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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

keep me sane- daughters behaviour off the wall

21 replies

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:22

daughter is 4 in november, always been bit of a handful but sometimes I dispair-like today!
tips, support, or just chat to distract me from her incredibly loud wailing

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Scootergrrrl · 09/09/2007 14:23

Why is she wailing?

Blandmum · 09/09/2007 14:24

patterns to waiing behaviour? Are there triggers? Is this the norm?

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:27

no idea anymore, had a nice day, been to dog show, shopping, played fuzzy felts wither then daddy did colouring with her.I think we are good, interactive parents most of the time.
She had climbed up on kitchen work surface to put pennies in moneybank, I took her down as she is not llowed to climb up there AND cooker/hob on cooking dinner.
We put money bank on floor for her she went mad, threw all her pens at me and started screaming,

OP posts:

FlameBatfink · 09/09/2007 14:28

Overtired? (Sounds like you have done a lot today)

What has she had to eat/drink?

I find wine a good coping aide

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:28

spoilt brat I am afraid, i am very strict i think, maybe too much because I work with children/families and have high expectations- and so do others of me? bloody nightmare

OP posts:

Scootergrrrl · 09/09/2007 14:28

Put her somewhere out of the way and let her yell imo. My DD can be the same if she is thwarted!
Can you leave her in with DH and go for a little walk or something? Are you sure you don't need anything from the shop ?

Blandmum · 09/09/2007 14:28

Is this a bit of a one off, or does it happen more often when she is told 'no'?

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:30

yes I could do with a nice glass of red actually.
her general way lately seems to be very angry and easily upset, she gets distraught about nothing and then when we ask her whats wrong she screams "don't talk to me"
Think she gets lonely, thinking very seriously about getting a dog to keep he company lol

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:33

we put her in her room screaming for throwing the pens at me,she came out onto the landing and screamed for about 10 minutes on the floor and now she has stopped.
but the slightest thing starts her off I dont know what wrong with her-PMT? lol

OP posts:

Blandmum · 09/09/2007 14:35

FWIW, I have one like this. She is now 10! (that is a gritted teeth grin btw!)

I send her to her room, and let her yell. But I make sure that I don't give in. I hoover the car when she is really bad, it cuts out some of the wailing.

TBH she is better now than she was, and I can often defuse the situation with humour.

Good luck!

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:40

yes I can't wait for her to be old enough to understand when i am being funny, she is so sensitive but extremely confident at the same time. I just get sick working all week and then spending the weekend yelling at her, i want us to have fun

OP posts:

FlameBatfink · 09/09/2007 14:41

DD is a bit like this at the moment - hers is all tiredness based, she isn't dry at night, but refusing to keep her nappy on so we either have to lift her, or we try leaving it and she wets - either way = broken sleep and demon child the next day

Scootergrrrl · 09/09/2007 14:46

Lots of sympathy to you both... Have you tried the old sticker charts/pasta jar, chocolatemummy?
And Flame - what about gaffer tape for the nappies ?

FlameBatfink · 09/09/2007 14:48

The screaming about that would be hell! She's in pull ups now, so it is fine as long as she remembers to put them back on after a wee - the nappies were a nightmare, she kept slackening them off because they were too tight apparently, and then flooding the bed

Original poster

chocolatemummy · 09/09/2007 14:50

she is not dry at night yet either, she has had a couple of dry nights but only when we have lifted her,
Tried the reward charts for her wetting in the day and she is much better now
Don't think they are any good for general behaviour really as they just get bored ater a few days and run out of ideas for rewards anyway...apart from sweets?
................she is fast alseep now

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 09/09/2007 14:54

When my daughter (2.10) does something she isn't allowed to do/wails, I always say to her What do you say if you want something? in a very calm voice with a kind but firm/decided look. And generally we get to "Please, Mummy, can I (whatever)", and we move on.

Punishment of last resort is being removed from the room and put in her bedroom. Fortunately she is still penitent and humbled by that. Don't know how much longer for, though

Scootergrrrl · 09/09/2007 15:56

The pasta jars are supposed to be good for general behaviour - I think they start with so many pieces and you take a piece out when they're naughty or reward them with extra bits when they're good.
I saw someone do it with actual pennies once and when they got to the top (it was a small jar!) they counted them up and spent them in the toyshop.

juuule · 10/09/2007 13:56

If my 4yo goes off on a wailing banshee type thing, I tend to try to comfort her. Usually, she resists a bit and then relaxes and cries 'normally'. Then she calms down and then we can talk about what caused the outburst.
If she won't let me near then I leave her until she's ready.
I've found it's usually because she doesn't know how to deal with a situation that she goes into meltdown, including not knowing how to deal with a "no".
My 7yo was much the same and has now more or less grown out of it and knows to try to explain what the problem is before the outburst starts.
I've found things improve as they develop more understanding.

tori32 · 10/09/2007 14:11

Thats definately a tantrum because she couldn't stay on the work top. My dd who is only 20mths would have been sat in the hallway in T/O if she did that. Pure attention and not getting her own way.

jeangenie · 10/09/2007 21:38

my 5 yo does this regularly - I put a lot of it down to over tiredness as she just cannot seem to wind down to sleep at night and is perpetually slightly knackered (she is still upstairs awake now when I put her to bed a good hour and half ago)
exhausting for you though

marystudent · 17/09/2007 07:54

Blimey.
its so knackering isnt it.

my dd is 4 in nov too and shes a nightmare- someone in another thread likened their behaviour to a dementor- they just suck u dry.

im going to try calling my dd that (to myself) coz it does make me laugh.

isn't it annoying when u feel ur getting beaten by ur 3yr old?!

mine starts whenever u say no, or wait or stop or whatever. screams, stamps, lashes out arrrggghh.

altho it is better then 6mnths ago (i have a new dp and he helps) but now we seam to be going backwards.

dont have any ideas im afraid coz im at a loss with my dd. dont know what to do anymore.

just to say u have my sympathys.

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