Toddler struggling with newborn

[kim1856]

Hi,

I've got a little girl who will be 3 in July, and have had a baby a week ago.

My Daughter has always been really well behaved, loving, caring and not aggressive in the slightest.

Since the baby came along I can see that she is really struggling. She talks about hitting the baby and she is quite rough with her. She is constantly playing up and doing all of the things we have asked her not to do, throwing things at me and generally being a bit of a handful.

I keep trying to spend one on one time with her to try and reassure her and stop her from feeling left out, but I am also breastfeeding and the baby is on the boob for most of the day. My partner is getting up with our Daughter in the morning and playing games with her all day, so she is still getting lots of attention but she's clearly hurting.

Does anyone have any ideas about how to make her feel better in this situation or just and ideas about how to help her get back to normal?

Thanks

Hi there no great ideas really but didn’t want to read and run- you sound like great parents and I’m sure your daughter will come round. Our son is 4 in June so a wee bit older and our baby 5 weeks. We had expected him to be worse as he was very petted on us but so far ok - bit of regression (few wet accidents), playing at being a baby, and wanting more hugs than normal. He ignored the baby first few days )he wasn’t well that week so may have been a factor) and then suddenly just came round and now is all into her. Can you try to involve her with the baby - help with nappy changes, squeeze a bit of shampoo out at bath time etc. Also my son has a doll which he calls Theia (our baby’s name) 2 and he does stuff for her which he enjoys . He spends quite a bit of time playing with his older brothers and sisters who are 10 plus so that is a good distraction. I’m sure she will come round - try not to worry too much.

Congratulations on your new LO. I think how she is behaving is perfectly natural, she’s got a lot to process, first lick down and now the baby and change in routine.

Agree with trying to involve her and giving than a doll is usually a good idea too.

Could you read to her whilst you are BFing? If you can’t manage that, simple audio stares whilst you cuddle up might work?

Kellymom has a few more tips on feeding a newborn whilst you have a toddler here.

And if you can, get DH to walk or bathe LO whilst you spend some time with DD

Thank you both!

Thank you for the link as well :).

She is getting calmer by the day as she gets used to everything, but I feel so sorry for her when she wants me to play hide and seek and I'm sat there breastfeeding, but sure it will get better!

Good idea to read to toddler whilst feeding!

Thank you x

It’s hard for you too - you have to get used to splitting your time and not giving them your undivided attention. In about six months you will be well used to it! Glad she is coming down - I’m sure all will be better soon

Agree with making breastfeeding time a time to read or engage with her.
We also used to have this game where the bed became a bus and baby brother was the bus driver and he drove big sister to all this different shops where she pretend-bought things (1 egg and huge quantities of sweets as I remember it). But you could do jungle travels or something instead. Something where what babies do naturally like wave arms in the air or make funny noises can be incorporated in the game, so that they're "sharing" an experience but where big sister is still in charge.