This not eating lark is driving me to distraction and somehow I end up feeling guilty!

[AbRoller]

DD is 7yo. This is her third year in school and she has never eaten a sandwich. Her lunchbox comes home full most days and it's really getting me down.

She has only ever eaten dry food, ricecakes, crackers etc, she won't eat dairy, no milk, no cheese, no yoghurts, has a rare orange but not much other fruit. This term I told her that she was going to have to start eating other foods. I can deal with the dry food, it's not what I'd like but I don't mind if she doesn't want sandwiches I just want her to eat what I give her.

Every week it's the same battle in the supermarket. She tells me "oh I love apples because Megan eats them and I never get them" so I get apples only to find them in her lunchbox when she comes home. It's the same with several other foods. I think "great she's finally wanting to eat something that's good for her" then she hasn't bloody eaten it.

I was told a long time ago not to worry about what she ate that she wouldn't starve and that she, like us all, has a natural insticnt to eat for survival so I need not worry about her going hungry but I can't deal with this much longer. It was suggested I send her to school with no lunch but I can't bring myself to do that. I think it would be cruel her having to explain why she had no lunch.

We did a big shop yesterday and I allowed her to pick out what she wanted for lunch. I warned her if she didn't eat it she would spend the rest of the day in her room.

She arrived home with half the lunch still in the box so I sent her to her room and she's crying now. I think I was too harsh. Didn't shout or anything just explained that I had given her a warning and that because she had not done what she promised to do she would have to go to her room.

I feel like the most evil mammy in the world but I'm stuck now. I can't back down or she will never eat and will never understand the consequences of her actions but she's only seven and she's not starving so can it really be that big of a deal if she doesn't eat lunch?

Please tell me I'm not the only one with dc who won't eat.
TIA

You aren't the only one, however, I personally feel this situation has probably resulted from too many choices early in her life. How did it all start? Have you let her choose food from an early age, or has it developed from toddlerhood i.e. did she eat anything when she was weaned? How did you wean, jars or family food. Very interested as have cured both my minded children of poor eating habits and have improved my mindees brothers habits by the advice I gave his mother.

I suppose I did give her a lot of choice. Weaned with what the rest of the family were eating. She used to be great, ate lots of veggies and fruit but there was one time she was really ill in hospital and she threw up a yoghurt I had just given her. She hasn't eaten one, or any dairy since.

I could be wrong but isn't calcium very important for a growing child. I can't get any into her and I worry about bonegrowth.

Abroller yes dairy is very important to develop good bone density. Lack of calcium and calcium absorpsion can lead to osteoperosis in later life. I CM and have had many discussions about this. I take a hardline and its eat what I give you or don't eat. No fuss. My mindee is 4 and mum and dad say she doesn't eat x y z. I say, I will give her x y and z for lunch tomorrow. She now never questions her food and just gets told to get on with it because there will be nothing else if she doesn't eat it. No giving choice. My other mindee ate no fruit or veg but after 6 mths with me eats blackberries, blueberries, melon and all other fruit. She also eats tomatoes and all veg.

Maybe you could send her to a strict childminder in the summer holidays

lol sounds like a plan alright

I probably fuss alot because I'm afraid she's not getting enough so I give in to all sorts just so she will eat. She's a very determinded little lady, god help me when she reaches her teens

Lots of sympathy from a Mum of a very fussy eater...

But if she's not underweight, not very tired all the time and managing OK at school then somehow she's getting enough to eat and you must try not to worry (easier said, I know).

Try going back to the basics of no fuss at all, whatever she eats/doesn't eat. Don't comment on it, just continue to put things in her lunchbox you think she'll eat and don't say a word about it even if it all comes back.

Does she eat well at breakfast time? Ds1 eats 2 - 3 bowls of cereal and then very little sometimes for the rest of the day - he stocks up in the morning and it seems to be enough (although he's getting better and the improvements came when we took all the pressure off and ignored what he did/didn't eat).

it probably doesn't help or work, but we give both ds's a multi-vitamin each morning so at least we know they've got something in them that's good...

Bribery might be good at her age - works with ds1. So if she eats well at tea she'll get 10p/a star and xxx stars = a magazine or whatever. If she doesn't eat well, then no fuss at all - don't mention it, don't shout, don't look disappointed. Let her leave the table whenever she wants - no pressure at all.

Good luck - ds1 now eats meat pies and lamb chops and potatoes - none of which he'd go anywhere near until last year. He's also a non-dairy person (although he has milk with his cereal), so no drinks of milk or yoghurts since he was less than a year old...

They put you through it don't they?!

I agree with dottydot just put food out and remove when not eaten but tell her she can't have anything else until next meal. Follow it through always and don't give in. I agree if you tell her this before a meal then just remove uneaten food with no emotions. She will soon realise when she can't have anything else that eating meals is the only option. I would also only put the sandwiches in her lunch box if school provide friut. That way she will be hungry and more likely to eat them, until you see improvement.

Reward schemes are good, stickers etc. Also make it clear she doesn't have to eat everything, but must try everything on her plate.

Yes, we have a clear rule now (has taken a while to work but is brilliant) - absolutely no moaning about food. If they don't want it, they don't have to eat it, but they don't get anything else. Full stop. They can leave the table whenever they want but that's it. Works really well now - is very simple and stops all the moaning.

My 4yo mindees mum said she doesn't like bread so the first week we had lots of sandwiches. Now when she gets home its usually the snacks left and she has never left her sandwiches!

see I go a step further, since lots of children don't eat because they are too 'busy', all mine have to wait until everyone has finished as it teaches them good manners. Also they realise that by not eating they don't get to play any quicker.

i was like your dd when i was younger .it was something i was good at and something that gave me 'something different' to my sisters.my parents tried forcefeeding,making me sit in front of cold dinner for hours,sending me to my room,shouting etc and i ended up in hospital for tests they were that worried.it made me do it more and i have bad eating habits even now which i think is because it was made a big deal of.rewarding eating would have helped alot or even completly ignoring!my 7 year old dd tries it but gets fed up as i dont say much more than if your dinners not eaten theres nothing else.

Morning Dotty, Tori and Moljam. Just seeing these messages this morning. Thank you.

I had a chat with dd this morning and we agreed a star chart would be a good idea(we did this before re behavior but I let it slide )

She's not too great with breakfast either, dry cereal, dry toast but she had an orange today. Whilst we were chatting I also found out she did eat her yoghurt yesterday, it was one with a crunch corner but she swears she mixed it and ate the lot so have to believe her.

I'm definately going to take the advice here from many of your posts. Less fuss with not eating and more praise or stars when she does and hopefully we'll see a change.

Once again, thank you for all the comments and help.

Abs

for a extra special starchart next do lovely magnetic ones.my dc had lots of lovely ones i made(see there was a reason i went to art college!)but prefered these!there £10 each but really lovely and can be reused.goodluck!