Difficult stubborn 2 year old

[madame]

Please some one out there just offer any support or pearls of wisdom. I have had to walk away from dd daughter 2 years today as I feel so frustrated and upset. She has been poorly this week and therefore her mood has of course been affected but she is just being so difficult at the moment .

These are the bad habits and I know they are but we are in them now and really need to get out of them. She will only eat if I play with her at the table and then I have to spoon it in half the time! and she is constanly waking us at night demanding milk and because we are so tired and busy people we give in and take the easy way out and give it to her. I know these things all need to change and I need to get some of the power back.........I just don't know how to start without dd starving and us not getting any sleep whatsoever.

Dh and I have found that weekends when we should be enjoying ourselves with her become a battle ground and we both end up upset and frustrated by her.

I just want her to start eating independently and go back to sleeping the whole night which at 2 surley she should be doing. I also want her to listen to some things we say to her when it matters like not running off in a shop!I just feel so deflated and basically a crap mother at the moment with a very short fuse!

Please help

Madame I'm really glad you found my advice helpful. Lots of MNers think I am too harsh but unfortunately the approach works. Sounds like you have got off to a good start today and last night!

For time out before 2 I just say 'right you will sit in here (the hallway in my case) until you can calm down/ behave' then 'you do not hit/ kick etc. Make it to the point so they know what they have done wrong. When they stop the tantrum I say 'ok, have you finished?' Usually my dd says yes or no but if she says 'no' I say ok you can stay in there a little longer. The next time I go in to her she usually says 'yes' or 'finished. I then say 'will you play nicely' she normally says yes. I then say 'good girl'.

Being a parent is never straight forward. I used to be a nanny and was a pretty good one. I think I was a better nanny than I ama parent but are coming through the fog of bad depression and life is good at the moment.

Thank you NAB3, glad life is better for you

I think the biggest challenge with children is the power struggle and I have a particulary strong willed little girl. She isn't bad just strong and I want to nuture that, not squash it. I have been looking on line also about the naughty step and I am going to persevere with it.

What do you do when you are out? for instance yesterady she was being a real monkey in a shop and I warned her and she carried on so I ended up putting her back in her push chair,much to her disgust and sreams! Is there a more civilised way of doing the technique when I am out, but of course safe

Madame, the pushchair is fine, especially ifshe views it as babyish! Warn her that if she carries on acting like a baby that you will treat her like a baby and that she will sit in the pushchair, say 'you are a big girl, so walk nicely please.'

Glad you had a better night, madame it's amazing how much calmer it makes you feel!

One thing I have learnt that helps is to be "sad" or "cross" at the behaviour & not the child. ie " I'm so sad when you behave like that bc Iknow you're not a naughty girl but THAT was a naughty/not nice thing to do" Also to praise the nice things/time like when she DOES still nicely at the table, doesn't have to be effusive just thank her for doing it after her meal or tidying up.

If you tell a child they're naughty it becomes a label to live up to. (IMVHO!!)

I find discipline when out hard too. If the children do something in the morning which would warrant being sent to calm down in their rooms, but you need to leave for school, what do you do?

Completely agree bossybreeches about the behaviour being naughty, not the child. Although I don't say naughty girl to my dd she has sussed how I don't like the words put together and takes delight in saying it over and over again grinning as she goes!!