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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Won't call me mummy

24 replies

Wicksy · 19/09/2007 16:42

My 4.5yo dd calls me by my first name, not mummy. She's been doing this for at least a month now and is really consistent (doesn't even say mummy when hurt/upset). Any ideas why? And why am I so upset?

Daddy is still daddy (and she's a real daddy's girl).

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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hanaflower · 19/09/2007 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Wicksy · 19/09/2007 16:44

Hanaflower, he does. He's as mystified as me.

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bubblagirl · 19/09/2007 16:48

there's another thread on here where there dd wont call daddy by daddy but his real name lol

it would appear its a phase they all tend to go through if i call my partner my son will then call his daddys real name lol but luckily at moment doesnt say it when calling him himself but i do call my dp daddy and he will call me mummy althogh dont like to do it all the time as we are still adults other than just mummy and daddy lol

get your dh to say ask mummy when she calls you by yopur real name get him to say now youknow that you call her mummy ask mummy again and hopefully she'll say it anything is worth a try

but i will say it doesn't mean she thinks any less of you than her daddy its just a name she hears and addresses you to it also dh could just keep asking her to ask you properly and maybe she'll get used to saying mummy again

mm22bys · 19/09/2007 17:18

I could have posted this thread!

My DS (3.4) calls us by our first names. We've tried to ignore it (hoping he'll revert) and we've tried asking. Sometimes he will call his daddy daddy, but I am always >.

Recently he's been obsessed with the Yankee Doodle Dandy song, so we've been calling him "little doodle", but he just responds by saying "I'm to you".

I'd love for him to call me mummy!

worriermum · 19/09/2007 17:42

When ds did this I talked to him about it, saying "loads and loads of people call me [first name] but you are the only person in the world who can call me 'mummy' so it's very special." It helped but from time to time I'm still [first name]. I don't want a major battle of wills over this one so I remonstrate mildly - "not [first name] but mummy", or "remember - it's Mummy" and he goes back to 'mum' for a while.

HonoriaGlossop · 19/09/2007 18:31

Wicksy, why ARE you so upset? I really cannot for the life of me understand why this bothers people. Why?

HonoriaGlossop · 19/09/2007 18:32

i think it's a shame to even correct them. Why? they know you're their mum.

Othersideofthechannel · 19/09/2007 18:46

DS went through this stage at the same age. It didn't bother me. I didn't say anything. It was quite weird when his little sis aged 2 starting copying him.

It only lasted a couple of months although he does it occasionally still, particularly when talking about me to others.

Original poster

Wicksy · 19/09/2007 22:02

Worriermum - thanks for your support and ideas. I tried the 'you're the only one who can call me mummy' approach tonight at bedtime and she seemed to respond to that.

Otherside - I don't worry when it's with other adults - after all it is my name. I suppose I still want that special relationship of being a mummy.

mm2bys - lets hope it's just a phase!

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HonoriaGlossop · 19/09/2007 22:50

but you HAVE that relationship! They know it, you know it, how does it make one atom of difference if they call you by what is, after all, your own name?!

tutu100 · 19/09/2007 22:58

I think I can understand why you feel upset. My ds calls me Mummy, but he calls my mum, (his gran)- mum! I know that must be because he's heard me call her that, but I do feel upset like he thinks he has two mums.

On the funny side it has meant we've got a few funny looks when we've been out and he's done it as my Mum is well in her 50's!

I'm sure she will stop doing it soon. It's a novelty for her, maybe it makes her feel more grown up when she calls you by your name.

clutteredup · 19/09/2007 23:04

My DS started doing this for a while, it was around the time he noticed that other people also called their mummies mummy and in order to avoid confusion would refer to me as 'first name'mummy and other mummies as 'sarah'mummy or 'lynne'mummy etc. I didn't like it but ignored it and he moved on. he sometimes calls DH by his first name if I've called his name, had no response so DS has joined in to assist. DH doesn't like it at all......now he knows how I felt...

edam · 19/09/2007 23:07

I used worrier's trick. Explained to ds that anyone can call me but he's the only person in the whole world who can call me Mummy. Works most of the time - he still comes out with occasionally but I just have to raise an eyebrow and he grins and corrects himself.

