Is is a 'girl' thing?

[Lynne33]

Hi there, I am new to this web site and after reading some of your helpful replies to others problems I was hoping you could help me with mine.

My dd is 2 and a half and is becoming a real tyrant. The worst problem at the moment is food. When she was a baby I used to make all her food because she had eczema and had to avoid milk products. She had a great diet and would eat everything I gave her, the problems started when I had to move on to more solid food. She started refusing more and more things until now I am severely limited as to what I can give her. She is so stubborn and I no it is entirely the wrong thing to do but I end up getting cross and shouting at her, she ends up in tears and that is the end of meal time.

She is also refusing to do poos anywhere but in her nappy (a common problem it seems reading others experiences) although she is totally trained when it comes to wees.

I have an older son who ,although he has his moments, has never been as stubborn and inflexible as his sister. Is is a 'girl' thing or have I just been stuck with a little devil!!!

I would be grateful for any advice you may have.

Thanks

[StripyMouse]

From what I can tell, when little ones start refusing foods/demanding others it is often a classic way of controlling their world a little bit in one of the few ways that they can - growing independence and all that! IME this is pretty normal for many young children. The fact that you gave her a varied diet at the outsett and it is a relatively new problem suggests to me that it is nothing you have or haven?t done. My dd has done exactly the same - went from a wildly varied and carefully planned diet full of fresh, organic food (eg. guava, papaya, chilli, fresh fish, spinach, sweet potato, risotto etc. etc.) and thrived on it. Now she would live on bananas, cheddar and yoghurt if she had her way!! Like you, I was concerned that her growing stubbornness may be affecting her health and fed up with being stressed out about it. I saw my hv and she put my mind at rest - weighed her, did full health check and declared her fit and healthy, much to my total relief (although, to be honest, i knew deep down she was active and well - just needed to hear someone else say it as well!) She told me that it was a normal pattern and common in strong willed toddlers, keen to show their independence.

Interestingly, she said that she found it more common in girls (my SIL?s little boy doesn?t do it, so asked the same question as you) but didn?t really know why. I don?t know if there is any truth in this observance or whether it is coincidence, but your posting could suggest there is. Personally, I think it is all down to the individual child?s personality rather than their sex. My advice is to get her checked over by your hv if you are really concerned that she may not be getting her nutritional requirements, but if you are happy that she is eating enough, don?t worry about it. Just be grateful that you got away fairly lightly the first time round with your ds and the "terrible twos" phase.

[Azzie]

Hi Lynne,
I too have a ds and a younger dd (2.75 y.o.). I must say that I have found dd far more of a challenge during the terrible twos than her brother (who did however have his moments ). At the moment dd's big thing is choosing her own clothes (which ds has never really been bothered about). It takes forever, she won't wear anything I suggest, but I'm not allowed to go away and do anything else while the interminable selection process is taking place. Drives me up the wall. I also find that she is far more manipulative than her brother ever was, which could be a girl thing. However she is also far more self-sufficient than ds, can be extremely funny and cuddly, and I love her to bits.

[karenanne]

i have no son to 'compare' my dd with but gave a smile when i read this message.my dd is 2.5 and can be a complete nightmare!with everything...one day she'll eat whatever i give her(shes always had a varied diet)and the next time i give her it she hates itand somedays she hardly eats anything.i soothe myself with the fact shes fit and healthy and growing very well..shes very big for her age in 3-4 age clothes!shes also very bright and clever for her age so i think this is why she is as she is.as for choosing clothes...i know the experience well.
all in all i feel she thinks shes a 4 yr old trapped ina 2.5 yr old body...she seems very grown up for a 2.5 yr old!!!!i think thats why she throws her tantrums!
its nice to know im not the only one and as shes my only child and the only girl her age in my circle of friends its hard to know but from what my mum says shes exactly like i wasat her age and its def a girl thing.my mum says my brother and boys in general dont seem to be as hard a work!!!!

when times are hard i just think of the wise and beautiful woman shes going to grow up to be !!!!

[Enid]

Hi Lynne, my 2.8 year old dd is an utter tyrant and absolutely HAS to be in control of all aspects of her life, from which pants she wears to which bowl she has for breakfast. She has to do everything for herself, and if she can't do it, she bursts into tears of rage and frustration. Dp finds it very hard to cope with. I think it is a girl thing - it certainly seems more common among the little girls I know than the little boys. Certainly most men I know are more than happy for people to do things for them

I find the best way to deal with it is to give her limited choices (ie 'there are some clothes on your chair, can you choose the trousers that you would like to wear today?' - having put out 2 or 3 pairs that I don't mind her wearing).

I have also taught her how to do things like give the cat her breakfast so she has an important 'job' to do in the morning (its actually quite useful!). She can also lay the table and put dirty laundry in the bin.

She also likes to wait till she has her nappy on at night and then poo, but I haven't really tackled that yet as I am so pleased with her for doing wees on the big loo (of course she refused a potty ever).

She starts nursery tomorrow so I'm hoping that might give her a view of the normal 'give and take' of life. On the plus side, she's an incredibly quick learner, very bright and funny and very self-contained.

[Lynne33]

Thanks for all your replies everyone. I took your advice stripy mouse, and spoke to my health visitor about her eating. She said pretty much the same as you. That it is a control thing and to try and back off a bit. I am going to get her weighed and measured just to make sure. But to be honest, I am sure she's fine, just being stubborn as usual.

As you have all said, as well as being stubborn as mules, girls are very independent and self sufficient. So in some ways she is easier than my ds. For example in the mornings I want my ds to dress himself (he's 4) and he wants me to do it for him, and I want to dress my dd myself (for the sake of my sanity and to get my ds to school on time) and she wants to do it on her own. You can't win can you!!

[Lynne33]

Hi everyone,

Just thought I would post to tell you that I took my dd to the hv and as I suspected her weight is fine. She's just being stubborn. Oh well, looks like I've got more fights to look forward too!!