goddaughter poos and wipes it everywhere to get attention

[Mychka]

Help, Im not sure how to handle this. My god daughter is nearly 3. When with her parents, if she wants attention, she poos (on demand) and then wipes it all over her hands, herself and her home. I never thought she would do it around me but she did, and what I found so upsetting was that she had no remorse or empathy at all that it upset anyone which is a bit freaky. Usually when she does this at home her dad freaks out, her mum gets very loving and gentle with her, and her mum and dad fight with each other. This may be setting her up to repeat the behaviour but I want a good way to nip it in the bud around me, as well as not to get freaked out by her lack of empathy, she's only a kiddo!! If you can help or know who I can talk to Id be really grateful. Thank you!

Firstly I'd stop worrying about the lack of empathy - it's not really a thing small children have!

Second, if she does it around you, make her clean it up. Obviously supervise, but I'd say go for minimal fuss, hand her a cloth, get her to clean it and then move on from the whole thing. Do this every single time. Frame it as "oops, you've had an accident, you need to clean it up"

Thirdly, how is she managing this? Is she pooing in her knickers and reaching in? If so, if you're looking after her solo, I'd put her in a nappy and make sure it's tight (we put a strip of duct tape over the waist of DN's (not on the skin obvi) to stop him taking it off at night) so that she can't get at the poo.

I agree that the behaviour is probably stemming from the parents, but tbh i can't think of a good way for you to tell them that this is their fault, especially if your friend has a OH who is aggressive and shouty. It's worth bearing in mind that toileting issues are often a sign of severe stress in a child - it could be that your GD and her mum are subject to a lot of nasty behaviour at home. Gentle, consistent support is your best bet.

It could be a sensory thing, not necessarily attention seeking it's not an uncommon behaviour for little kids.
Personally I would clean her up without getting riled up, and move on. If it's attention seeking, then removing the attention will fix the issue.
As for the lack of empathy, they don't have empathy at their age and getting mad at her/getting visibly upset with her will only confuse and possibly even upset her and will wind you up more! Mum and dad are not going to be helping giving her mixed messages, remember she is only very little!