5.5 year screaming violent tantrums

[Itsnotalwaysfair]

The last couple of days my 5.5year has had tantrums where she screams, is violent, pushes furniture around.
I've tried staying calm, staying near but not restraining her, then when she stops screaming reading a story and giving her a cuddle. Today I managed better than yesterday.
When I asked about what made her feel so angry she was able to tell me. I reminded her we don't scream and try and hurt each other and she needs to practice saying how she is feeling.
She said when she's so angry she forgets she is supposed to use words.

I'm trying to get her out for air and a walk but it's a struggle and today didn't seem to prevent the tantrum. DH rightly says it's not ok for her to throw things around and try and hurt us but when she's in the throws of it I just don't know what to do. Any attempt to punish, send her out of the room or reason is met with more screaming. Any tips on how others have managed this?

My DD is the same and is being assessed for ASD. Do you think it may be this?

Hi jiltedjohnsjulie Thank you for answering. I don't know enough about ASD to judge but I'll look into it. Today we managed to avoid one by asking her what the solution could be that made everyone happy. (Her wish to listen to continue to listen to stories on the radio which she had done for an hour versus Our proposal to build a tent of sheets on our very small city terrace (no other outside space) during the 2 hours it gets sunlight. I think I can hear another one coming as DH is putting her to bed, she's already tired and doing this thing where she just shouts noises instead of speaking.

Jjj i hope your daughters assessment is helpful

I think you need to consider - is this a strong willed child without significant other difficulties who is testing boundaries and in response needs boundaries clearly enforced. Or is it a child with other difficulties that are escalating to this - social or communication problems for example which requires a tailored and different response. If the former you could put her in her room and just ignore completely till she calms down. I would then insist she tidies up any mess and perhaps think about a punishment such as loss of a privilege. I had a very strong willed, bright daughter who had big tantrums though not hurting us or destroying things more just tantrum/screaming - she grew out of it and is a well adjusted 15 year old now. You will know from your child - if she is generally fine, a reasonable communicator, and fine at school that is different from a child with other issues.