DS is 2 and driving me insane with tantrums - need help

[Ants]

I'm finding it really difficult to handle DS's temper tantrums, especially since he started hitting me just recently. I'm trying to be as considerate and patient as possible, and let him experiment with things as long as it is safe to do so. But when he wants to do something dangerous, and I won't let him, there's no reasoning with him, and he will throw the most awful tantrums.

I just had to carry him all the way home after an episode, where he wanted to push his buggy, which is far too big and heavy for him and he kept pushing it off the pavement, onto the road. He wouldn't even let me hold the one handle so I could stir it the right way. One thing led to another, and the only way to get him home was heaving him over my shoulder sack-of-potatoes-style. His behaviour really annoyed me and I ended up yelling at him a great deal - like those mothers we all see and judge on the street/bus/supermarket .

I just feel emotionally utterly exhausted these days, and an incompetent mother for not being able to handle things better. I hate myself for shouting at him and for the anger / frustration I feel towards him, especially when I think about how much I love him and what a precious child he is.

My friend recons I feel this way because I'm expecting again and it's all to do with the pregnancy hormones. Even if it is so, it doesn't solve my problem.

Any ideas? Please dont't judge me. Is there any workshop out there that teaches incompetent parents how to bring up their children?

Poor you. I attended parenting classes and we touched on tantrums and it was very useful. Must be something in your area.

You're not incompetent, you sound normal to me. My DS is 19 mths BTW.

See LittleLapin's thread about tantrums... can't do links - sorry - I'm a newbie MNer!

You sound fine, i think everyone has been there at some point or another, dont beat yourself up about it, its normal!!!

Just a thought, before he gets out of the buggy and you know he is going to want to push it, say something like do you think you could help mummy push this buggy. kid him along, its sharing, you push this side and mummy pushes this side, oh your very good at sharing etc, etc.

If he still insists on pushing alone, you either let mummy help you or you have to sit in your buggy, what do you want to do???

Im sure you lots of good advice and no one will judge you.

Every one seems to be posting on this subject today, but no one has replied to my thread
We should club together to form a support group
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/389788?stamp=070917111955

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/389788?stamp=070917111955

Poor you- I do sympathise, I had a similar problem with my son who is now 3.5.

He had the most spectacular tantrums practically every time we went out and like you, I also ended up having to walk around with a screaming child over my shoulder so often that I stopped going out altogether. I found this so depressing and as you say, exhausting and he was still having tantrums at home. I wasn't even pregnant and found it incredibly difficult to cope so I totally understand how hard it is.

In the end the tantrums were making me so miserable that I contacted my health visitor. She was really understanding and has given me a huge amount of support and information on dealing with tantrums.

I was able to develop coping strategies and things have improved a lot over the last few months as his language skills have improved. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

Do contact your health visitor or local surgery who will be able to put you in contact with the right people and give you some advice.

Good luck and hang in there!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm seeing my hv tomorrow. I contacted parentline plus, but they don't run a parenting course in my area. Perhaps my hv will know about something similar.

DH recons next time I go out with the buggy, I should take DS's toy buggy with us and see if he's willing to settle for that one. We went to the supermarket yesterday and took his toy trolley, which he was quite happy pushing around, and copying what Mummy was doing. So, you never know, the toy buggy idea might work...