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Very stressed out 6 year old dd, please help (its long, sorry)

10 replies

gingerone · 20/09/2007 21:53

I have a great dd aged 6, nearly 7. We also have a ds, aged nearly 5. They have always been really happy, but recently dd has started to get quite stressed about life and now I am getting quite worried.

Initially she started breathing funny, breathing in quite hard through her mouth, holding her breath for a couple of seconds and pushing it out through her nose. This got worse and we began to think she might have asthma or something similar. We took her to the docs, who immediately gave her an inhaler. We tried it once, it gave her a rash, we tried it again, it gave her a rash, so we gave up. Back to the docs for a different inhaler, same thing, so we stopped using it. So now she is breathing funny quite a lot and I just try to control it by showing her how to breath easily.

On top of this she complains LOADS about tummy aches, she is rarely sick but just complains and is clearly very uncomfortable (tonight for example, she left half a Krispy Kreme doughnut, that is VERY VERY sick in my eyes).

She has got really stressed about dying and has asked us not to listen to the radio in the car or watch the news. We have had quite a few conversations about dying when she has started them, but never really scary or anything. She has cried a couple of times about dying "I don't want to die" and then she has calmed quite quickly.

So tonight, she went to bed and just burst into tears "I don't know why I am crying, but I just feel sad", I just cuddled her and talked to her, calmed her down and waited for her to go to sleep.

She is such a little shrimp and clearly has a lot going on in her head. What can I do? I am unsure about going back to the GP, don't want to end up in complicated kids counselling, I just want her to be happy.....

Please help me!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mylastrolo · 20/09/2007 22:17

awwwwwwww poor wee pet. HAs she watched something scary on tv that has frightened here. she sounds very switched on and clever. I think you are doing right thing to comfort her. If you are worried health wise bring her back to GP but if nothing abnormal detected then tlc cuddles in bed and lots of extra love. one to one time.

The thought box is a good idea from supernanny put any bad thoughts in or things she wants to discuss. Good luck.

nooka · 20/09/2007 22:25

What you are describing might well be stress symptoms, but they could have a physical cause, so it may be worth following up with the doctor just in case. Otherwise I think that you just have to give her lots of gentle opportunities to talk about her feelings. Children sometimes get very funny ideas into their heads, and can find it difficult to talk about them. ds recently got very very worried about natural disasters, having visited the geology part of the natural history museum. He complained about bad dreams, and needed lots and lots of reassurance that we didn't live near any hills and our front door was strong (mud slides) and that volcanos and earthquakes don't happen in the UK. It seemed a strange anxiety, because he had visited the same exibits at the museum with school only a couple of months ago, and has always been very interested in natural disasters. I wondered slightly if it was displaced worry because we have been talking about moving to Canada (had to discuss how close that was to faults/volcanos etc too). So have a think if there is something completely unrelated that she might be worried about, but doesn't want to talk about, and see what reassurance you can provide. Hopefully she will soon be back to her usual self (ds has gotten over his worries I'm glad to say)

dolally · 20/09/2007 22:37

Ginger -I remember dd3 going through a phase of crying and saying she didn't want to die and she didn't want me to die. Your post just reminded me of it...I'd forgotten all about it! She must have been about 6 or 7. She was so distressed that it was difficult to know quite what was the right thing to say. She got over it quite quickly. Mine didn't do the breathing but it could be just a part of it.

I guess there are just various stages where the enormity of life hits them...perhaps your dd has overheard a conversation, seen something on tv...

Keep reassuring her. I'm sure it will pass

ingles2 · 21/09/2007 13:05

ds2 who's 6, get's very worried about death and things like that....he has night terrors occasionally and can't stand the thought of losing things. ( Ds1 7 had a message in a bottle....threw it into the sea, dh had to wade back in to retrieve it as ds1 sooo upset!!!!!!)
Anyway,...he frequently complains of tummy ache. Dr says he's bright but sensitive...and ta just a physical manifestation. Dr also says typical of his age and will diminish as he gets older. We just reassure him a lot and he has a special cuddly he talks to when he gets worried!

jeangenie · 21/09/2007 13:15

I have a stressed 5 yo (who DID want to die, but that's another story) and I cannot recommend enough the power of a good old back massage just before tucking in time - I've noticed real improvements since I started doing this (it was actually my sister who recommended it to me, she did it for DD one night when we were visiting)- you could use some generic base oil with some drops of lavender/mandarin oil, though at the moment I am using this as we had some lying around and it rubs in very well, lovely, deeply relaxing smell. The massage is nice as it makes you feel like you are doing soemthing tangible to help, iykwim and my DD just loves it

nooka · 21/09/2007 19:57

We use essential oils on a hotty botty, which again helps with the relaxation.

gingerone · 21/09/2007 21:03

Sorry it has taken me long to get back on here, damn broadband....

What oils can I use on her?

Tomorrow we are are having special mummy and her time, so we will enjoy ourselves and hopefully she might talk a bit more.

Tonight, she has got up from bed with a bad rash all over her tummy and down her sides. We had chinese, so maybe it is a reaction to that. It all seems like some weirdo set of allergies maybe, where she cannot cope in her body with stuff and it all overspills.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 21/09/2007 21:11

I have a very sensitive dd,too. I find that Jan de Vries Child Essence drops work really well. They are a combination of flower remedies and you put a few drops in a little water. You can get them from chemists or health shops. Hope this helps.

gingerone · 21/09/2007 21:19

Great, will see if I can get some in town tomorrow.

I asked dh today if it is down to me being too hard on her, he says it is nothing to do with me, that I am a great mum, but i feel so responsible. I just want her to be happy.

OP posts:
nooka · 21/09/2007 21:44

I usually use some lavender and a couple of drops of chamomile, dd also like rose, but just because it smells nice (expensive though). I add olibanum (frankincense)when they are coldy.

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