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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm worried that Dd2 may be depressed

14 replies

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 11:48

She is 7 and has always been extremely emotional, and also suffers with OCD although this is now alot better and mostly under control.

Before the summer holidays she was very stressed, which is nrmal for her. She gets very tired towards the end of each term, and then added to that the day is often not as normal due to end of term stuff and I end up with a ratty, tired stressed little girl.

Normally a break works wonders, but this time it hasn't. She seems to be so miserable and snappy and just not happy at all. I have asked her if anything is wrong, but she insists there isn't.
As soon as I wake her in the morning she is snappy and emotional, but seems to be fine once we get to school, and happily goes in with her friends.

I hate to think of her feeling so sad, and her OCD has also been rearing it's ugly head a bit this week, so I know she isn't feeling great as this always happens when she is feeling stressed.

I am guilty of not spending enough individual time with her, and so I am going to try and rectify that, but what else can I do ?

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EffiePerine · 13/09/2007 11:52

Can you have a chat with her teacher? I remember hating going back to school after the summer - it's a long break and the thought is quite daunting. Do they do stuff in class on how to deal with stress? Not sure what she is doing atm re tests and so on, but could this be a factor?

Sounds like you're having a tough time

Original poster

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 11:56

I will try and speak to her teacher, although he has been off sick this week. She seems to be fine once she gets to school, and although I was expecting tears today there weren't any, and she played happily with her friend until the bell rang.

She does love her bed, and is always alot happier on days where she wakes up in her own time rather than me waking her, but obviously on a school day I can't not wake her.

I know she is a bit peed off with me for a couple of things right now, the main 2 being stuff that she wants to do which I can't afford, but try as I might to explain, I think she thinks I am being mean.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 13/09/2007 11:57

What time does she go off to sleep? Is she getting a good night's sleep do you think - I just wondered if some of the snappishness could be tiredness?

Maybe ask the teacher if they could have a moment with her and ask if everything is ok at school? just in case your dd would tell her rather than tell you - it's unlikely I suppose but it sometimes happens that kids want to protect their parents so don't open up to them about problems.

Sorry to hear she's not enjoying it.

Original poster

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 11:59

She goes to bed at 7:30 and is allowed to read or play until 8 and then she has to go to sleep which I think she does pretty quickly.
She did wake in the night last night and said she had a nightmare. I haven't asked her about that yet.

My mum asked her if she'd like to stay over at hers tonight which she normally loves, but she said no.

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EffiePerine · 13/09/2007 12:01

I would have thought that with OCD it would be change rather than school per se, which would fit in with hating getting up and going but not being there IYSWIM. What about planning the morning the day before? e.g. breakfast, clothes she is going to wear, could you do a fancy chart thing with (glittery) stickers to add on. Eg I will wear my PINK socks and have JAM on my toast etc?

The being upset with you about stuff is just being a parent, I guess.

Original poster

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 12:06

I agree Effie, I do think she struggles with change alot, and likes to know what she is doing and when, and with as much detail as possible.

I think planning the day ahead sounds good, I will discuss it with her tonight.

Her OCD is generally under control but I found her in tears upstairs the other morning as Dd1 had hit her. I told Dd1 off and she apologised to dd2, and then dd2 said 'but she'd been to the toilet, and not washed her hands yet, and now she has hit me with dirty hands'

I feel so sad for her, that she is like this, she is 7 fgs, I should be telling her off for forgettting to washing her hands, not have her reminding me to buy handwash, and crying because she thinks her sister has germs on her hands.

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EffiePerine · 13/09/2007 12:10

Have you talked to your GP? Diagnosis and treatment for this age problematic though, I know.

Original poster

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 12:17

Yep and dd had a couple of sessions with a pyschiatrist, who basically told her exactly what I had been telling her, but also gave her rules ie she could only wash her hands if she had actually been to the toilet and not jujst touched the seat, handle etc.

Most of the time it's fine, and a few months ago she did actually use the toilet and walk out without washing her hands, which I was ecstatic about oddly.

It always rears it head when she is stressed, although thankfully (touch wood) it doesn't get as bad as it was at the worst point before, when she had cracked, bleeding hands from washing them too much, and I had to pysically restrain her from washing them.

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EffiePerine · 13/09/2007 12:23

Would it be worth going back periodically to monitor the situation? Not sure what 'talking' therapies available on the NHS for this (I suspect v little). Is there a support service at school you can access? Perhaps if there were someone there she could go and talk to it might help, but no idea what provision there would be.

Sounds like you're doing really well to have got the OCD under control.

Original poster

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 12:25

I think I can ask to speak to the school nurse and see if dd can get any help through her.

I am ging to have a good chat with her tonight whilst dd1 is at my mums.

Hopefully it is just that it's taking her a while to settle back into school.

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EffiePerine · 13/09/2007 13:13

Hope things settle down for her soon

MrsMarvel · 13/09/2007 13:18

Nutcracker I'm no psychiatrist but to put pressure on a child for having hand-washing OCD I don't think is going to help her. Is it possible she has a phobia?

Phobia is treated with gradual exposure to the thing the child is phobic of. Have you tried anything like this?

Original poster

nutcracker · 13/09/2007 13:24

Hmmm not sure how you could do gradual exposure to it.

Her main fear is that if she touches the toilet or anything even relating to the toilet and then doesn't wash her hands she will get germs.

She thinks she can smell germs on her hands, and has in the past washed them because of this.

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MrsMarvel · 13/09/2007 14:33

When small children get over-fussy about cleanliness one of the things you do is get them involved in messy play - finger painting, cooking, stuff like that. It's something to do with learning and understanding in your own head that there is dirty stuff you can touch and then wash, and there is clean stuff you can touch and don't need to wash.

I think cooking and baking could become too focused on hygiene. How about fingerprint drawings? Klutz do a little pack - quite cool for big girls too. Gardening is also a good one.

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