no no no NOOOOO!!!!

[misdee]

This is all we hear from dd2 atm. everything we say to hear is met with a screaming no! its happenig at night when i put her back to bed, its happenign when i ask if she wants a drink, if she wants a bath etc etc.

I know its a phase, but dd2 has such a piercing scream on her that it seems like a have a permament headache. when she is doing it in the middle of the night she is waking dd1 as well. i am thinking about putting them in spereate rooms as dd1 needs more sleep. i also want dd2 to sleep through which she hasnt done since moving here, as i think some of these 'no tantrums' will stop if she sleeps more at night.

please, can anyonme offer any tips.

Awww no real tips just feel sorry for you It's so hard to ignore them when they constantly go on and on. think moving dd1 is a good idea for now. Hope you get some good tips misdee

What happens if you just give her a drink, or tell her she's going to have a bath now?

DS did this for a bit... I know I'm going to get flamed for saying this (please don't everyone!), but I said a couple of times 'if you scream I'll smack you', and then did so. After the first couple of times saying 'if you carry on screaming after I've counted to three I'll smack you' produced the desired result (usually on 3!) and now just starting to slowly count to 3 in a very serious tone of voice normally does the trick.
Sorry!

misdee - much sympathy. All my ds seems to be able to say at the moment is "no" "I want" and "I not want." No, tell a lie, he just said "Go 'way Mummy, I not like you."

if i tell her she is having a drink, she will scream no, hit me and throw herself on the floor. if i run the bath without telling her 1st again the screaming hitting and throwing hersle fon the floor will start. i dont know what is worse, her doing it if i dont tell her whats happening, or her just doing it.

she is only just 2 btw.

Mine went through this phase at 2. We started saying 'I'm going into the other room. Come and find me when you're ready to have a drink/get in the bath/go to bed etc' It worked (and still works) pretty well. I think it was something about removing the audience from the performance.
They are a nightmare aren't they? Good luck misdee

misdee, do you do "time out"? When ds2 is really pushing it I shut him in his room for a couple of minutes. It has the advantage of putting a bit of distance between the two of you so you get chance to calm down too.

He made me laugh the other day as he was throwing a wobbly at not being allowed in his older brother's room (we have put a hook and eye on the door as he kept going in and destroying all ds1's lovingly created Lego models). I was just ignoring him and he went upstairs and started banging about - went after him (to see if he was tring to kick the door down!) and he had shut himself in his own room and stayed in there 'til he calmed down. He came down then and said "I not cross now."

But he is nearly three - at just two your dd doesn't have the ability to express herself so well, hence all the tantrums. It does get better...

I've been known to go outside (with a key though) for a minute or two and do lots of deep breathing Just to try to get some perspective.

With the drink thing - I would just say "here's your drink" and if she kicks off, just say "OK, no drink then" and walk away. If she lashes out at you I would do time out and explain what you are doing "you don't hit Mummy, I am putting you in your room until you can be a good girl." If she refuses the drink - her loss (she'll soon learn that one when she's thirsty!)

With the bath, again - say you are running a bath - give her prior warning and opportunity to co-operate - then do it. If she hurts you (that's my cut off point - ds2 hurting anyone is a definite time out offence) then stick her in her room (2 minutes, as she's two).

Just keep doing it, stick at it, it really does help.

Misdee - someone on this site posted something that really struck home to me on a behaviour thread a while ago. Basically they said that the child's behaviour is like a mirror to your own.

I was a bit taken aback when I first thought about it, but there was a lot of my children's behviour that I could see was in terms of tone quite similar to mine. That no nonsence voice I put on when I want them to take me seriously, is less appealing when used back to me by a six year old!

Is it possible that you say no to her at times, and she is just playing it back??

If so maybe some subtle changes to how you tell her no, without saying the word itself might help?

If you don;t use this word with her, then feel free to ignore this - its just a thought

Message withdrawn

I would also stop asking her questions she can say 'no' to, and simply give a drink at regular intervals (my ds runs like clockwork in that respect which makes it easier). Simply put it down near her. If she screams just say, "well, don't drink it then' and walk away. Give absolutely minimal attention to screaming as others have suggested. If you walk away she can't hit you. For the bath, I think plenty of warning - after bedtime hour finishes we will have a bath, in a minute we will have a bath, now, OK I'm going upstairs to get your pyjamas and we will have a bath, and ignore all the 'nos' as if they aren't happening. Agree that hitting deserves a short time out in her bedroom or somewhere. But no shouting or attention given for it. And of coure, the usual, lots and lots and lots of praise for any cooperation however small. ie if she's screaming but going up the stairs, say, "well done for climbing up the stairs with mummy'. And yes, it is a phase. They are just seeing what happens when they do it and trying out their growing independence. But it is absolutely maddening though!

agree it is a phase

the way ds stopped is when i posted my worries on MN, he stopped the next day!!!
same when he decided he would start hitting me and shouting nooooooo

Hope it works

I've just had to eat an ice lolly that ds2 asked for and wouldn't eat. I tried the 'right mummy's having it then trick' and he said 'go on then mummy you have it' bless their cotton socks eh?

totally agree with soapbox on the mirror/behaviour thing. I've noticed a big change since I re-evalutated my way of parenting.

stairs aloha? we're bungalowpeople, makes itharder to assign her bedroom to time out. must invest in a gate that fits as an extra.

I've managed to get through a few of these phases by turning it into a game. It seems to work with both my dd and ds who have absolutely opposite personalities. I'll say something like "Do you know what happens to naughty girls/boys who say no?.....They get sloppy kisses." I then proceed to hand out lots of slobbery kisses. My son professes to hate sloppy kisses. By doing this I am distracting him from the original situation and teasingly let him know that I would prefer him to express himself in another way. I usually also say something corrective as well like "If you tell what you want with words instead of screaming, I won't have to give you sloppy kisses next time." I also substitute "bites" on the bottom for sloppy kisses. This consists of turning them over and pretending to bite their bottom. They think this is hilariously funny and again get distracted from the original situation. I do stomach rasberries too.
That's not to say that I do the game thing when they are being truly naughty, like hitting each other etc. I really reserve it for situations where I think they are frustrated at not being able to express themselves and "tantrum" instead.

misdee, my dd's just turned 2 as well and she's using 'no' more than ever too. She makes me laugh actually as I say 'can you put that away for mummy?' she shouts an emphatic 'no!!!!!' but does it anyway. Sometimes I mimic her back in a madly exagerrated way while tickling her and she sees the funny side of herself. Other times I have to let her burn out her temper and then try again. Whatever happens I never ever respond with anger.

had a thought. dd2 hasnt been taking her fish oils lately (i bought the wrong flavour), this might have made her tantrums appear worse atm. but have restocked on the right flavour, so she is back on them as of today.

I am going to be sortin gout the back bedrooom and hopefully decorating it this week so dd2 will be in her own room, and dd1 will hopefully be able to sleep allo night and not be woken up by her sister. The room also has the added bonus of being as far away from any adjoining walls with my neighbour so i can do some controlled crying with her if needs be.

hey.

try not asking a yes and no question. ask whether she wants water or juice, wether she wants the green towel or red towel.
ask if she wants this quit or that etc.

that works for a friend of mine- my ds hasnt got to that stage nut when she does thats what i plan on using.

this way hell feel like he has a choice and that makes him feel in control.

Maryx

oh n with the bath try getting her to put the plug in n pull it out at the end

basically

gud luck