12 month old won’t eat and barely sleeps

[AliCanTea]

Any advice? DD wants breast milk constantly and won’t have any more than a couple of mouthfuls of solid food per day. She has also never slept well, had bad reflux as a baby. I feel like I’m failing to help her with such crucial things - sleeping and eating. My own mental health is through the floor, mostly due to sleep deprivation I think. DH also struggling.

Tonight we actually managed to get her back to sleep at 3am but I’ve been lying awake for two hours feeling more and more

Sorry - pressed go too soon. That should have been ‘feeling more and more panicky’.

I don’t want to sleep train or wean abruptly. Is there any hope?

I don’t want to sleep train or wean abruptly. Is there any hope

Yes there is and you don’t have to let her cry it out although it will help if your partner helps out here. What is she doing until 3am? Is she feeding constantly? Have you considered night Weaning? Now she’s 12 months she doesn’t actually need feeding over night. Dr Jay Gordon’s night Weaning method can be used from 12 months and us very gentle.

If she’s had reflux, how is she with solids? Will she only have purees or will she ear finger foods? Has tongue tie been ruled out?

Could you make BFing less accessible too? So wear a proper bra, lots of layers, try to distract her a bit in the day, only feed her in one place then never sit there? I know this is easier said than done. My first could be easily distracted from feeding at that age with a snack and a nice drink, my second was very much if the opinion that it was a BF she wanted and she wanted it now!

Can you get your DH to take her out on his own at the weekend so that you can sleep or just have some time on your own? If he takes her to swimming and then a cafe, the library and then feed the ducks st the park, if yo are near to one and then a cafe or picnic, he shoukd be able to manage and she will manage without BFing for a couple of hours and it should give you a nice break.

Thank you @JiltedJohnsJulie - that’s a very kind and thorough response. I’m currently trying to attend to the need not the request, so trying to work out if ‘milk’ means thirsty, or hungry, or wanting a cuddle. If it still means milk after that then milk it is.

Until 3am she sleeps for short stretches but generally needs feeding back to sleep after waking.

She’ll accept a couple of spoonfuls of purée sometimes, and a couple of bites of finger foods but then it gets rejected or thrown on floor.

Tongue tie - could never get a definitive answer as she has such a tiny mouth and hates doctors and their tongue depressors! They seemed to think if she was breastfeeding fine it was ok. She still has big suckling blisters along her lips though.

Having had a child with undiagnosed tt, I would seriously get this checked out. If Milk Matters (the link I posted earlier) can’t help, thersxa list of Tongue Tie Practioners here.

My DS fed constantly and gained wait but Sleep was horrendous and he would only accept smooth purees until about 1. Later he needed speech therapy and he didn’t sleep through regularly until he was 5.

It’s also a sad fact that most Drs can’t spot tt and some don’t even know what it is.

*weight.

Sorry for the typos. My iPad hates me

That’s very interesting - thank you. Def need to get it properly checked out then xx

Are you getting and help with your own mental health too? I found sleep deprivation to be possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with as it just went on for so long.

Getting someone to have her while you sleep or just have some time on your own might help.

If you can’t get back to sleep at night have you tried guided meditation? I use an app called Insight Timer and there are lots of guided meditations on there trying to help you to sleep.

Meeting up with friends and getting outside each day helped me too.

The sleep deprivation has definitely wrecked my mental health. I’m actually seeing a counsellor bit she can only help so much. Haven’t heard of Insight Timer - thank you.