9 year old won't open up!

[mama2twoboys]

Hi everyone, so basically I split up from my ex's dad before he was born and he's always had an on off relationship with him. He went to see him about 3 months ago and came back and said he never wants to see him again. He hasn't told me why and won't tell me. He's always had a really good relationship with his nana (his dads mum) and now he's saying he doesn't want to see her either. I'm really worried that something happened when he last went but he just won't tell me! What can I do to get him to open up? I'm really worried about him

This must be so worrying, I'm sorry! If DS won't talk to you, could you arrange for a chat with the counsellor at school? It might be that he's worried about your reaction, so speaking to someone else might help?

What's your custody arrangement? Can you keep DS away from his dad without getting in legal trouble?

We have been through the courts ever since he was born and he is supposed to see him every 2 weekends which he had been doing up until my son saying what he did. I've spoken to school and they was under the impression that my partner was his dad as he never talks about his real dad. I've been with my partner since he was 18 months old but he obviously knows he isn't his real dad. His dad has had problems with drugs in the past and lives alone. My son has also told me that he has had a male friend sleeping there while he's been there so I've got all sorts running through my head! I was thinking of taking him to be referred to a counsellor but it seems a bit much. I just don't know what else to do to get it out of him?! Every time I mention something he tells me to stop nagging so I don't want to pressure him

If you're going to stop your son seeing his father you need to go back to court and get sole custody, or you could get in serious trouble here.

If you're able to cope with not knowing, and therefore assuming that your son can cope alone, I'd drop it. If you don't feel safe assuming that, I'd get a counsellor involved. Better "a bit much" than not enough help, and it allows you to stop pressuring him.

Also, might it be worth reaching out to your ex/his mum (maybe try the mum first) to say that DS was really upset last time he was round and won't talk about why, see if they're willing to share their side of the story? Even if you think it's likely to be bullshit, if they give you something then you're closer to figuring all this out.