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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help DD age 4 has gone into meltdown and I am not far behind (bit long)

17 replies

loujay · 16/09/2007 12:33

DD started school last week, mornings only as she turned 4 at the end of August.
I was prepared for the tired tantrums and for behaviour to be worse than usual due to tiredness.
However what I have not been prepared for is the waking up at 5.30 on Friday and Saturday mornings and then absolute refusal to return to bed.
Last night she got up at 2.15am, her father and I took the drastic step of ignoring her (I still dont know if this was right or not) andjust saying "Goodnight darling back to bed please" whilst staying in be ourselves, otherwise what happens is that we just have 2 - 3 hours ofputting her back in a bed that she just wont stay in. She also breaks out of the travel gate we have tried putting on her room.
The upshot last night was a tantrum that lasted until 4.30am, at which stage she went back to bed of her own accord until 7am.
Behaviour today is unbelievable, including kicking her 8 week old brother in the head.
She now has no toys, no books, no television.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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fireflyfairy2 · 16/09/2007 12:36

Oh dear, not sure how I would handle this.

I would think if it were my dd she would probably be tired & would try putting her down for a nap.

Do you think she might go for it?

Niecie · 16/09/2007 12:40

loujay - sounds like everything is a bit much with DD at the moment what with school and a new baby brother.

I am not sure what you can do except keep giving her as much love and attention as you can. Have you asked her if anything is bothering her in particular (something at school maybe) or do you think it is just tiredness?

I think I would give her back her books as a child at a loose end will be even more trouble. Let her find a quiet corner and read or draw and then try giving her an early night.

Original poster

loujay · 16/09/2007 12:49

She is knackered but will not go for a nap (just spends time getting in and out of bed)
Her brother is asleep at the moment and due to lack of toys I have tried to engage her in some mummy and DD time together making a crumble (she loves to cook usually)
COmplete chaos with food everywhere and another tantrum.............apple crumble abandoned

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cornsilk · 16/09/2007 12:52

Sounds like she may be over tired (my ds did this ) and is adjusting her body clock to the new routine. You might be better off just getting her up when she wakes up and then putting her down at night a bit earlier till she adjusts. Not easy I know - you have my sympathy!

EscapeFrom · 16/09/2007 12:55

loujay

No books, no toys, and no television will result in a bored, angry child, not an obediant one.

Put the tv on, and wrap her in a blanket, and see if she gopes to sleep.

everyone will be a lot happier.

Original poster

loujay · 16/09/2007 12:59

OK I am going to make a cheese sandwich and put toy story on as this usually results in sleep and then we will see where we go from there.
Please tell me this horribleness will not last, I am not having alot of sleep myself with an 8 week old as it is and the thought of having to start my day at 4 oclock is bringing me close to tears

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blondie15 · 16/09/2007 13:01

Is going for a drive an option? She sounds so tired that she would surely drift off to sleep and then just try getting her back in her routine tonight. Perhaps get her to help in your new baby's routine as well as this will get your attention in a positive way. Good luck!!

Original poster

loujay · 16/09/2007 13:05

Blondie, she is involved as much as possible with DS, I am trying anything that will work.
The only danger with her falling asleep during the day is that she will not sleep so well tonight (despite the fact that she has had very little last night)
She has never been a good sleeper, but this is the worst I think. I am worried about school now if she is not sleeping and is too knackered to go.

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law3 · 16/09/2007 14:52

same problem, my ds 3.6 started nursery a few days ago and has turned from 'my little angel' to 'my little devil' overnight. He punched my dh right on the nose in temper the other day (dont laugh!!!)

I have resigned myself to dealing with bad behaviour in the usual way and waiting for it to blow over, its early days, im sure things will improve once settled into the routine!!!

mimsum · 16/09/2007 17:02

My dd (4) started reception last week - she had a lovely time at school and wasn't too bad at home after school (although she was obviously tired)

But .... yesterday afternooon she turned into the spawn of satan - everything was wrong, she cried about anything and everything for hours, she hit and kicked the rest of us - it was awful

I'm trying to ignore it as much as possible and wait for it to blow over - but it's hard ....

Yesterday I was wondering how early I could decently put a 4 year old to bed

dramaqueen · 16/09/2007 17:07

If she's too tired to go, then give her a day off. Tell her it is not her day to go today, then phone her in sick. Or keep her at home on a friday, so she won't know that she has missed it. Any decent teacher will understand.

Original poster

loujay · 16/09/2007 18:41

Thanks all for not making me feel alone in this, I shall update about tonights sleep tomorrow.........wish me luck!!

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Original poster

loujay · 17/09/2007 08:01

Yay!!!
DD slept until 6.20am.
Unfortunately DS seems to be growth spurting so was awake every 3 hours, but getting your boobs out for an 8 week old is infinately better than arguing with a 4 year old at 2 in the morning.
Will see how she is after school today, a new day and I am feeling alot more positive.
Thanks again everyone.

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RubberDuck · 17/09/2007 08:18

How about getting some sort of signal for when she's allowed to disturb you (bunny clock, light on a timer, etc) and say she's allowed up any time she likes as long as she doesn't come into you before bunny wakes up/light comes on.

Then a sticker chart for each time she manages - about 16 squares to reach a toy worth about £5 of their choice (decided before sticker chart made) works well in our house, plus the natural consequence of an early bedtime (half hour earlier than normal?) any day that she does disturb you too early (natural consequence in that she will be more tired and need the extra sleep).

Hope you get some more sleep soon.

RubberDuck · 17/09/2007 08:19

(oh, threatening to tell the teacher if they've behaved badly at the weekend works well in our house too, although god knows what they think the teacher will do about it and it's probably majorly psychologically damaging or something )

law3 · 17/09/2007 15:08

rubber - lol i can just picture a whole class of kids shaking in their little boots, bless em!!!

Original poster

loujay · 18/09/2007 17:02

Ok, seem to have got the sleeping thing cracked (for 2 nights anyway!!)
Just been for a new parents meeting at school, only to find out in passing from her teacher that DD refused to put her clothes back on after gym - resulting in her nearly missing lunch. She has also been saying no alot to both teachers and teaching assistants. The teacher is describing her behaviour as "willfull" which I am taking as "stroppy".
One to one planned with teacher next week to discuss how DD is settling in (same for all new parents not just me)
Methinks this will be a meeting where I come away feeling bad.
Part of me thinks - well at least her behaviour is the same across the board - the other part of me is wondering whether she will behave for ANYONE.

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