointing or babbling or talking at all by the ‘milestones’ it doesn’t mean they won’t be in the future!

I think we almost are given too much information relating to milestones these days. I was so much more laid back with my first child 15 years ago and I don't recall any of this milestone checking etc!

@Torro85 did u see my message/question to u that I commented at around 10.30pm last night?

Hi skyblue27, I’m by no means an expert so I can only really share my own experience but as others have said I would say that understanding is a very good sign. Does he try and communicate? I would encourage doing baby sign as it gives them a way to communicate pre speech X

@Torro85 yes he tries to say words and makes lots of different sounds

@VillageFete do you have any update please?

@Yas1362 Hi. Well my pride and joy is age 6 now. I wish I knew then what I know now and i’d never had worried. He’s marvellous, such a gorgeous kid and doing absolutely fine.

Was never much of a pointer, was definitely more “laid back” with milestones, definitely a bit quirky but honestly he’s doing great. Doesn’t shut up! Lots of friends, doesn’t keep still, bundles of fun.

@VillageFete hi. Thanks for the update! How great that your son is doing so well!🙏