Does anyobdy understand the workings of a 3yr old mind if so.........

[Charlee]

PLease tell my why when i say to ds1

'ds please leave your brother alone he doesn't like to be {insert kicked/punced/layed on ect]'

Does he seem to be unable to actually leave his brother alone?

because hes 3!

you alright hun?

they never listen do they, dd is oblivious to ds most the time, but totures the kitten !

sounds like my dd - I'm forever saying 'dont push him, dont put that on his head, leave him alone, get off him', etc etc. Although he does sometimes attack her too (he is 11 months and has just started walking - cue walking up to her and grabbing her arm, back of her top, her hair, etc). I feel as if I nag both of them for most of the day!!

Yeah i supose im ok im just having a down day, i wish i would atop shouting at the kids but they drive me insane! And i feel like poop.

charlee, do you realise the shouting and feeling like poop are directly linked to ds2 getting up in the night??

hope it gets better soon hun!

heard anything about the house yet?

sympathies, I only have one so cant imagine managing 2 but could you maybe try and add someting onto "leave him alone", give him a positive "to do" as well as a "don't do"
"leave him alone and come and help me xxx/go and play with your xxxxx/ i will put xxx on the telly". distract and divert and all that.I think "leave him alone" on its own doesn't mean much to a 3yo, what do you want him to do instead of attacking little bro?

im always saying to my dc, "why dont you do as you are told the first time?" They are 6&4. So doesnt get much easier as they get older im afraid. I really praise them when they do do as they are told the first time - which does make alot of difference. So focusing on the good and trying to ignore the bad.

Nn news on house yet Stacey. Still waiting.

I have tried distractrion and following through with punishments and however sonsistant i am nothing works with him, i am begining to wonder if he has some sort of behavioral problem.

no charlee hes a little boy! ds is the same, i remember when dd was little if i said no she threw a tantrum then went off to do something else, ds is much more determined with what he wants to do.

is jack any better like being able to run around and things? could you make sure he gets at least 1hr of running like a maniac (either in garden/park) or walking to town or something....so hes not got as much energy!

Lol he gets very breatless when running around ect, we have a rat infestd potholed garden and we live in the middle of nowehere! He does get to walk round town quite often though.

hmm...how does he do with structured activity? sitting and colouring books (with you or they lose interest) or painting....chalking is a good one...sticking and glueing (also supervised )

sorry to hear about the garden, thats gunna be my lifesaver when we get a house aving a garden, its horrible without one!

Rubbish at structured activities he has the concentration span of a goldfish even if we are playing with him! Thats why its so hard!

I can't wait for a garden!

I agree that distraction, and following through with a consequence are the ways to go. I know you say you have tried, but really I wonder what's the alternative? It must be hard when you're having a day when you feel crap but consistency really will reap rewards, keep going with that approach. Have faith, it will work eventually.

Also use every chance to build their consideration for eachother. Build their caring and empathy for eachother, for instance if one does something nice for the other praise them hugely and perhaps quietly say in their ear "your brother SO loves it when you help him, he really looks up to you, you know - he thinks you're so grown up" etc etc etc. Or even if they NEVER do nice things for eachother, you can chip in with this stuff. Say to one "Your brother thinks you're so clever, how you can draw like that. He thinks you're really talented" Just positive stuff all the time about eachother. Any time they're upset encourage them to check how the other one is and praise them massively for it.

Not that ANYTHING will stop them fighting, I'm sure, they are boys but it so helps if they have a more connected relationship I think.

Distraction IS key - I agree with the poster who said remember to tell them what you DO want them to do when they stop hitting!

hmmmmmmmm..what about his hospital tasks, did the only work because he couldnt get up? just wondering if they are worth trying again, little tasks that dont take long for each one (so constantly switching) but will let you sit down for half hour without him trying to sit on harry!

Make sure you actually have to intervene - if he's really hurting the baby then remove him, but if it's just a bit of rough and tumble I'd ignore it. Babies are pretty robust - I'm guessing the bigger one might come of worst sometimes! And they will carry on fighting and wrestling and pushing each other - probably until they are in an old people's home. You can't stop it - it's what they do. So, real damage-intervene. Anything else - ignore.

My 3 year old's the same. If you ask him to do something it's an open invitation to do the same thing over and over again - hitting his younger brother is his favourite. I don't take him to a music group anymore because he'd just stand there banging the drum over and over and if you asked him to stop he'd produce a wicked grin and do it louder.
I've tried naughty steps, praising good behaviour and reward charts and it's all getting too much. I really feel like the horrible parent.