Hands up everyone who finds homework time can be a real trauma. DD (8) is attempting some new stuff in maths and hasn't quite got it yet. Not a problem as far as we're concerned as she will get there and she's pretty good at maths on the whole, but she tends to take it very badly when she gets stuff wrong. She can ask us to check her work, we can point out mistakes gently, and still she takes it badly, getting upset to the point where she's crying, wailing, shouting and generally taking anything we say in the most awkward and confrontational way possible. She has always taken it harshly when she doesn't get stuff right, despite us saying repeatedly that mistakes are all part of the learning process.
Now she won't even let me try to help - I've just been yelled at to leave her alone. She's persisting with it but sobbing and snivelling. That is distressing enough, but she also works herself up into so much of a lather that she starts breathing erratically and acting as if she's choking or going to be sick (she's even gone and fetched a bucket for the purpose). She also has a tendency to self-punish in these situations, denying herself a break or snack or whatever, but then tries to make out that these sanctions are somehow being imposed on her.
I am now sitting here a bit bemused and wondering how ever we got into this situation, where a perfectly pleasant Saturday can descend into a prolonged tantrum all because of a bit of maths homework, and any interaction just inflames things. She tends to respond the same way with anything where she thinks she's being told off or has made some kind of mistake. I also hate the thought of her whipping up into such a frenzy that she ends up losing her lunch over it (and goodness knows what we've got coming when the teenage years arrive). While she was doing the whole weird breathing/coughing/choking performance, I said that there was no point in me making her a nice dinner later (had planned one of her favourites) if she's only going to go and make herself sick. Instinct tells me that was probably not a good thing to say, and just gives her a sense of punishment to latch onto, but of course it was the frustration speaking.
Does any of this strike a chord with anyone, and if so do you have any tips? So far, the only thing that usually works is to keep clear for a bit and wait until she simmers down again, which can take a while and isn't pleasant in the meantime.