My DS is 2yrs and possibly asd

[Mumofone18]

Well, where to begin. I really am struggling at the moment with being a parent. My son is 25 months old and has recently been referred to speech and language therapy (6 months waiting list-possibly more now due to current situation). I knew something wasn’t quite right when he was 16 months, went and seen my HV and she agrees and ask for a referral which was denied due to his age. I am finding it very difficult dealing with him as he is very aggressive if he doesn’t want to do something. I was wondering if anyone who is or has gone through this can offer any helpful suggestions to help me get through everyday life without having mental breakdowns.

He is basically non verbal, lots of babbling but apart from the word dad, nothing. He doesn’t point and will just grab mine or his dads hand if he wants something.

He plays constantly with trains or cars and has recently just started to lie down whilst doing this.

When he doesn’t want to do something he becomes very agitated and starts to grab out and bite. When I tell him in a firm voice ‘no, that hurts mum’ or any other variation he lashes out more so I have tried the nicer way of saying in a low calm voice, that’s not nice and sometimes it works but other times it doesn’t.

I feel like he just doesn’t like me anymore and would much prefer to spend all his time with his dad which is impossible because he works 6 days for 11 hr shifts.

I just really need advice, I just feel like a failure at the moment.

I do think you have valid concerns and he should be refereed to a pediatrician, not pointing to request or share, hand leading (using your hand as a tool), visual stimming (looking at toys at eye level) can all be associated with autism and more so if they are all happening at the same time - how is his understanding? (receptive language), have you tried to take the m-chat test online? he is at the perfect age to do so.

He is also being referred to a paediatrician for under 5’s but again the waiting list is 6-9 months. I just want to know if anyone can offer advice on how to help with speech etc until then (people who have gone through similar things with their children).

His understanding is pretty good, as in he knows that after he puts his shoes on we are going outside or after his bottle he is going to bed etc.

Done the m-chat in the past which is why I went to my drs in the first place.

Hi op,

I'll try my best to give you some advice, ultimately he does need seeing by salt but here of some things that helped us. My ds (10) has very complex communication issues so i get how your feeling. It's incredibly difficult when your waiting for help but are desperately trying to help your little one.

Will he follow basic verbal instructions? Does he respond to his own name?

Some things that might be helpful-

Pecs and/or makaton - both a fabulous for getting communication started. Have either been mentioned to you? It will be helpful to do some research on these as this is what salt will suggest. There are a number of other methods but these are the nhs salt defaults.

Simplify your language with him, keep it very simple particularly when giving him things he wants. Does he lead you to things? If he does great, you know what he wants. For example if he leads you to his cup say cup and hand it to him. You can re-enforce this with pecs or makaton.

Copy the noises he makes and make your own sounds, see if he can copy you or realise that you or copying him.

Use visual aids to support transitions. If you are going somewhere show him via an image. Show him what you are doing now and what's coming later. Visual now/next boards or visual schedules was and still is something we use every single day. My son used to really struggle when an activity finished. We used to sign one more finished with him. He gets warning that it is finishing so he can process it. A few minutes later we sign finished. We would then show him visually what was happening next.

I hope this is of some help!

Sorry, that was in paragraphs. Silly phone!

Thank you for your response. Lots of helpful suggestions for us to try.

He does understand simple instructions such as snack, breakfast, drink, shoes etc. We try and keep the language short and sweet for now to not overwhelm him.

I am currently in the process of learning a few different Makaton signs for us to make a start with. Even though we sometimes watch Something Special on cbeebies, I didn’t even consider it!! Thanks for that, hopefully that will ease a bit of frustration eventually.

He does sometimes lead us to things he wants but mostly I sort of go with our routine which I think he is used to (HV said to try and stick with a routine as much as possible).

He does copy certain noises we make and vice versa, he just doesn’t seem to be able to copy the words. In the Past he has said a few words, thank you, yes, no but he seems to forget them after about a week. The only consistent word is dad!

I will definitely give the visual aids a go as I think not knowing or rather not understanding what is coming next is quite hard for him and this is when he gets quite angry and frustrated. Do you literally just get a picture up on your phone or have you made your own that you use?

Was your son ever aggressive and biting, kicking?? Just wondering if there is anything I haven’t tried yet. My brain tells me it’s because he’s frustrated (HV says this is most likely) but I would like to get the message through to him that it is wrong and is hurtful.

I also didn’t mention that he is quite sensitive to some sensory things. He doesn’t like getting his hands dirty, I am going to try this week some painting with him and also I am getting some sand for his sand pit. I don’t want to throw him in at the deep end though!! He loves water, so I’m hoping the paint won’t be too bad for him and the wet texture is similar to water.

Do you have any other ideas I could use to help him.

Thank you. I do appreciate it.

Just be aware it isn't one size fits all. You might have success with makaton or you might not. Same with pecs, every kid is different. Personally my son didn't respond to either, you may have to try a few things before you find something which sticks.

