5 year old boy- possibly bereavement related behaviour issues.

[vwvic]

Hi, hope that someone here will be able to help my friend. Her MIL died at Easter from cancer. She had had an operation to help with this, but from what I can gather there was never much chance of a cure.

The problem is her 5yo DS, who has become very reluctant to go into school. He often starts crying and clinging on to my friend. He also does not want to do activities that he admits he enjoys. These things were not a problem at all before the death of his grandmother. He will not talk at all about his GM, and gets very upset if pressed about it, which obviously my friend does not do. At the time of her death, my friend and her DH thought that their ds was dealing with it really well, so much so that it's only in the last few days they are seeing it as a possible explanation for his behaviour.

Is it possible that this is the reason? Nothing else has changed in this boy's life, and my friend is just about the best mum you could wish to have. If so, can anyone recommend any books, resources, things that worked for them? Sorry this is so long, but I really want to help my friend, and I have no direct experience. I'm fearful she's at breaking point, and can't take much more.

Thanks in advance.

I once read about a "memory box" for children who are bereaved.
you help them o fill it with photos and things that remind them of the person.
They can write a letter or draw a picture for the person who has died and then put it into the memory box.

supposed to help allot, it was used with kids who had lost a parent.

cant remember where i read it, some one will know, im sure.

Is this his first year at school? If so it may just be that.

There are some good books for children dealing with bereavment. i'll see if i can find some links. dissle's idea sounds good.

Hi
yes it could be - my daughter lost a friend just before the end of the summer hols and although she seemed to cope really well initially it is affecting her in odd ways. Her behaviour is fine but it has obviously unnerved her as she is asking lots of questions and questioning things like "do little girls die too?". Tough.
The only other thing I would say is that I have at least three friends whose kids are completely thrown by the return to school - as if they got through the first year but thought they were done IYSWIM.
Don't know if this is any help. I am just answering the questions, keeping to a tight routine ( for 'comfort' reasons) and giving lots of love and time - as best I can with two others.

Good idea. I know her ds has photo's of his GM, but I don't know about the memory box. I'm not sure if he will even look at the photo's, tbh

here's some

Ha, lots of responses- I need to keep up!

It's his second year of school- he's now a year 1. At first, my friend and the teacher thought it was just about returning to school. But, thinking about it more, he was exactly the same in the last term of reception, particularly as it got closer to summer.

It is tough...

This book is good too

Ah dustystar- thank you. I'll forward them on to her. Hopefully they'll help, or at least give her some ideas. I'm also going to send her a link to this thread- it might even prompt her to join mn!

What about he and his mum write GM a letter and he draws her a picture - allowing him to say good bye and say how much he loves and misses GM and tie it to a balloon and let it float off to. My Dad died when DS was 2.5, young I know but he is a bright button and although didn't understand the implication of death - he understood he would never see him again. So we did this and it helped. My Dad was cremated but we have a stone and his ashes are buried there so similar to a grave. We call it Grandad's garden and my DS always comes with me to put flowers on Grandads garden. And we talk to Grandad there to. It helps us - it may not work for your frined but anything is worth a try to help this little lad deal with his grief.
I wish them all the best.