Horrible experience at dance class. Do I take her back?

[Jannt86]

So it might sound really petty but I'm so upset right now. I have been taking my LO to a dance class since 17MO (she's now 22MO). Initially she loved it and joined in really well. However, this morning I've had to leave the class stressed and humiliated. She's become less and less interested in joining in and just either rolls around her mat and refuses to even sit sensibly or she climbs all over me. There's chunks of the lesson where she gets the chance to have a go at a task on her own which she used to do a good job of but now only will she refuse to go up unless I'm with her but this morning she literally threw herself on the floor. No tears or apparent fear but just threw herself on the floor and refused to move even when the instructor tried to encourage her to do what the other kids were doing. She bit me as well. She has never done this before and I'm not sure if it was an accident. Anyway we walked out after 15 minutes because I couldn't deal with it any more. She cried when she realised we weren't going back but I told her I don't expect her to get everything right or even do anything by herself I do expect her to at least try and join in. It just makes me really sad that she doesn't seem to want to join in when literally every other kid does pretty well. I know she's only young and like I said I expect her to be hit and miss but it's frustrating when literally all she wants to do is dick about and be obstructive. The class today also incorporated 3 nursery rhymes that she can do the actions to off by heart but even that didn't help. Does all this sound within the realms of normal? Am I overreacting or could it be a sign of future behaviour issues? Would you take her back again? I don't even know if I can stand to as I feel pretty humiliated as I had to leave basically in tears. Also if people's kids behaved like this were they any better when they weren't in the room? I'm also considering taking her to another class when she turns 2 in which they ask you to leave them. I'm not sure whether she'll be better for them once she gets used to me leaving her. Sorry I know this is quite a trivial issue but it's really made me upset and feel like I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with her. Thanks

Is it possible that she may be getting bored of the class? i.e. she is clearly capable but maybe just not interested anymore. When young we tend to put them where we think they will enjoy and as they grow up and become more self-aware they will start telling us what they actually like. I don't think her behavior is at all concerning, I have been to enough toddler classes to see even the best children have bad days or get bored and eventually move on to other classes - I think that would be totally normal.

She might be but then she was quite upset when we left and does excitedly say 'yes' when I asked beforehand if she wanted to go to the class. I think she's just not keen on following instruction. She won't do much at all because it's expected of her. Still not a massive fan of imitating... only just starting to copy what I say, won't count even to 3 but knows when there's 1 of something or 2 of something so clearly starting to understand the concept of counting, gives me rubbish answers when I 'task' her with naming or pointing out colours but when I make a game of it obviously recognises quite a lot of colours .... you get the picture haha. She is sociable but clearly marches to her own beat and I just don't know how 'typical' that is at this age if that makes sense.

My son is 16 months old and I can't even imagine him even remotely behaving well at a dance class to be honest! Pretty much ALL he wants to do is 'dick around' but I figure that's normal at their age? I'm super impressed your daughter has been taking dance lessons since she was 17 mo but I definitely wouldn't think anything of it if my son behaved like that in a structured lesson at this age - I feel like I'd be asking a lot of him. Then again, he's only 16 months so maybe I'll have a different perspective when he's 22 mo like your daughter!

TBH at 22 months she is still a wee baby - I wouldn’t expect her to be able to behave consistently in a structured environment - if she isn’t fussed or enjoying it any more what’s the point? Another year or two probably she Would enjoy more

We took DD to dance when she was 2.5 until she was 3. From an initially good start, her behaviour and reaction to it got worse. Final straw was her bursting into hysterical tears before we'd even got her into the class room! Despite her saying she wanted to go, we made the decision to take her out of the class for a while. About six months later, we tried another class that her best friend had started going to. Figured we'd give it a try - and she loves it. Even performed in the Christmas show and I never thought she would as she's an introvert (much like me). I'm glad we waited, I do think 2 is too young for classes. My DS is 2 and we won't be enrolling him in anything till he's 3 at the very least.

My advice would be take her out of the class and have fun dancing sessions at home, that's what we did as regardless of any class, DD loves to dance. Try again a year later and save your money!

She’s tiny. Just stop it for the time being and go back in a year or so.

OP - she sounds completely and utterly normal to me (I have four children) and I think you are massively over-worrying about this.

Your DD is a baby and she is also now a toddler - and toddlers are Very Hard Work.

Don't take her back for a couple of months. Just forget about it. You could try again in May perhaps, or find a different class.

And yes - they do "behave" better when their parents aren't around.

Nothing you've described sounds in any way abnormal, I assure you. She is developing a mind of her own and as she progresses through toddlerdom she will demonstrate this to you over and over again.

all she wants to do is dick about

Seriously?! She's 22 months, what do you expect her to do - perform Swan Lake?

If she's not up for it, why bother? Take her to the park and feed the ducks. She's a tiny kid and she won't stay that way for long. Just enjoy being with her...

Of course I don't expect swan lake. I don't really even expect her to pick up any actual dancing or be anywhere near able to focus on the lesson all the time. However when I see that literally every other kid in there copies and joins in with the majority of the activities and all she seems interested in is disrupting the class and messing about then regardless of her age (which is a few months older than some in the class btw) I am not going to apologise for being a little concerned that this may be signs that she's going to struggle with focussing and paying attention when it comes to other things like school in future and wanting to do what I can to help with that now. Anyway either way I've decided that keeping going to this dance class isn't the answer to and I'm just going to take her out somewhere or play play with her at home instead as I think the good old one on one attention will be far more beneficial than a class in which all she wants to do is act up which is pointless whatever age she is. I'll try again when she is actually old enough to understand that if she wants to keep something up she needs to participate.

I see where you're coming from, OP but it's perhaps worth considering which parents would take their child to dance class at such an early age... I presume ones who think they have a child who would be able to follow instructions well etc and be fsirly compliant? So I wouldn't judge average toddlers by the small selection in dance class- it's self selective in a sense. For instance, there's no way I'd take my 16 month old to anything like that yet because he is SO strong-willed and just wants to do his own thing... all hell breaks loose if he is forced to do what he doesn't want to do! So a structured class like that is not right for him at the moment (he goes to nursery which I feel is enough for him right now). I occasionally take him to Hartbeeps but he even struggles with that a bit as he wants to roam round rather than do all the activities nicely. Which is fine - he's only little! I feel at the moment all we can do really is try to set reasonbale boundaries and be consistent, but understand that they're still very impulsive at this age.

Really wouldn't worry, my DD would never behave / sit still etc at these kinds of things, she was the one crawling off in the corner to investigate the music system whilst the rest of the large class behaved beautifully - in fact it took her until about age 3 or 4 to sit still for three minutes at circle time at nursery but all good now.

God we’ve all been there, don’t worry. My daughter had a mega tantrum in a soft play last week and everyone was staring and I wanted the world to swallow me up!

It sounds like the thing that’s getting to you is the comparison with the other children I.e. they are all doing it so why isn’t yours?
The truth is these other children are a tiny pool of kids to compare yours with. There are hundreds of other kids who would also act like yours in the class but you don’t see those kids because obviously they choose not to go. Dance class for two year olds sounds quite full on IMO and that’s great that the others are all joining in but maybe your kid can’t really see the point of standing around copying each other doing silly dance moves. Good for her! And if I’m brutally honest it sounds a bit like she can sense the expectations from you (both in the class and with the counting etc) and her instinctive reaction to that is to rebel against the pressure.
Give yourself a break - she’ll be fine