I'm really struggling today - forgive me if this note sounds over the top, but I had practically no sleep last night and during my walk with the dog this morning, I slipped and fell with my DS in his sling. I was so tired I'm obviously not very safe. He was ok, but I was so shaken and wondering - when will all of this get better?. My DS is 10 and a half weeks old and I still feel as exhausted and unsure as I did when he was first born, and yet I perceive others in the same boat as coping better, getting out and about and sleeping more!!! The grass is always greener...
He is incredibly alert, healthy and is growing really fast which is absolutely brilliant, but...he seems so demanding, more so than anyone else's baby. Is this just him - in which case, OK! He's going to be a handful, but he'll also probably grow up to be assertive, passionate and lively which is wonderful. But I'm lacking in confidence - he is my first baby - wondering whether it's something that I am doing wrong - could I be doing more to alleviate his stress? He seems to go into a hissy fit at the drop of a hat, and it's the biggest, most powerful yelling I've ever heard from a baby. And I don't think it's just because it's my baby that I think that! There doesn't seem to be a middle ground, it's all or nothing sreaming. Of course babies cry, but it's the incessant and demanding nature of it that's upsetting me and wearing me down. I'm really aware of the fact that when a baby gets stressed, and if this happens regularly, this could have a longer term affect (hard wiring in the brain) on their ability as adults to cope with stress. So I've been trying to help soothe his stress, but his will thinks differently!! I live in an isolated place, so have to drive to get anywhere. Unfortunately, he absolutely hates going in a car seat and if I am by myself in the car (invariably so during the day) he screams from door to door. He also doesn't recognise when he's tired, although I try to settle him before he gets beyond tired and gets upset, but that hardly ever works, so he goes into another raging fit. It's like he goes into a zone, and there is no consoling him or grtting through to him. The only thing that works is to put him in the sling and walk outside - then he falls asleep. But I then worry that he will associate fallling asleep with being in the sling...
I'vr tried a dummy, he spits it out. I've tried craniosacral therapy - I've not noticed a huge difference. I had a good home birth and he was born without complications, so I don't think that has affected him. I try to be calm with him so that he doesn't get stressed that way. But I find it hard to keep all of this up when I'm not sleeping properly at night because I keep waking as he's a very noisy sleeper = he thrashes pretty much every night - non-stop. I've tried to help with this - I've modified my diet, we've got winding down to a fine art...what more can I do???!!!! I'm beginning to feel a bit resentful and that is just awful. I love him so much, and when he smiles at me everything melts away... until the next hissy fit of course!!! Now I feel guilty writing this - he's not doing it on purpose, but nor do I want to beat myself up for not being good enough....it's still early days, right? Please tell me things will get better!