Possible ASD in toddler.

[Lafoosa]

My 20 month old is being assessed for ASD soon and I'm having mixed enough about it.
She doesn't point, wave, copy things, she hardly babbles (just dada and Baba) and she doesn't really listen to me, only responds to her name half the time.
She's great at making eye contact though and is quite affectionate and loves to play together.

However I'm just struggling to come to terms with it, we've been told it's highly likely she is. She's our first child and I just feel upset that we've been robbed of the things so many other parents have of hearing their children of a similar age say stuff and engage more. My 12 month old niece has overtaken her in speech.

I'm struggling to not feel incredibly disappointed that our first experience of being parents doesn't get to include nice reading sessions (she doesn't like it), toddler conversation and general communication such as pointing and waving. Sometimes when I'm trying to get her to point or wave I just feel really sad because she doesn't do it and hardly even engages or listens to me when I'm trying to show her.
I obviously love her more than anything and always will, but I'm just sad that she can't do things other kids can.
What if when she's older she has no friends because no one wants to be her friend? I've read so many posts about other people's kids but being invited to parties or not having anyone show up to theirs just because they're autistic and that breaks my heart. I don't want it to ruin her life and make her miserable and I'm worried that it will.
What if she never talks? Or what if her newborn sister overtakes her? I don't want her to grow up thinking she's stupid because she can't do things her little sister can. How do I deal with all of these situations and stop freaking out about everything?

I can totally understand you grieving. Possibly having a newborn is making things seem worse too.

Have you found the SN boards yet? It might be worth having a look there

I can understand your grieving, and as suggested, the SN boards can be a great resource. One thing to note is that children with autism also learn and progress, just on their own time and learning curve. She will more than likely learn how to point, clap and all the other gestures in her own time (on average around the 2.5-3Y). It is near impossible to project how she will be be as she grows up and totally naturally to worry about her future. In the SN boards you will see how many children, with some support, grown up to live very fulfilling lives :)

Who told you she likely has ASD?

@Mummy0ftwo12 our health visitor, she scored quite highly on the test that they did.

@Lafoosa - I don't want to give you false hope, but in the last couple of years three doctors including a GP, a Paediatrician and a Dr of Autism and two specialist speech therapists told me they thought my DS was classically autistic, the formal multi disciplinary including ADOS assessment overseen by a consultant Paediatrician however diagnosed him with something else and they were correct. But i totally get where you are coming from with the worry that not all children with autism learn to talk, however many do and many go onto make friends at school, there are positive stories out there as well.

@Mummy0ftwo12 what other thing did he get diagnosed with? We're still waiting to be seen for them to test for other things like glue ear and tongue tie. But everyone in my OH's family (that I've met) has ASD so it could also be a genetic thing.

Speech and language delay and social communication delay.

It may not make you feel better but I find each child I have worked with who has autism appear to develop their own ways to communicate even if is not through speech. Your child will find her own way of communicating with you. You are already identifying triggers for her such as reading. Can I ask how you set up for reading her a story?

If a toddler doesn't have any comprehension as to what language is then what use is a story to them, its hard for a lot of toddlers to sit still. @Lafoosa have a look at the teachmetotalk website, I also found this blogpost useful autism and learning