So a bit of background:
My beautiful, very intelligent 7 year old has always been needy. She was very much a velcro baby - wouldn't sleep unless attached to me and still creeps into my room in the middle of the night to squidge up next to me.
I'm a single mum working full time (on furlough currently due to no school) - we visit my parents 2-3 times a year in school holidays..they never visit us. Her dad visits most weekends but the visits aren't great - he has times when he doesn't turn up, or says he will be here in the morning but rocks up mid afteenoon. Then spends most of his time on his phone (sometimes not even in the same room as her) or falling asleep on my sofa for various reasons.
Her relationship with her dad isn't great. They spend most of the time arguing, with him not knowing how to talk to her or discipline her & then I have to step in. His flat isn't child friendly so he has her at mine..if I try to leave them both alone to go shopping etc all he gets is "i want mum. When's mum coming home"
I do want to stress that their relationship is his own doing..he didn't do a lot in the way of interacting with her as a baby - wouldn't put her to sleep, only did nappies if i made him, not a lot of playing etc & as she's got older she's got more & more resentful towards him & his childish behaviours.
Now. Me and my daughter are very close. We have a wonderful bond and I love her more than anything. I tell her every single day that I love her & she often randomly tells me she loves me. We have loads of cuddles..spend all my spare time doing various things together from days out, snuggling, reading, playing, going on adventures..
She is a quiet, sensitive girl & gets on well at school.
But she has these tantrums. Usually brought on by being tired, but not always. They vary in intensity depending on the reason & situation going on but there are 2 main issues I'm starting to struggle with. It starts when she doesn't get her own way or something goes wrong (not EVERY time, mind..)
The latest example is today. She's tired because she woke up at 5am. It's a little after dinner & i'm doing some gardening. She's randomly got the hump with me because "i don't love her" ..this is becoming a regular thing so I don't pander to it. We have a conversation where I explain that I will always love her..that i tell her every day & i told her just today that I love her. The conversation ends & she has settled down. I then ask her to tidy something away as we come in from the garden & that's it - she's on the sofa, squealing so i can barely understand her & kicking her legs. I tell her she's not a 3 year old..she refuses to go to her room to calm down so I tell her that I will leave instead & she can find me when she's ready to calm down and talk properly.
So. She then spends the next 20-30mins first sat downstairs moaning "i want mummy"..then goes to her room saying the same thing and adds that I'm not her real mum (clearly after attention, i know). Then she makes her way in to me saying i'm nit her real mum..i'm a mean lady & she wants her mum back. I ignore the whole episode. Eventually she stops, says she wants a cuddle & i ask if she's finished..she says yes & it's over.
With all this lockdown & it being just me & her she is becoming more and more "the world revolves around me" (she is usually very caring and considerate of others) so we have a star chart up with 1 star given for doing something/thinking of someone else. And I know she is worse because she is struggling with the whole situation. But this was an issue beforehand too.
Is it normal for her to still be sat kicking & screaming? She recently seems to have stopped a 'hitting' habit - more of a tap - when me or her dad upsets her. That was dealt with by me asking if she hits at school - have I ever hit her when she's made me upset - does she think it's acceptable. And if it happens again she is sent to her room to calm down.
Why is she so angry? Sad? Feeling unloved? We have boundaries. We have discipline. We have loads of love. I suffer from depression & although I am extremely careful to ensure she never experiences my relapses, there are a few mental health issues in my family & I really do worry that she has inherited something from me.
Maybe I'm just worrying over nothing. In general she really is the happiest loving caring child. But when she's suddenly screaming and storming off or wailing and kicking like a baby..telling me i never loved her & she doesn't know why I had her. Is it something I've done?