Upset sibling!

[AK1107]

hi everyone,

My DD1 is 2yrs 4mths and every time her new sister cries she gets upset and starts crying herself. If DD2 continues to cry then my toddler's crying escalates and she starts wanting me to cuddle her. This often results in a complete breakdown\tantrum. She is even now getting upset if she thinks her sister is going to start crying and she says "don't cry" over and over again.

I am finding it very hard as it often results in me trying to comfort them both at the same time or just seperating them and letting DD2 cry in a different room whilst I try and calm DD1. I don't know if this a bit of sibling rivalry (don't think so as often DD1 asks me to cuddle DD2 to stop her from crying) or if it's part of the terrible twos or if she simply hates the crying.

Has anyone come across this and do you have any suggestions on how I can try and help my daughter cope with the crying?

Thx

I've known children who've hated hearing their siblings crying. I've read that leaving the baby to cry while you comfort the older one sends the wrong messages about how to care for a baby/anyone you love. Have you tried grabbing the toddler the minute the baby starts crying and saying 'oh no! The baby's crying. What shall we do to help her stop? Shall we go and pick her up and sing to her?' for example - get the older one involved as much as possible.

I had the same problem with DS1 who was 2yrs 4mths when DS2 was born. I just sat him down and explained to him that DS2 wasnt unhappy, it was just that he was too little to talk and that crying was his way of telling us he wanted something. Then when he cried we had a little chat about what it was he wanted (does he want some food or some sleep or a cuddle?). It worked well for me, if you havent already tried it hope with works for you too.

I had exactly this problem: DS1 was 27 months when DS2 was born. Every time the baby cried, total meltdown from DS1 including biting himself. Difficult as it was, I did the hugging both of them thing (and trying to avoid squashing the baby), then when DS1 was calm, tried to explain baby wasn't really upset etc. This was complicated by the fact that DS1 wasn't very verbal. For the first few weeks of DS2's life, I honestly thought my situation was pretty much intolerable.

DS2 is now four and a half months old. DS1 now hardly ever cries when the baby does (who fortunately is an easy baby). We had a wobble when DS2 found his voice, but we taught DS1 about 'happy noise'. We also taught him a funny way of saying 'grum-ble' (which we do with him) for little whingy cries, and this seems to give him some control. Unfortunately, he now gets very, very upset at any other child crying, as though he has transferred the anxiety from being about the baby onto the other (more manageable?) children. I am slowly tackling that one. But home is now pretty much a breeze. DS1 has even, tentatively, started to enjoy making DS2 laugh. And he has bitten him a couple of times, which - while deplorable - is at least more 'normal'.

Time. That's the key. And trying not to sound impatient (though you will feel end-of-your-tetherish inside). Normalize it for him. It will get better, and in quite a short time IME.

Sorry, long, but it's always nice to know others have been there, isn't it?

Thanks for all the replies.

I think I will just have to be patient and wait for DD1 to grow out of it even though DD2 is now 4 mnths old. I've tried explaining to her why DD2 is crying and getting her involved in helping to settle her sister but nothing seems to work. I have also found out at her nursery today that she is the same around the toddlers there if they start crying. So in some ways it's made me feel a bit better that it's not just her sister that upsets her!