DD deliberately wetting herself. Please help!

[Snowbell]

My DD (aged 2y10m) has recently started wetting herself deliberately. She has been toilet training since end April/May. She has had phases of this before but we have given her the benefit of the doubt and thought they must be genuine accidents. This time I'm sure now that it's deliberate. We have tried star charts, praising her for keeping her pants dry, showing annoyance and disappointment, everything. The trigger actually seems to be praising her for keeping her pants dry. Recently I realised that she had not had any accidents for 2 weeks, but had a feeling it best not to say anything to DD. I mentioned it to DP that evening. The next day he told DD that I had told him she had not had any accidents for two weeks and he praised her. Sure enough she started wetting herself again that day. She is having two "accidents" a day. It really upsets me that she behaves like this and I can't understand what could be the psychology behind it. Has anyone else had this problem?

v frustrating snowbell! How does she react to the wetting - upset or not bothered?

Is there anything going on in her life that might be troubling her, snowbell?

Is there any pattern to when she does it? DS used to do it if I was on the phone - he did this for a while and we decided it was a control and attention thing, something he could do that we had to respond to, even if just to change his pants with no fuss. Star charts were useless, and like you, I think that the praise triggered it sometimes - perhaps it was just that he knew it was an 'issue'. I'm not going to be much help, as I don't honestly know what stopped it - we made as little fuss as possible and it just gradually stopped.

hi our dd is 2yrs 7mths

we tried the cold turkey method for six days but just got loads of accidents but have got her use to sitting on the toilet at least.

looked up the tips on baby centre there to see what training programme to do and any tips regarding the topic.

how did you potty train her in the 1st place

think our dd,s prob is a relutance to come out of nappies she,ll hold onto it for ages waiting to see if we go out and put one on .

may be she doesnt want a big issue made of it anymore about being dry,check out the sites advice about that

hope that helps a little

tc let us know how u get on

My dd (3) wets her bed at night on purpose so she can get into bed with us at night. WE know she does it on purpose because she told us

I have stopped letting her into our bed at night and have put ehr back into pullups in bed which she hates as she likes to think of herself as a big girl. She also wants a princess bedroom so we have told her that each time she goes a week without coming into our bed or wetting herself we buy her something towards her room, so far she as had a table lamp, celing pendant and duvet set. So far it is working.

Snowbell my dd wets herself during the day when she is having a tantrum and being told off, not sure if she doing it on purpose to so I have to stop telling her off and clean her up or if it is a symptom of loosing control. Again we just stress that big girls use the toilet which means that it happens less now.

Not quit sure why praising your daughter makes her wet herself, maybe it is bringing it too her conscious which then makes her need a wee which and then she doesn't get too the loo in time. A bit like I always need to wee if I can't get to a toilet.

Don't think I have been of any help , sorry!

sounds like it could be an attention thing huh? How do you r4act now when she wets herself? Perhaps try the "oh well, never mind" attitude and show no emotion at all and see if that makes any difference. IT'll be harder for you probably but it mgiht be worth it in the end.

Enid, she does not get upset, just says "I'm having a wee wee accident". If we are at home, she makes no attempt to stop the flow and go to the potty, even if it is nearby. I think possibly there is something in the "big issue" thing. That by praising her she is reminded it is an issue for us.
Had a very bad time yesterday - she wet herself in a shop, and she has not done that before. She said she needed a wee so I said "let's go to the toilet and then we can come straight back to this shop". She refused to come even though the toilets were only across the way in the shopping centre (which she knows). She has refused to go to the toilet before, after telling that she needs to, then wet herself. So I insisted that we go to the toilet. It ended up with me taking her hand and trying to drag her to the toilets with her putting on the brakes and screaming. Everyone was looking and I thought I can't keep pulling her like this or someone is going to call the police, so I let go. She ran back to the shop and carried on playing. Sure enough, a minute later she said "I'm having a wee wee accident". I was so embarrassed and upset and shaking with anger. Why is she doing this?
JanH - the only change in her life is that she has started doing one session a week at a playgroup. She already goes to a nursery for two days a week while I work (has been going here for two years). She is very confident, laid back, and speaks very well. I wasn't sure about sending her to the playgroup as well but since she always seems to take everything in her stride and has always been fine about occasionally going in the creche at the leisure centre I thought the playgroup session was worth a try. She's been fine about being left at playgroup and clearly enjoys it. Could she be unsettled nevertheless? Like I said, her speech is very good but I know she's still very young and perhaps there's things she can't put into words. I really don't know what to do.

what happens when she wets herself? Do you clean it up? Do you make/encourage her? Maybe if the trigger is praising her for going to the toilet, you could just stop praising her for toilet & praise her for other things?

Who knows what goes on in the mind, but if she can stay dry & only wets if you mention it, then don't mention it. After all, you don't mention it every time you or dh go to the toilet, I take it?

Or if you do want to tackle it directly you could try the pasta jar with rewards for every dry day - or half day?

The thing in the shopping centre is really odd - it doesn't sound from the other things you've said as if she has any issues with going to strange loos or anything, so refusing to go to the loo when she was obviously desperate to wee, and almost immediately having an accident, must mean there is something going on in her head.

Have you tried talking to her about it? Calmly, when it's not a big issue because she hasn't just had an accident? I can imagine if you ask why she does it she will probably say I don't know (DS2 still says that about daft things he's done and he's 11!) but you might get an actual answer...

JanH, I don't think it would be a good idea to try and have a talk with her about it. It would be making more of an issue of it which she seems to like. Anyway, like you say about your DS, she usually starts talking nonsense when I ask her why she did something. After the shopping centre "accident" I changed her clothes straight away, but then went straight home and I explained to her why I wanted to go home! I always take a spare set of clothes out with me just in case and she knows that. One thing I could try is not doing that anymore and making her go home in wet, cold clothes.

I know this was posted a long time ago but I'm having the same problem with my daughter who is nearly three and a half. she was potty trained with the odd accident but for the past couple of months or so she is deliberately wetting and pooing herself, I know it's probably an attention thing and have tried the not reacting method to no avail and anger and tears from me don't work either. Reward charts and treats don't make any difference and that's the only advice my health visitor could give. I was hoping that you did eventually sort out your daughters problem and might have some advice or tips, please. Many Thanks!!