Honoria, it's upsetting precisely because everyone from the gas man to telesales people to the doctor uses my first name. 'Mummy' is extra special. And having bloody carried him for nine months, given birth to him and looked after him for four years I have earnt the right to be called whatever I please!

Original poster

Wicksy · 19/09/2007 23:13

Tutu -thanks. At least she doesn't call me gran (no disrespect to all grans but I am old enough!) Yes, I think she might be doing it to feel grown up.

Honoria - why so antagonistic? I'm sure Tarquin (or whatever) has always been happy to call you whatever you want.

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HonoriaGlossop · 19/09/2007 23:15

ok ok I am getting the idea

I love to hear my ds' little voice saying my name though. Even if he was calling me Horace he would still be my special person and I would be his and I would still have carried him, looked after him etc etc etc.

But ok, I am realising how important it is to some of you

HonoriaGlossop · 19/09/2007 23:17

sorry, didn't mean to be antagonistic, I just GENUINELY cannot get my head around it, REALLY!

(and BTW i don't have a Tarquin, how 'new money' that sounds. Fotheringay Glossop is my ds and yes, he calls me what he likes, always has a polite "What ho, Honoria" for me when the nanny brings him to me all washed at bedtime)

ProjectIcarusinhercar · 19/09/2007 23:18

My dd1 (aged 3) does it sometimes, No idea why. I prefer Mummy tbh. Still DD1 is a bit mad at the best of times. Last Friday she greeted her Daddy at the front door with

" Ah ***(DH first name) I have just been speaking with your Mum and Dad"

Cue bemused Dh and MIl and FIL rolling about with laughter in the living room.

HonoriaGlossop · 19/09/2007 23:23

icarus that's great Kids are so logical - she knows it his name, and she knows they are his mum and dad, so why not, in her mind?

As I say I am realising how some people really don't like it but I think it's a shame to correct it if it makes the child feel belittled; my ds ran up to his grandmother on her birthday, SO excited and bursting to wish her a happy birthday, he happened to call her by her actual name, she looked shocked and said "OH you CHEEKY monkey!" which of course made ds feel like a piece of poo, I'm sure. He was being so genuine, I wish she could have done the same to him!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 19/09/2007 23:26

DS went through such a phase with DH, calling him Richard. DH said it made him feel like he was mummy's latest boyfriend.

Original poster

Wicksy · 19/09/2007 23:26

Edam - quite right, that's her name after all! If I really felt she was confused I wouldn't have started this thread.

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Original poster

Wicksy · 19/09/2007 23:35

Honoria, sorry, I was being a cheeky monkey too, but yes it is important to me, however daft it sounds.

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hansnava · 20/09/2007 09:51

hi
i also have a thread on here about my dd calling partner by his first name instead of daddy. shes 2.5 i know thats young and shouldnt really worry about it but she can say daddy it was her first word, then about 6-7 months ago she started calling him lee.
he sometimes get upset about it but at the same time amused by it.
what i couldnt understand is the amount of negative replys i got for asking for a bit of advice lol. a bit like u i got people asking y he was so bothered and what the fuss was about i also had someone saying my dd was not a performing monkey and a speach therapist saying it was damaging behaviour to try and get her to say it, when i always thought u was meant to try and encourage your childrens speach.
why cant some people understand y its important for perants to be called mummy and daddy.

edam u hit the nail on the head.

HonoriaGlossop · 20/09/2007 10:00

oh dear Hans. Do you think the speech therapist meant 'damaging' as in, if you were sitting her down and pressuring her to say 'Daddy', as it might make speech an issue of anxiety for her?

I can't see any other way that this 'daddy' thing could be actually damaging; that must have been what she meant, I guess?

I'm guessing that wasn't what you would do, anyway. Can't imagine many parents would do it in that pressuring way.

hansnava · 20/09/2007 10:06

she likes going through everyones names which is good in itself that she knows them all. so we do that, same as when reading first word books like saying "oh look a ball. can u say ball?". i dont sit there forcing her saying "say dad say dad".

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