"Don't look at me!"

[foolserrand]

Dd, aged 7, is a middle child. She is incredibly intolerant of her siblings, in particular her younger sister.

She tries to control the others, stopping them whistling, singing, looking at her to name a few examples. If they won't, she will fly into a rage of epic proportions.

I just don't know how to handle this. She can be so loving and kind, but this negative behaviour overshadows everything and I am so drained. I hate that her siblings are so close and often exclude her because they can't be bothered with the hassle.

Can anyone recommend.... anything! Please?

How are you disciplining her at the moment?

Spend some one to one time with her an bring this up. Ask her why she gets upset about these things and try to unpick what's going on for her.

Before you can deal with the behaviour, you need to understand the root of it. Random sanctions and rewards are very unlikely to work if you have no idea what is making her feel so angry.

I feel I've tried every discipline under the sun! Ignoring the negative behaviours, praising the good, time out, shouting.... I don't smack my kids or I'd have likely tried that by now. This has been going on for years. She has always been hard.

I've tried talking to her, she'll only tell me of some slight she's suffered, someone taking her rubber for example, and never get to her real feelings. She also makes up a lot of stories.

Not sure if relevant, but her half brother (dp's adult son) is ASD. Her childhood has been stable, dp did have a long affair (which I had a thread about under a different name) so home has sometimes been tense but she gets a lot of love and monopolises my time. Often to the detriment of the other dc.

How is she at school and around other children? Has she always been this intolerant of her siblings or did it start more recently?

@nameynamerson2018 assuming you're the OP here...

This sounds like an anger/tolerance issue tbh, have you tried any behavioral techniques to help her deal with her frustration? I reckon this is unlikely to meet the threshold for NHS/CAMHS intervention, but would you be able to pay privately for a couple of sessions with someone to help her work through the rage and come up with reasonable coping mechanisms?

She seems to be fine at school. Her teachers have always said she is compassionate and kind. There have been some bullying issues within her class, but I'm not sure they involve her directly (seems to be more aimed at one of her friends).

And yes, she has always been intolerant! As a toddler, she would have the most intense tantrums. They could last for hours.

@ReallyLilyReally, I was wondering about some sort of therapy for her. Are there any techniques you would recommend? And yes, I had a small nc fail!

I feel so sad for her. Life seems so much harder for her than the others.

@foolserrand unfortunately i don't have any specific experience with anger management etc for kids, I've been strictly a CBT sorta gal. You could speak to the school or you GP for recommendations?