My DS (3) keeps repeating everything I say when I'm tellng him off

[ClareL]

When I tell my DS off I might say "go to your room" and he'll shout back "no you go to your room" and he doesn't go. Even down to stupid things like picking up toys "pick up the toys" he'll reply "no you pick up the toys" or even going to the toilet "go to the toilet before we go out please" - "no, you go to the toilet". This backchat goes on all day everyday. Half the time I don't even think he knows what he's saying back to me - but I really don't like it. Any advice as it is beginning to wear a bit think now??

How incredibly annoying. All I can think is that when it gets too much you tell him to go and lie down quietly in a darkened room .
Or 'eat this biscuit NOW' ... either he'll tell you to do it and you'll gladly oblige or it might break the habit.

The thought of lying in a darkened room sounds wonderful - the only thing would be that he would follow me and climb all over me.

sorry quite funny really!!

I know it must be really irritating,my ds does this to be annoying.

Challenge him to repeat everything you say for a whole day, the novelty will soon wear off.

Sorry, I had a little laugh at this too!

My ds does this a bit and I've found that doing the unexpected can help. FOr example, try shouting 'I love you' back at him or even go to the toilet when he says this to you.

Or I would ignore it tbh. He knows (pretty much) that it's irritating you and he's getting a response.

Only say things to him that you don't mind him repeating back! If you say "DS, if you nicely pick up your toys we can go out" then I don't think it's as easy for him to turn it round to "NO, you nicely pick them up and we'll go out" and even if he did, it doesn't sound so rude, I think.

If he says no, you go to your room you just have to ignore that. I think the more you ignore it the sooner it'll stop. But I think you're making it easy for him to parrot back to you, by phrasing things in that "I'm telling you what to do" way. Alongside ignoring, I think choose your battles, too. Ask him if he needs the loo rather than telling him to go. OK it might be inconvenient if he says no then needs it when out, but he will LEARN for himself why it's a good idea to go.

how old is he

go to your room would be followed by picking him up and physically taking him - in my house

Ask once, then tell, then MAKE HIM!!

"please pick up your toys"
"No. You pick up the toys"
"Pick up your toys now"
"No. You pick up the tops"

Go to him, take his hand and with his hand in yours, pick up the toys, without further communication.

Go calmly, not storming, not angry, just matter of fact. His hand WILL be used to pick up the toys.

When toys are picked up, say thank you.

I had to do this stuff SOOOOOO much with my 2. And still do at times - and they are 7 & 8 (don't panic, they're autistic, normally kids HAVE grown out of it by then ) and we still have to physically take them and do the hand over hand stuff. (dh more than me cos they are getting too bloody strong now, I can't shift 'em!! Bugger knows what we'll do when they can overpower dh!)

Once you have given an instruction, it MUST be carried out. It's not a fight between you, so don't let him turn it into one. You are mum and you have given an instruction and you will be obeyed.

That sounds like a really good idea the hand over hand thing. I do get really cross when he constantly repeats everything - even using the same tone of voice as me. Especially when he says something and I think to myself "that's me!!" It gets harder as the day goes on. I am going try the hand on hand thing though - definitely

My ds still does this at 9! He knows it winds me up. Ignore him or say 'My mummy is lovely.'

hmm, I can see how this might be useful with some kids but for others I'm really not sure, I think it's more powerful to be able to assert what you want as a parent verbally; if you have a very determined child and you're trying to physically make them do stuff it could turn into an almighty tussle and to be honest I think if you're using your hands instead of verbally reasoning with them you have then nowhere to go, really.

I think it is a better message to give them that you have other strategies to deal with them - special needs are a different case, of course.

exactly cornsilk - say things you don't mind being repeated, and/or ignore; they can't make you care about this and the less attention you feed it with the sooner it will stop.

oops I hope it's clear that my first post was about the 'hand over hand' post not about cornsilk's approach [confused emoticon]

He just likes to assert his authority. Sometimes he doesn't even know what he's repeating back to me - because it doesn't make any sense. When it gets to them times I should use diversion tactics but sometimes I might be rushing out of the house and say to him "can you go to the toilet please" then he'll say "no, you go to the toilet". Things like that just get my goat immediately, especially when I'm in a rush ie. schools runs etc...

dd (3.9)in this phase as well...one thing that seems to help in our house is to make my comment "I will do X first" and the competitive little so&so will say "no I will do it first" and then will do X in a hurry...i find it particularly useful in terms of pre outing wees!

Otherwise, i try not to engage other than to say (as calmly as i can)that is rude, apologise please and then if she carries on we go down the naughty step route ...it's getting less frequent...