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Right, if your 4 yr ld ds behaved like this on the way home, what would you do ??

20 replies

nutcracker · 21/09/2007 16:08

His general behaviour is not good at the mo, at home anyway, and he generally talks to me like crap.

As soon as he set foot out of school tody he said 'come on then hurry up' quite aggresivly.

Then everytime I spoke to him he told me to shut up.

About half way home he was hitting dd1's friend and so I told him to stop or else he'd have to hold my hand. He carried on, infact did it even more, and so I held his hand the rest of the way home with him calling me stupid and telling me to shut up.

On sunday we are going to my dad/brothers and ds normally goes on my brothers xbox, so have told him he can't and have rung my brother to tell him this. All the while I am on phone ds is shouting and screaming at me at the top of his voice. I have now sent him to his room and told him not to come out until I say.

I am at a loss of what to do with him, nothing seems to work. He speaks to me and other people like they are rubbish in the street, and doesn't listen to a word I say.

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nutcracker · 21/09/2007 16:09

Oh tv for today is banned too.

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PanicPants · 21/09/2007 16:25

Think what you are doing so far is right. Not much more help I'm afraid as ds is only 2 and I've got it all to come yet!

nutcracker · 21/09/2007 16:27

Thanks

It seems to have little effect though.

He has just came downstairs and apologised, but then 2 seconds later called me stupid because I told him no tv.

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InMyHumbleOpinion · 21/09/2007 16:27

tired. Tired tired tired. one of ds1's peers fell asleep in the classroom yesterday.

You are doing the right thing, but try to make sure he is iin bed for 7, I reckon you will have a better boy tomorrow.

paolosgirl · 21/09/2007 16:34

You've done the right thing taking away his xbox and tv. What about drawing up 'house rules' with him, and a list of consequences, again with him. That way, he knows exactly what happens when he does x, y or z. Star charts are also a good way of rewarding a day when there are no consequences, with a treat for so many stars.

I'm not sure if it's an age thing, but my 2 def. got worse round about that age. DS has always been a bit of a nightmare - everything is 'rubbish' at times, and that includes me (which as you can imagine causes me no end of sleepless nights ).

nutcracker · 21/09/2007 16:34

If he is still up at 7 it will be a miracle tbh.

7 is his bedtime anyway and although he probably is tired, I don't think it is just that, he is always like this now.

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RubberDuck · 21/09/2007 16:37

I think there's 2 factors here.

  1. boys this age get a sudden surge of testosterone which makes them mini teenager stroppy brats (not called the f-ing fours for nothing).

  2. they do get really tired that first year in school and their behaviour really deteriorates OUT of school as a result Plus they're picking up whole new examples of bad attitude from their peers and YOU get to be the one they try out their new knowledge on

Things settled down for us after the February half term behaviour-wise, but I think you're doing the right thing by not letting him get away with it.

You will get your sweet little boy back, I promise.

nutcracker · 21/09/2007 16:42

I do have some star charts and stickers somewhere, will dig them out.

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nutcracker · 21/09/2007 16:43

I hope so RD, he can be so lovely when he is in the right mood.

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law3 · 21/09/2007 17:33

hi nc, I would agree they do get very tired, my 3.6 year old has just started nursery and turned from 'angel' to 'devil' overnight, but he does improve when i stick to a early bedtime.

I would disclipline him asap after he has committed the 'crime', by Sunday he would have forgotten all about it.

How about i dont like it when you speak like that, if you speak like that again, you will have to take time out as soon as we get home. If he carrys on then do it.

giraffeski · 21/09/2007 17:37

Message withdrawn

scattyspice · 21/09/2007 19:53

My DS too (also 4). Really trying it on with me esp.

Try to get DH back up.

whoops · 21/09/2007 20:03

My ds who is 6 has been like this for a while and dd has started copying him
It came to a head a couple of weeks ago and I told them I was going to leave them if they carried on, they did so I told them I was going (dh was home by this point)
I drove off and 2 mins later had a message on my mobile saying they were sorry and they wanted me to go home.
I went home (partly because I had left my purse at home!) and they were pleased to see me we had hugs and to be honest their behaviour has got better since (possibly as I tell them I'll go again!)

