I love him to bits. But I really can't put him down AT ALL! He's unhappy and whines on and on whenever I put him down to do anything. I tried to carry him in baby carrier, but he really doesn't seem to like the restraining feeling in there. Then I put him down, he would whines again.
I'm already doing the minimum in the house - basic laundry, cooking (using microwave/oven only) preparing breakfast/meals for him and my older son. I try to take him out so that means whenever I set my feet in the house, I need to move about to finish the basic cleaning (really just basic) and the cooking stuff. That means I don't have lots of time to interact with him as he still needs to nap 2-3 hours a day before I have to do school run and pick my older son up from school. As the day I'm with the baby, I try to devote most of the attention to my older son for homework or simply a chat, but then the baby would just whine if he's not got the attention.
I feel horribly incapable to make him happy. I'm a bad singer (but I will put more efforts in to learn singing the basic rhymes). I tried to look at him doing funny faces when I speak with him, but when I do talk with him or play with him, his attention most of the time isn't on me.
This morning, I kept myself busy in the kitchen while he's whining for about a brief 20 minutes to get breakfast ready for everyone. At that moment, I literally felt my heartbeat/blood pressure both got to a very unhealthy level. And anxiety struck me like it hasn't done for a long time. But by the time we all sat at the table to eat, he only touched the food with his lips and then refused to open his mouth ever since. I felt really frustrated.
They all say when you have two children, they most likely turn out to be quite different (personality). But my baby is as equally needy/whiny as my older one when he was a baby. I really didn't enjoy my maternity leave back then. Now all these whines and the guilt together make me want to go back to work straightaway - a week ago, I was thinking that he needs me and I would do good if stay with him until he turns 2. But I now think this is really making me miserable and I hate that I'm not a capable mum to make my baby smile more!
When I look around, all the other babies look smiley and so happy. I'm really thinking it's me who's the problem not him!