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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

big brother hitting newborn help

15 replies

jenny74 · 16/09/2007 08:24

help ds who is 25 months old keeps hitting his new sister, and thinks that being told off is very funny. He goes from being very good with her to hitting her round the head. I cant leave them alone together, and seem to spend most of my time telling him off, i miss my good little boy. please help, did this happen to you. DD is only two weeks old.

OP posts:

domesticgrumpess · 16/09/2007 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zookeeper · 16/09/2007 09:45

this happened to me - - I eventually put a little bolt on the bedronm door so that at least when the baby was sleeping I knew he was safe! The crunch came when I intercepted ds who was tiny carrying new born ds to the (hot) bath that he had filled in the bathroom "to give him a wash"

My blood still runs cold to think of it.

seeker · 16/09/2007 10:00

I really think you can't leave them alone together for a moment - sorry! Even if he wasn't deliberately trying to hurt her, he could accidentally drop something on her, or try to pick her up and drop her or something. I agree that you have to try to pretend he's not doing it - there's a lovely bit in one of the Libby Purves baby books where she says you have to say things like "Oh how lovely - you're bringing the sledgehammer for baby to play with! That is kind - but it's a bit heavy. Shall we put it up here and you can give her this nice teddy instead?" You sond like a complete prat - but it works!

notnowbernard · 16/09/2007 11:31

Sounds very normal. It does settle down eventually. DD1 was 2.8 when DD2 arrived, and I couldn't leave them together because DD1 was in DD2s face constantly! Kissing her (a little too hard), holding her hand (a little too hard), wanting her to wake up, trying to feed her biscuits, raisins, bananas etc... I agree with the ignoring all negative behaviour and trying to focus on the positive but it is wearing at times. Congratulations, by the way!

lindenlass · 16/09/2007 11:56

I never left mine together as even if they're being kind, they don't always know their own strength.

We always tried to model good behaviour and help the older ones to learn it without telling them off. Self-fulfilling prophecy is very strong when it comes to children and if he thinks his role is 'naughty big brother' he's likely to act that way. Try getting him involved in babycare and showing him how to be gentle. If he hits her, take his hand gently and offer him other suggestions of things to do with her like 'stroke her hair, isn't it soft, look she likes it, she's smiling at you'. Try not to focus on the hitting and pay loads of attention to good things. Say things like 'she's crying, shall we go and get her together and try to cheer her up? Oh look, she's so pleased to see you! Would you like to cuddle her on the sofa?' and get her on his knee (with your help and don't let go!). If he's hitting he may be feeling bereft of your attention now that the baby's here and hitting is getting him loads of attention! Anything positive that will make him feel like he's still your baby too will help.

BWs

Clare
x

law3 · 16/09/2007 12:12

Yeah, i think most of us who have two or more kids, close in age have been through this one.

Thinking back, as soon as i saw my then 2 year old approaching my newborn, i would make sure i stood next to him and remind him of being gentle. If he did manage a swipe, I would tell him sternly 'no smacking, be gentle' and move him away. No big telling off, or he was in the spotlight getting the attention he was after.

dejags · 16/09/2007 12:14

My DS2 was 2y8m when DD was born. I found it incredibly stressful in the early days. He was very (unintentionally) hamfisted with her - bless him he is quite clumsy at the best of times.

DH and I were arguing in the kitchen when she was three weeks old. Next thing we see DS2 carrying what looks like a pile of blankets in his arms. I hear a little screech and realise that he is clutching DD upside down by her feet. I shudder at the thought.

The answer is put up a travel cot in the lounge. The sides are high enough to afford some protection. Once DS2 realised he couldn't get near her, he got bored.

Now that she is nearing five months older it's much, much easier.

notnowbernard · 16/09/2007 12:22

I used dd2's carseat in the early days to transport her about the flat (in the toilet/shower/garden etc).

Now dd2 is 1 am able to leave them alone for longer periods.... flat is small so in no danger of not hearing them (alas!)

law3 · 16/09/2007 13:33

Just thought of something else, (it was years ago mine were that age, all flooding back to me now!!)

I used to get older one involved as much as poss, ie nappy changing, getting the wet ones, helping to put the cream on GENTLY etc. Feeding - letting him the bottle for a minute GENTLY (might be a bit difficult if you are breast feeding though!!)

TheMags · 16/09/2007 20:41

My advice is never leave them alone together. I have 20 months between my DS's and DS1 was terrible in the beginning trying to hit DS2 every time I brought him into the room. Now though five months down the line we are at the stage where he genuinely loves DS2 and rather than trying to hit him we now have over enthusiatic kisses and cuddles instead! I still cant leave them alone together but is definitely easier now.

BadZelda · 16/09/2007 20:48

The travel cot idea is a good one. I have a 3 month old and 2.9 yo... DD1 is pretty gentle with DD2 - but seems really obsessed with the fontanelle...so basically I tend to bring DD2 around the house with me if she's awake, or make sure she's asleep in her cot. And congrats from me too.

Psychobabble · 16/09/2007 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadZelda · 16/09/2007 21:09

Oh another thing I find that helps when you're feeding the LO is to snuggle the older child into the other side and read them a really long story?

Original poster

jenny74 · 18/09/2007 22:09

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, thanks. The travel cot is a great idea, now very glad that we bought a big one as it is able to stand the wait of a 14 kg ds swinging of it!!

OP posts:

pinkyminky · 18/09/2007 23:03

congratulations on your new baby!

Mine are 16 months apart, my main problem now is that my ds tries to get dd to dance with him, when she can't quite walk yet.
I agree with not leaving them alone together - it's just too risky.
I had a gate on the front room so I could put baby in the carrycot or on playmat in there and just shut ds out if I needed to leave the room.

Travel cot is a good idea, but remember they can still drop things into the cot. ds used to try to drop large tonker trucks etc. for baby to play with....

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