7 years old going on 21........forced a friend to keep snogging her..............help

[39andcounting]

Am new to this mumsnet thing and sooo impressed. Have a dd of 7.5 who is definately having some kind of monthly hormone swing thing. Caught her some time ago with a friend and they were kissing, tongues and all. Played the whole thing down. The said friend moved back to the states.(so no longer have anyone elses child to blame !) DD on a sleepover this friday night and forced herself upon an 8yr old girl friend repeatedly. Friend told her mum the next day who then told me Asked my DD bout this and she repeated the story but the other way round. So much want to believe her. Also having very bad and graphic nightmares ie Nanny being made to take all her clothes off and then being strangled and left 4 dead.

Any advice welcome, also have a 3 year old DS who thinks spitting is great !

Reaching for another glass of wine as we speak.

I don't quite know how to reply to this...

I am absolutely no expert BUT: How is your dd other than the snogging and the nightmares? Happy? Confident? Does she watch too much adult TV? She's acting something out but I don't know what. Unfortunately it does make me think the worst and wonder if someone is abusing her.

Doesn't sound entirely normal exploratory behaviour - have you asked her how she knows about kissing with tongues etc? My DSD is 8 and doesn't have a clue about this - she is curious about this kind of stuff but doesn't know specifics and has never acted out anythig like this. Don't get worried yet, just explore with your DD where this is coming from.

The abuse thing had crossed my mind too but she is rarely anywhere other then home or with me as DH works long hours ie Brownies or swimming.

Think she was introduced to the kissing by the american girl and since then am not aware of any other episodes until this sleepover at the weekend. She does appear to have raging hormones once a month and this recent episode did co-incide with the hormonal monster I am getting regularly (btw GP said pill or prozac !............ shit )

Know she is apprehensive bout the return to school so will let the dust settle and then try and have a DD and Mum outing to chat.

Thanks for your support Fluffyanimal and EllieG

Sorry forgot to mention she watches no adult tv at all. Only disney channel as in Hannah Montanna etc and that is so naive.

She does like to look at the news and newspapers so maybe I need to limit that. Only looks at the Daily Mail as I make my husband keep his boobs abd bum (the sun) paper out of the house

Didn't mean to make you worry 39 - it's probably nothing and might well just need a chat about appropriate social behaviour and things you are and aren't allowed to do. Children will play out stuff they have just seen, it's their way of understanding things - the other day DSD said she wanted to give me a 'smoochy smoochy kiss'!! (like she had seen on tv I think) and (whilst trying VERY hard to keep a straight face) all I had to do was explain those were for grown-ups who loved each other in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. I remember my friends and I acting out all sorts of stuff we were confused about in play before I was articulate enough to ask my parents about it - and I defo was not abused. So please don't leap to think it - remember things like abuse are not the norm so is likely to be something very innocent she is playing at, and just needs to be told to save it til she's older.
Sorry to sound a bit like I'm pontificating, it's just I was worried I might have made you fret and it wasn't my intention. Am a social worker and abuse is not the only (in fact often waaaay down the line) explanation for behaviour like this. Far from it.

Hey EllieG,

Social worker, what a stressful job you have. Thanks for your concern, you had not worried me but you only confirmed something that had already crossed my mind. Keep thinking it is something I may have done but am so careful around both kids with what I say or do, as is my DH. Sure it is just a phase and will pass. You show me yours and I'll show you mine can't be far behind can it !!

Think she has a very creative mind and will endeavour to challenge that side of her, it may help with the dreams.

A top tip for the bad dreams from another friend is if your child comes into you in the night and can tell you the dream you repeat it back to them but with a positive outcome, so for example there was a bad man going to do something to Nanny but Papa (Grandad) came home or a policeman stopped the man. This then puts the whole situation into a positive and if she should dream it again her sub-conscious should tell a happy ending.

Nobody said it was going to be easy did they ?

Tis true. Am waiting for an instruction manual so I know what to do!
Good tip about the dreams - will try that one as DSD gets horrid ones sometimes.

My dcs watch The Simpsons (contoversal in itself I expect) and at one point a while ago, the Sky Channel kept putting tailers for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, during the breaks, which were very graphic. I stoped them watching it for a while.

If your dd has had sleep overs or visits other houses, they may watch things on the TV that you might not know about.