Yes my son was incredibly aggressive, kicking, biting, punching, grabbing. You name it he's done it. The key to this for us has been communication and routine. He is mostly non verbal but his communication via other methods is good. Once he was able to get his basic needs met he calmed down massively. He's knows what is happening in the day via his visual schedule. We show him pictures we have printed or pictures on our phone/ipad. It reduces his anxiety. If a major change is about to occur we do extra prep over a week or so period so he knows what is coming. If you goggle now/next board and visual schedules it'll give you an idea of what im on about. Getting the right schooling environment is also incredibly important. We totally messed that up at first.

Sensory wise - is he noise sensitive? Thats a common one. Ds uses ear defenders occasionally now but wore them a lot more when he was younger. It was also a trigger for aggressive behaviour. If you have oral sensory issues things lime chew buddies or chewy chubes are great.

Sensory feedback is a big thing. Things such as trampoline, swing, playdoh, messy play, bubble tube, rockers, soft play all give excellent sensory feedback. The difficult part is finding what he responds to.

Messy play ideas - when painting have a bowl of water near by so he can wash his hands immediately if it becomes to much. My son still does this now. Other ideas - shaving foam (ds covers himself from head to toe in the shower lol), sand, kinetic sand (more mouldable than normal sand), water (you can get toy sinks with a working tap), sensory toys, coloured rice/noodles, pasta shapes, mouldable foam, sensory bags or bottles (tons of ideas of Pinterest, may be ideal if he doesn't want to directly touch things). Just a few ideas, hope it helps.

Yes, I know that what works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for another, this is all just trial and error for me until we get seen by the professionals.

Thank you for your advice on chewy tubes, we are going to give these a go because most of the time I get the feeling he isn’t being aggressive when he’s biting or hitting out so this might calm him down by focusing him onto something he can actually bite onto.

When you say that Makaton and pecs didn’t work for you but your sons communication is good, what did work for you?? We try to keep a good routine and I am in the process of making some now/next cards to help his anxiety. I think it define helps him to know what’s coming.

He is not noise sensitive at all, doesn’t mind loud noises or quiet ones.

With regards to sensory, I am trying different things with him. He has a slide, trampoline, sand pit/water pit, I just need to try more messy play with him as he definitely doesn’t like the feel of some textures and obviously I don’t want him to feel anxious or pain but feel like if I introduce things gently then maybe over a long period of time he could become used to certain things. I can show him first by playing with things first then go from there.

He absolutely loves his trains and cars, so his play is generally centred around that although I do try to get him involved in other activities, he is getting more interested in books now which is good. Are there any other activities that helped your son to maybe use other senses??

My son uses an ipad with picture based speech software.

My son has always been very restricted in his interests. Always loved cars and puzzles. I've always tried to encourage him via messy play, arts and crafts, educational nursery rhymes, baking. Lots of opportunities to use different senses.

Trying my best to engage him in other things but mostly it’s just cars and trains which is fine but sometimes I feel like I’m not needed!! He could literally just sit and play for most of the day if I let him.

His aggression has gotten so bad over the past couple of weeks. I think this whole lockdown thing is affecting him as we would usually go out 3 times a day for various activities but restricted to just once at the moment. We play in the back garden but it’s not exactly child friendly at the moment. He hit my husband in the face with a toy car this morning and cut his lip!! He seems to think it’s a funny game and we are really trying to get him out of it but it seems pointless!! Any ideas!??

Have you had a look at "teach me to talk" with Laura Mize? She's a SALT in the US and there are loads of useful resources on her website / podcast. It's a lot to wade through, but it's given me lots of ideas and insights on how children develop and pick up language. It's particularly suitable for under-3s...I wish I'd found it sooner as DS is older, but it's still quite relevant.

I had very similar difficulties with my child at around the same age. In particular, some of the socia communication difficulties you mention. I totally understand your need to help your child while waiting for the SALT and Paeds reviews - the next 6-9 months is a hugely important chunk of time for potential development.

I strongly suspected autism for my child and started ABA therapies privately. Out of everything, I found this book the most useful:

books.google.co.uk/books/about/An_Early_Start_for_Your_Child_with_Autis.html?id=Ve3S-aRR4aMC&source=kp_book_description&redir_esc=y

It is aimed at parents and clearly explains why your child may be having certain difficulties and how to lay the foundation for speech through play activities mainly. I learnt from this that there were many other skills we needed to teach before we could hope for speech, but that they are teachable. It also has an excellent section on behavioural challenges, which are often the biggest barrier to learning.

I don’t wish to worry you - the techniques used in the book could be applied to any child with social communication difficulties, not just autism and it may well not be the underlying problem for you.
It was for us and I wish just one person had pointed me in this direction when I first had concerns around 14 months. After starting these techniques around 2 years old (when we had never had a word or approximation and no pointing) my child is now in the normal age range for speech and social communication. I really hope this helps you.

Still in the same boat here with the little guy. Doing a lot more face to face interaction with him so he can see my expressions etc. Also imitating the things he does whilst playing to try and get a reaction from him. I feel like he looks a me a lot more to join in now which is good. I’ve also started to do a lot more musical and action singing with him which he really seems to enjoy. The tantrums are still there especially if we change our routine. I just try to remain calm and tell him it’s ok and eventually he calms down. I’m just gonna keep trying these things and hope he keeps engaging with me and then hopefully some speech will come. Anybody else had any joy with these sorts of things??