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Behaviour/development

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Behaviour

14 replies

Kelly1987kids · 10/04/2020 11:52

Hi everyone I'm new to the site but my friend recommended it to me I have 4 children 2 girls 2 boys I'm having problems with my 9 year old daughter since been able to walk and talk at about 18 months old weve had behavioural issues at 1st I just thought with her been a girl she was strong willed. Her behaviour is like explosions and getting worse as the years go by she struggles at school they think she is dyslexic. From been young we tried the naughty step and she used to throw herself off the stairs so them we tried putting her in her room where she tried to climb out of her windows which were luckily locked as they always are we put a safety gate on her room and she climbed over it she has no fear I took her to the doctors which we have done many times since as she is getting older the behaviour is worse and she has started lashing out she hits me to the point it hurts weve tried lots of different things that weve been advised but at the minute we have no support she kicks off over anything and nothing weve taken things off her but this does not bother her weve removed technology from her aswell as toys. This does not change her behaviour with the current situation and her been out of routine things are even worse I've tried sticking to a routine but without success weve been under hospital weve seen numerous doctors our own GP believes there is some underlying issue but when taken further we get fobbed off by hospital we saw a consultant last year for adhd and he advised we just see how things are in a years time weve had health visitors involved. I'm asking if anyone has been through or going through anything similar and what advice you could offer. And just to add on this all started before I had my 3rd baby and before I was pregnant as weve been told it could be jealousy but this cant be the case after she has 1 of these kick offs she looks at me apologises and then when asked why she has kicked off looks blank and says she doesnt know

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/04/2020 13:40

Really sorry but I haven't got much time to reply right now.

Has anyone suggested the book the explosive child to you?

Do you follow How To ADHD on YouTube too? I find her very helpful Smile

Kelly1987kids · 10/04/2020 14:31

Hi thanku for ur reply I've never heard of the book but will look at it.

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Lindaluu122 · 10/04/2020 14:34

Just beat it it’s easy my son was acting up so I chinged him innit

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/04/2020 14:46

Linda does your keyboard not do punctuation?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/04/2020 19:16

Has she ever been assessed for ASD? And have you ever been referred to CAHMS?

Unfortunately, if she does have ASD then most usual parenting techniques simply won't work.

Kelly1987kids · 10/04/2020 19:32

CAHMS rejected her referral last year and wanted her seeing by community pediatrics our Gps have sent a referral to both again this week as we are struggling with her

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/04/2020 19:12

You might be better asking @MNHQ to move this over to the SN section, some of the MNers in there are very experienced and may be able to help you with her behaviour Thanks

Kelly1987kids · 12/04/2020 19:27

I'm really sorry but I dont understand what @mnhq is or the rest sorry

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Julsa · 12/04/2020 19:33

Has anyone suggested the book the explosive child to you?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/04/2020 20:13

Sorry MNHQ is Mumsnet Head Quarters. There’s a list of Mumsnet abbreviations here..

Hope those help Smile

Julsa, I have further up the thread Smile

Kelly1987kids · 12/04/2020 20:14

Thankyou so much for your help

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Kelly1987kids · 12/04/2020 20:17

Sorry to be a pain but how do I contact them to ask for this moving please

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Poppinjay · 12/04/2020 21:19

I know this is hard but you need to think of her behaviour as communication. She is struggling with the world around her and expressing her distress outwardly.

It sounds like a neurodevelopmental assessment would be really helpful right now. It would involve various professionals observing her and meeting you. They would note any aspects of development where she appears to be struggling, things that cause her stress and ways in which she may be struggling to express herself. They would then feed back to a panel who would decide whether a diagnosis would be appropriate and make recommendations for how she could be supported/treated.

That's not going to happen at the moment so I would suggest that you read around ADHD and autism for a start. Try some of the strategies recommended for children with these difficulties and take note of what helps.

I have two DDs with autism and my advice would be to reinstate a routine. Make it one with as few demands as possible and that you can generally avoid disrupting.

If you need to change the routine, give her lots of notice and let her know exactly what will be happening instead.

It's very easy to avoid busy environments at the moment but she may need breaks from social interaction, even in your home.

Give her a quite place, like a den, with some fiddle toys where she can withdraw when she's feeling overwhelmed.

Try to avoid strong smells, loud noise, unfamiliar food, uncomfortable clothing and other intense sensory input.

When she loses it. don't tyr to communicate too much with her. Don't punish her for these meltowns but, hours later, support her kindly and positively to apologise and make amends. Assume she feels bad about what she did.

Kelly1987kids · 12/04/2020 21:31

Thanku very much for ur comment I will take everything on board that u have put I will fix a routine up for us to follow that wont be too overwhelming I really appreciate ur reply

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