Objecting to his reins

[madamez]

DS has been used to reins since he was about 14 months and at the starting-to-walk stage (I used to take him crawling round the floor at the market, just like exercising a puppy ). He's nearly 3 now and has lately been objecting to having his reins held - I think the phrase I hear the most in any given day is 'NOOOOO don't hold my REINS mummmeeeeee'. While I happily let him run loose in the park or in any safely confined space (oh, and between the tram stop and our front door because the road is very, very quiet and the threat of having reins held keeps him on the pavement) - is he just getting too old for reins? If not, any ideas on how to stop him objecting so much, because he sometimes flings himself on the ground in an effort to jerk free and this is not nice for my bad back.

I felt that dd was too old for them at about 3, but she was pretty compliant when she was walking with me - always held my hand and didn't try to run off or hurl herself around.

How is he when he's walking with you - do you trust him (or could you convince him) to hold your hand?

Could you buy a 'cute' set of reins, either backpack style or this kind that my ds used to have (he still likes to cuddle them sometimes). You could then leave them strapped on but not needing to hold onto the reins, it would still be easier to catch hold of if he ran off than no reins.

I think I stopped using reins on ds before 2.6 years, but then he is quite biddable. I said he had to hold my hand when I told him to and if he didn't then he would go in his pushchair/have his reins put on and then I followed through if he didn't hold my hand. He's pretty good about not stepping off the pavement, but for some reason he wants to run off in car parks so I still have to do time-outs occasionally.

Also the slightly longer rein on the cuddly one would mean that he could throw himself on the ground without jerking on your arm. A wrist strap might also be a good alternative.

I second a wrist strap, it allows ds to "run free" but still close enough to haul in if necessary. Plus I find he prefers it more than holding hands as it means he doesn't have to hold his arm up almost above his head to do so. Try walking around for afew minutes wit your hand elevated above your head and you will se why

Hmm, thanks everyone. I'm a little wary about wrist straps as HV told me (when DS was a tiny newborn and we were being given this very condescending road safety talk) that if a LO falls over while wearing a wrist strap then it can dislocate the shoulder or break the arm.

I might try the hand-holding coupled with the threat of reins if he's naughty. It won't be too much of a strain for him as he is up to my navel already (v tall father whom he takes after).

i would say hes a bit old, but i dont buy into the reins thing much myself.

dd has to hold my hand or the buggy if crossing a road/near a busy road, she asks permission to let go and stays close (or rather dawdles and a stupidly slow speed)

however this could just be because she is a biddable child, ds however i feel may be a different story, as he never listens to anything i say, and hes only 10mo!

Ok (exhausted cross face on) it's getting worse. I have been letting him walk without me holding the reins (he has no objection to wearing them, just to having them held on to) telling him he must hold hands or have his reins held when we cross the road, and he mustn't run off, etc. He objects to waiting at the road for the lights to change and throws tantrums in the middle of the road, shreiking and flinging himself on the floor. I can pick him up and carry him (kicking and howling) for short distances, but not very far - what can I do?

i cant help i'm afraid but what i idd do with my ds 2.4 was tell him we wouldn't go out if he didn't hold my hand and when he stropped near the shop throwing himself on the floor i took him straight home and said unless you hold mummy's hand we will not go and from that day on he always held my hand

maybe you could sit him down and tell him what is expected of him and the consequences if he doesn't do it and then make sure you follow through so he knows you mean it such as no tv when he comes home then say well you didn't hold mummys hand and he will then start hopefully to realise its better to do as you ask good luck

I would stop using them. He's at an age where he has to start learning to hold your hand and not to run off. I know, easier said than done. Perhaps a sticker chart or reward system might help.

Madamez I think you're doing the right things already. Telling him he must either hold hands or have reins held, is spot on. It's just one of those times when you need to be firm and consistent and plough on through the tantrums. I don't think there's a magic answer to this that will sort the issue instantly; he will just kick up and create until he realises that you are a brick wall on this issue. If he's throwing himself to the floor and stopping you getting anywhere then all I can suggest is, obviously try distraction like mad - bet him you won't both be able to run all the way to A, B or C...etc etc etc. If he were to be undistractable then I honestly think I would resort to "OK, see you later then ds" and purposly walk on. Perhaps not the best advice but i have been there and done that!

THanks everyone. Have had glass of wine now and feel better. I think I will keep him wearing the reins for a little longer as they are TBH handy for grabbing when he's playing up, and easier to keep hold of than the flailing arm of a furious toddler. Thinking about it sensibly, we'll get there. When he throws a fit and lies down I just stand there and wait for him to stop (unless he does it midway across the road in which case he gets unceremoniously bundled to the pavement).

It's just Terrible THrees coming up, isn't it [resigned face]