One year old behind comments upset

[Cp1402]

My baby had a one year check over the telephone with a health visitor today, she said he is behind socially and with communication apparently due to only saying dada and baba, so he should be saying more words ? He also doesn’t point to anything and won’t pass me a toy if I asked him too or play peekaboo. These are all the questions she asked me. Things he can do are throw a ball to me when I ask, puts his arms out to be carried, very happy and playful in other ways , smiles and interacts with other children, so should I be concerned ? The thing that’s upset me is i asked the health visitor should I be worried about this and her reply was “well not necessarily some baby’s take longer than others but you sound quite flat today on the phone” which I told her I have been awake since 4am so I’m tired ? She then went on to say it could be that my mental health has affected him and my mood could have rubbed off on him and delayed his development... I have post natal depression & I’ve recovered from birth ptsd treated with edmr. She then said of course it’s not your fault though. I cried my eyes out after this phone call as it’s just made me feel like utter shit, I try my best with my baby I talk to him all day, we play, we read - not everyday so maybe thats where I’m going wrong. We go on long walks too. Am I being over dramatic to be upset over this?

Phone calls make it hard to effectively communicate. Hv has probably phrased it wrong and due to no eye contact has not picked up on it. I really wouldn't worry but if you are worried call the hv back to discuss, maybe on a day you aren't feeling so tired.

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things - which isn’t easy with depression. The questions seem rather rigid given that all babies develop at different rates. Certainly in my family the babies don’t say recognisable words before 14m. I think PP is right about wires getting crossed without the face to face.

That health visitor sounds absolutely awful! Your baby doesn’t sound delayed to me. My DS didn’t say a word until he was 14 months and didn’t point until 16 months and now at 23 months he has nearly 200 words and points constantly. It sounds like you and your baby are both doing fine.

She sounds like an idiot.

You're doing a great job, chin up 🙂

Hi @Cp1402 please don't be upset and certainly do not blame yourself! I have not had post-natal depression and my 12 month old sounds very similar so it is certainly not your fault if your baby's communication is a little behind...Though I don't actually think you have anything to worry about!
I also had the 12 month check a couple of weeks ago over the phone and was left in tears after the questions I was asked when I realised she doesn't point or pass a toy either. I went into panic mode!
My health visitor sent me the questionnaire though to do at home- have you received this? We practised a few of the things on the list and now her communication and social 'scores' are much better. Also seeing the questionnaire for ourselves we realised that she may not do some of their examples but she does do other things that would count towards it. So your baby throwing the ball to you I think would count as passing a toy.
Also our baby is doing well at other things such as motor skills and when I spoke to a different health visitor they said often babies may do better in some areas than others at first.
We also think that being in lock down has not helped our babys social and communication skills. Ordinarily we would have been going to baby classes and seeing other children and family members so this must have had some effect. I think your baby sounds lovely and like a perfectly normal 12 month old but even if he is a little behind in communication and social areas according to the 'checklist' I'm sure things will improve once we all get back to normal.
Hope that helps. Let me know if you want me to send the link for the questionnaire. Xxx

Your health visitor doesn't sound nice at all. She certainly shouldn't be saying things like that to someone with postnatal depression!

The truth is some baby's take longer to develop than others. I remember my daughters 1 year review they said she was slightly behind with somethings & I was upset but they said it's quite normal and they all catch up at some point. She's now nearly 3 and quite advanced. It's not your fault and you are doing your best

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