21 month old resisting everything

[GGS01]

My 21 month old son is becoming a nightmare to handle. He resists everything like changing nappy, changing clothes, sitting in the stroller, eating food, wearing a jacket and hat while going outside. I have to either distract him with rhymes on tv or have to hold him down to change his nappy and clothes. Making him sit on a stroller is a nightmare. I hold down a screaming toddler while my husband straps him in. He won't sit in his high chair during meal times and won't eat anything other than fruit puree, cookies and biscuits at home. He is really cooperative at the nursery and they have no trouble with him at all.

Any ideas on how to make him behave. He doesn't talk yet other than saying a few words and I can't seem to make him understand anything I say. Bribes, pleading, begging, threats, I have tried them all. He simply goes into a melt down when he doesn't get what he wants. Is this normal behavior in a 21 month old or have I done something to make him such a stubborn child?

I don't think some of his behavior that you describe would be unusual for his age, I mean, changing the nappy of a 2YR old can sometimes be like wrestling an alligator. However, I wonder if some of this resistance is due to the frustrations of him maybe not being able to communicate effectively? how is his non-verbal communication? so to meet his needs and share interests? for example, while seating at the table (at home or at a coffee shop), does he point at food that he may want but can't reach? or maybe look at you and nod 'no' with his head if you present him with food that he does not like? or maybe while strapped to his buggy, does he point to interesting things and try to grab your attention to things he is interested in? like pointing to a plane in the sky, or a pigeon/dog in the street? etc. At 21M words may not be there but that should stop them from being able to communicate effectively.

I think it's all pretty standard behaviour of a kid this age (being mum to a 22MO) but perhaps on the extreme side.... It sounds as if some of his behaviour is perhaps frustration due to limited vocabulary? How does he communicate his needs? Is he pointing? Leading you by the hand? Does he interact playfully with you and share toys etc with you? And how is his understanding? It's probably worth doing some baby signing with him if he's really struggling to tell you what he wants. I'd also check how he scores on the MCHAT test which is a quick autism screen and if he hasn't caught up a bit with his speech by age 2 raise it with your HV. Www.teachmetotalk.com is a great resource of podcasts by a speech therapists that gives some ideas how to encourage speech. It's a tricky age because they're really not old enough to fully understand consequences or discipline. I think all you can really do is try not to rise to the behaviour and mirror the behaviour you want and I'm afraid if they need restraining a little to put clothes on etc then just do it. They're the baby you're the adult. Another thing that's worked for my LO is engaging her in dressing herself (she loves to put her own trousers and boots on) and giving a choice where possible. She gets to choose between 2 outfits and 2 pairs of pyjamas every day and even gets to 'choose' which nappy (yes they're all the same ) With eating we put the same meal in front of her that we have. She can eat whatever she wants and we don't fuss her to eat it all but she gets nothing else and she has to wait in her highchair and keep the food there til we're finished. More often than not she will eat a few more mouthfuls in that time. Having said that does your son eat anything but puree and buscuits at nursery? Is this all he's ever eaten? If so I'd be mentioning this to HV/GP as this is quite extreme and may need dietician input and a sign of something underlying. It's nice to get reassurance and ideas from groups like this but it's impossible to get the full picture from a couple of paragraphs on here. I would also be speaking to GP and HV and liasing with nursery about your concerns. Good luck xx

At the nursery, he is the best behaved boy. He plays well and eats mostly everything they offer. I send him lunch and he eats that too. But he won't eat the same lunch at home (when offered on the weekends). The only issue they have mentioned is that he doesn't sit still for any activity like book reading or painting. He is always roaming around the room.

As far his communication is concerned, he points to what he wants sometimes. When he is hungry, he will lead us by hand to where we keep his snacks. He will push away what he doesn't want and clap his hands if we offer something he likes. He gets excited when he sees a dog when we are out walking and points the dog to us. But he always cries when he doesn't get what he wants instantly.

We are also a multi-lingual home. His dad and I speak 2 different languages and he hears English at the nursery. I am not sure if that is causing him a little confusion. We have noticed that the only words he speaks are in English. He can say Appa (dad in our language) quite easily and Amma (for mum) with a bit of difficulty but never refer to us that way.

I like the idea of sign language to help with his communication until he starts speaking.