Fizzylemonade · 21/09/2007 20:50

Nutcracker - have you kidnapped my son?

My ds1 is 4 and just done his first week of full days at school and has been evil. He was bouncing on my bed (which he is not allowed to do) and I told him to get off the bed to which he replied "you get off the bed stupid" needless to say he was made to stand on the landing with the door closed to until he had calmed down. Within a few minutes he apologises and it is genuine. Doesn't stop him being rude again within 10 minutes.

He is over-tired and also he says that he gets angry and he doesn't know why, maybe that is the testosterone too.

What you are doing sounds good, hopefully he will get better once the routine of school kicks in and when they get used to the tiredness (fingers crossed too for my once polite, funny, intelligent boy who is now a neanderthal)

notsofarnow · 21/09/2007 21:07

yep this is my ds too he is 3.6 and has just started full time nursery in morning then they stay for playgroup. Everything is stupid or 'i'm going to smash you' I'm fed up of telling him he can't put the dogs basket over him to hide him, he can't sit on the dog, has to eat breakfast etc etc.

Just feel its a viscious circle - he's tired, he's copying teenage sisters. Nightmare

chankins · 21/09/2007 21:12

Alot is probably picked up from school - my dd has developed a bit of a cheeky attitude since starting! But nothing too bad so far. Just ignore, ignore, ignore, let him, know you won't listen to someone who is rude and unpleasant to you. Stick to the threat of no xbox etc - he'll know you mean business every time you threaten this. Hopefully it will settle down.

meemar · 21/09/2007 21:33

Hi nutcracker - withdrawal of privileges is great idea, but are you also giving a more immediate punishment so that he can see the connection between his behaviour and the consequences?

2 days is quite a long time to a 4 year old, and if he keeps on behaving badly and you keep on threatening 'no xbox on Sunday' he may see it as an empty threat because nothing is happing to him now

Do you do anything like time out or naughty step? My DS1 (also 4) responds quite well to this and you can see the behaviour improve more rapidly when the discipline is immediate.

We also do rewards to reinforce the good behaviour.

Hope this is helpful, good luck

Cathy10 · 21/09/2007 22:17

hi there nothing to do with testosterone. My DD has just started school (2 weeks into full time) and she is normally the most sweetest natured kind loving giving person you'd hope to meet. Loves her wee sister and is very possessive of her. except she called her wee sister stupid yesterday. I told her that she shouldn't call anyone stupid and she said why not a boy in her class called HER stupid. Everything is stupid at the moment. And I found myself arguing with her as she was telling ME that I should apologise to HER for the way I'd spoken to her !! They are EXHAUSTED and don't deserve to be punished. They are P1 and work hard they deserve to be exhausted and think what you yourself are like when you are past it. They can't control themselves and hear lots of things at school from lots of different types of people. She also told her sister "to stop it as she (the big sister) would be dead in 2 mins)." EEEHHH??? they don't know what they are saying and its a lot to do with peer pressure. They want to be the same and are too immature to know that some things are not to be said even if someone else says these things. Ignore. Comfort. Reassure. Don't punish, they have a tough enough time answering questions all day long and coping with a strict teacher without you laying it on them too.

mimsum · 24/09/2007 16:13

tbh I don't think he'll be able to make any connection between no xbox on sunday and bad behaviour on friday - 2.5 days for a 4 year old is like an eternity ...

at this age consequences need to be immediate and follow on naturally from the behaviour

Elibean · 24/09/2007 17:16

Totally agree with Cathy10. Mine's still at pre-school, but I've seen sooo many LOs go through behaviour hell in the first term of Reception. They're overwhelmed, trying to fit in, exhausted, and often away from the security of parent/home for longer than ever before - its a lot to deal with. Most European countries don't send kids to school under the age of 6, I'm told.

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