My 15 Year Old Daughter

[Maude1979]

Hi all, I am a single parent with 2 children, a 22 year old girl and a 15 year old girl. I have never had any issues with my eldest, she did really well in school and has gone on to University.
My 15 year old, however ……
She has such a bad attitude and quite often talks to me like dirt. She doesn't help around the house either which causes lots of problems and arguments. She is doing ok in school but can be very assertive with the teachers if she doesn't agree with something. She doesn't like school very much so it can sometimes be a battle to get her there.
My eldest has this morning gone into her bedroom and discovered cigarette/tobacco paraphernalia on her window cill. She wasn't even trying to hide it.
I don't really know how to deal with this ? Do I go in all guns blazing, confiscate her phone and ground her or take a more softer approach. I am concerned that by not coming down hard on her, she is going to think that I am soft and keep pushing those boundaries. A

Has anyone had to deal with something similar ?

Well, your 22 year old is an adult, not child. Your 15 year old is on the brink of adulthood.

What parenting style have you been doing while raising her so far?

Tbh it's not exactly crime of the century and for a teen who could join the army, be working full-time or even have a baby next year, I'm not sure that your not knowing how to navigate this is a great sign. The right response depends entirely on whether you have a good bond with her already, her personality... And tbh how accurate your opinions are (your expectations about housework might be ridiculous or she might be lazy, or somewhere in between!).

Your post reminds me of something my own mother might have posted if she'd have had MN except her housework rules were opaque and arbitrary, and she couldn't understand the academic pressure I was under because it was nothing like her experience.

I guess what I'm saying is... The best punishment (from a kind chat about health impact, or grounding her, or find out why she's doing it, or confiscating them, whatever) depends on what outcome you want, and your existing parenting relationship.

Shrug