How do we stop our 8-y-o worrying?

[overthehill]

Our dd worries about so many things, particularly at bedtime: examples are murderers hiding behind her curtain and aeroplanes dropping bombs on her, and although I've read through threads on monsters and convincing children that they don't exist, it's somehow not the same with real live threats, however unlikely they may seem. She also finds it hard to get to sleep due to concerns about having nightmares, and won't read any book which she thinks may be at all scary, and airing her worries and lots of reassurance don't seem to make much difference. This is not a new thing but has been going on for years. She basically enjoys school and although fairly shy has some good friends. We don't have a TV so she's not exposed to as much as most children - maybe this would eventually make her immune? Any advice on how to alleviate her distress would be gratefully appreciated.

No idea what to suggest, but sending sympathy. It must be quite hard, and I don't know how I'd handle it either. Not any help, I know.....

No practical experience myself TBH but you could have a look on this website
www.phobics-society.org.uk
it has recommendations of books you can buy through amazon to help children with anxiety.
HTH

My 9 yr old is a worrier too, but seems to be learning how to cope with it. She now understands that some people are more "worriers" than others, I've told her that I am - which is true. She now won't listen to her Harry Potter tapes at bedtime because they make her feel nervous. But she handles that and just puts a lighter story on. A year or so I found a great kids book in the library called "I feel frightened" (it's a series which also deals with anger, jealousy etc) It's has few words but great, humerous pictures which my dd identified with. I could see she felt better knowing she wasn't alone.

I don't know what the answer is for you, I wonder if the fact that you don't have tv means that she hears bits of things at school and can't really make sense of them. (Not that I think TV makes sense of things for kids - probably gives them whatever distorted view the TV channel in question chooses to project!)

Doubt if this helps but my sympathies. Lots of Love.

I was an anxious child & teen, & though I don't know the answer to your dd's problem, I do think that your recognition of her anxiety & your sympathy is already a fantastic start. I remember my parents downplaying my worries, and ultimately forbidding me to talk about them. I don't recommend that.

When I was about 7 or 8, I was sick with worry for several months because I was convinced I was dying. A classmate had died of a brain tumor. My grandfather had just died of cancer. But no one wanted to talk to me about these things, so I had no way of putting these events into perspective. I think if you talk to your dd again and again about her worries, no matter how tedious & frustrating, your dd will feel somewhat reassured until she eventually grows out of her fears. And this is radical, but maybe she could sleep in your bed from time to time? I just remember how powerful my fears were, and I remember that on particularly bad nights my parents let me sleep with them, which was comforting & reassuring, and one of the ways in which my parents did help my anxiety.

I was a very anxious child and worried about everything, my dad once wanted to get one of those electric wall heaters for the bathroom and I kicked up such a stink and pleaded with him not to get one 'cos I knew electricity and water didn;t mix and didn't feel it should be in the bathroom. I also feared monsters hiding in my wardrobe and simply refused to go upstairs even in the day without the light on. I too used to get into my parents' bed in the night (much to their horror) and developed a sort of blinking which was due to nerves. I ended up going to the doctors and remember telling the doctor I thought I had a brain tumour and my mum laughed! I was terrified of dogs and thunder & lightening too..

Not sure what to suggest but do feel deeply for your daughter (and you) as it is a horrible feeling

And me- I really feel for your dd. I was terrified of things as a child and very anxious. I think some of us are prone to that- mum says I'm highly strung- I'm really trying not to pass any of my anxieties on to my dd but I still worry- I think that in acknowledging her fears you are helping her. don't know what else to suggest- is she too old for the teletubbies video that's the tip of the day?? Sorry if she is- new to this parenting lark

Belated thanks for all your suggestions - it's the first time I've started a thread & I'd forgotten to look for replies - was reminded by my dd's worries at bedtime this evening! I too was a worrier but never really felt I could share my feelings, and I always instintively feel things are better out in the open. It's an interesting idea that no TV might actually confuse her more by her just picking up snippets of news rather than the whole story, although I feel that so many children watch much too adult material, & I wonder how they handle that. Anyway, I do feel more reassured, & will also investigate Amazon re book suggestions.